Written by: Kelly G. Wilson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Heartbreak is like a forest fire.
On the surface, a forest fire appears to look like total devastation. The forest is ravished by fire, and total consumption of life occurs. However, what happens after the fire is astonishing. The once nut attached to a standing tree now lays on the ground, cracked open to allow new life to take root and grow. The fire contributes to a new tree rising from the ashes by cracking open the nut's shell to let new growth happen.
When it comes to heartbreak, you have two choices. Become a better version of yourself by using your heartbreak as a catalyst to live your best life or live in the shadows of defeat by choosing stagnation instead of growth. The choices are equivalent to the story of the tree nut. However, unlike a tree nut, you have a choice.
Yes, heartbreak is painful when it happens. If your experience is anything like mine, it is total devastation. Give yourself space to grieve your broken heart and embrace the deconstruction because, in that rubble, which was once your life, you will find hope.
The next step is yours to make, and you have two options.
The first option is to be defined by your experience and live in the shadows of the fire that cracked you open. In life, this would look like staying in victim consciousness and believing that this happened to you because you deserved it.
Perhaps, your inner critic believes that bad things don't happen to good people. The inner lie is that awful experiences only happen to bad people; therefore, your experience only confirms there must be something wrong with you.
The cycle of negative thinking reinforces a deep, hidden, and limiting belief that growing up to be a tall, magnificent tree is meant for everyone except you. When the truth is, you are designed to be a tall, magnificent tree among many other tall, beautiful trees in the forest.
Your second option is to use your heartbreak as a catalyst to live your best life. If you choose this option, here are four tips for moving forward:
First, commit to self-improvement. Make self-improvement a non-negotiable in your life. Commit to becoming a better version of yourself for having lived the experience that broke your heart by investing in yourself, doing the inner work, and healing the internal lies.
Instead of passivity, get out of your comfort zone and sign up for a personal development course, hire a coach, or read a self-help book so that you can come out the other side of the experience stronger and wiser than before the heartbreak.
Second, take responsibility for your part of the situation. Taking responsibility does not mean playing the self-blame, self-shame, or self-guilt game. Instead, from a place of empowerment, it means taking ownership of your role and accepting the part you played so that you can learn from it instead of only focusing on the wrongdoings of the other person.
Be honest with yourself and assess how you contributed to the outcome. Self-improvement can't happen without self-awareness, so take responsibility, be honest, and identify your role in the heartbreak so that change can happen.
Third, harvest the lessons of the experience that led to the heartbreak. Every life experience contains a life lesson. So instead of asking yourself why this is happening to you, ask yourself why it is happening for you.
Life is always organizing around your success. Flip your perspective and ask how this is happening for you to open yourself up to greater possibility. Ask yourself what life lessons are here for you to learn. Listen, receive, and apply to your future relationships.
Last, let your past go by being grateful for the experience. Open yourself up to knowing that as painful as your heartbreak felt, it brought you a gift, an invitation to become a better version of yourself and to live your best life.
An excellent gratitude practice is to write three things you are thankful for in a journal daily for 21 days to make gratitude a habit. Appreciate every lesson, gift, and opportunity your heartbreak brought you because you wouldn't be where you are today without it. And where you are today is at the beginning of living your best life.
Be proud of yourself if you decided to learn and grow from your heartbreak and use it as a catalyst for personal growth and development. It takes courage. It takes bravery. It takes getting uncomfortable and clearing out the weeds so that the magnificent tree you are in can grow tall in the forest.
As uncomfortable as these actions might be, the rewards outweigh the experience one-hundred-fold.
Which option will you choose?
Kelly G. Wilson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kelly G. Wilson, The Butterfly Guide, is an intuitive life transformation coach for women reconnecting with themselves after heartbreak so they can reclaim their self-worth, repair their confidence, and live their best life.
Kelly's journey began 10 years ago when she navigated total life destruction after divorce which catapulted her on her journey of self-discovery and reinvention where she learned the true definition of authenticity, soul alignment, and connection.
Kelly's journey has provided a pathway to wholeness which she has now transferred into a coaching program, Rebuild After Heartbreak. Kelly's mission is to empower women to move beyond surviving into thriving by building deeper connections with self, others, and the Universe.
Kelly has traversed her journey from caterpillar to butterfly and now lives in connection and relationship with life where quality, heart, and contribution intersect. She has a passion for adventure, travel, nature, and self-expression through art.
