Written by Alexander Rodriguez, Counsellor/ Life Coach
Alexander Rodriguez is an experienced counsellor, life coach, engineer and entrepreneur. He is the founder of Alexander Rodriguez Counselling & Life Coaching, and the host of the Alexander Rodriguez Counselling & Life Coaching podcast.
Anger management is a necessary part of our emotional life that can significantly affect our health, relationships, and daily functioning. It refers to the process of learning to identify the triggers and signs of anger, and handling these situations in a positive way. This topic is of exceptional importance and relevance, particularly in our fast-paced, stress-filled societies where tempers often run high. While anger is a normal and natural human emotion, when it goes unchecked, it can lead to negative consequences such as strained relationships, poor mental health, and even legal problems. Just like stress, it is nearly impossible to completely avoid getting angry.
The aim of anger management, therefore, is not to suppress feelings of anger, but to understand the message behind it and express it in a healthier and productive way. It is about gaining control over your reactions to aggravating situations, developing strategies to cope with anger, and improving your decision-making process during tense situations. Let us delve into this important topic, highlighting ways to recognize anger, understand its causes, and learn effective strategies and techniques that can be used in managing anger efficiently. The primary aim is to transform anger from a destructive force into a constructive one, fostering healthy ways to express anger and prevent it from negatively impacting our lives and relationships.
What is anger?
Anger is a natural, quite intense emotional response typically elicited when someone or something poses a threat, either real or imagined, to our well-being or the well-being of those close to us. It is a universal emotion that transcends cultures and societies, an integral part of the fabric of human temperament. Although it is often vilified and viewed negatively due to its destructive potential, anger is usually a normal reaction to certain situations and plays a vital role in survival, allowing us to defend ourselves when we are attacked.
Anger manifests in various ways, from minor irritation to full-blown rage, and can be a momentary feeling or a lingering state of mind. It involves physical changes such as increased heart rate, high blood pressure, and elevated levels of adrenaline, contributing to what many describe as a 'hot' feeling that accompanies this emotion.
Furthermore, anger can be directed outwardly or inwardly. Outward anger is directed at other people or objects and can potentially escalate into verbal or physical aggression, causing harm or damage. Conversely, inward anger is directed at oneself, leading to guilt, self-deprecation, or depression.
Contrary to popular belief, anger is not just a negative emotion that provokes chaos and discord. When expressed and managed in a healthy way, anger can motivate us to act, to solve problems, and to stand up for ourselves or others. It can signal when boundaries have been crossed and ignite a passion for justice. Through self-reflection, it can push self-improvement and lead to a better understanding of our emotional triggers.
Some common ways people get angry
There are several common ways and reasons that trigger anger in people.
One way people commonly get angry is when they feel disrespected or attacked. This could be in the form of verbal insults, sarcastic remarks, criticism, or even non-verbal cues like dismissive hand gestures or rolling of the eyes. These perceived acts of disrespect can spark feelings of anger as they undermine one’s self-esteem and worth.
Another typical trigger for anger is perceived injustice or unfairness. When people believe they have been treated unfairly or unjustly, it can raise feelings of resentment and indignation. This can range from trivial matters such as being cut off in traffic, to more significant issues like societal inequalities or workplace discrimination.
Experiencing disappointment or frustration also often results in anger. When our expectations are not met, or plans do not go as we hoped can cause frustration to build up inside of us. Over time, this can transition into anger especially if these situations persist or are not properly addressed.
Feeling unheard can also cause anger. This often happens when individuals feel that their thoughts, feelings, or opinions are being ignored or invalidated.
5 Ways anger affects your body and mind
1. Anger ignites the brain's fight or flight response
Stimulating the amygdala and adrenal glands, resulting in a rush of adrenaline and an elevated heart rate. This disrupts cognitive function, making it difficult to think clearly, make rational decisions, or solve problems effectively, hence potentially leading to regretful actions or decisions.
2. Digestive issues
Anger puts a tremendously high-stress load on the digestive system as the body halts the digestion process to cater to the 'fight or flight' response. This can lead to complications like stomach aches, nausea, vomiting and in long-term cases, may result in gastritis or peptic ulcers.
3. Negative impact on the immune system
Chronic anger lowers the body's immune response making you more susceptible to infections and diseases. It reduces the production of disease-fighting white blood cells and compromises the efficacy of the immunity system. Over time, this can contribute to the development of chronic health issues.
4. Mental health problems
Anger can affect our mental health by causing anxiety, depression, and high levels of stress. These emotions can lead to insomnia, affecting not only your sleep pattern but also causing severe fatigue, confusion, and other serious health problems.
5. Mood regulation problems
Anger decreases the mind's capacity for happiness and positivity. Furthermore, chronic anger changes the brain structure, leading to a decrease in the size of the brain's grey matter which is crucial for processing information and emotions.
The power of the trigger cycle
The trigger cycle is a powerful model that shows how a single trigger can result in different types of behaviour. It begins with a trigger, which could be any event or situation that initiates a response. This could be something as simple as an everyday event, or as complex as a traumatic memory. The trigger itself is neutral; what matters is the mind's interpretation of it.
Following the trigger, people will have an initial thought related to the trigger. This is the cognitive response that interprets and gives meaning to the triggering event. For example, if the trigger is meeting a new person, the initial thought could range from “I am excited to meet this person” to “The last thing I want to do is meet someone new”.
Following the initial thought is the emotional response. This step is a crucial piece as it bridges thought and action, and often drives the ensuing behaviour. If the initial thought was positive, the emotion could be happiness or excitement. Conversely, if the thought was negative, the emotion might be fear or sadness.
The fourth stage consists of physical symptoms, a biological response to the emotional state. These are often immediate and involuntary and can range from increased heart rate, sweaty palms, or butterflies in the stomach, to more severe reactions like panic attacks or anxiety-induced nausea.
The final step in the trigger cycle is behaviour, which is ultimately how the person will act based on their thoughts, feelings and physical symptoms. On the negative spectrum, behaviours could include yelling, violence or ‘the silent treatment’. On the positive spectrum, behaviours could include assertiveness, a hug or simply walking away to take a breath. This step can often perpetuate the cycle, as our behaviour often results in new triggers.
The beauty of understanding the trigger cycle lies in its potential for positive transformation. By changing our initial thoughts around the trigger, we have the power to impact our entire cycle. Such adjustment can drastically alter the emotional response, resulting in different physical symptoms and subsequent behaviour. For example, viewing a challenging task not as a threat but as an opportunity to learn can change feelings of anxiety to determination, creating a beneficial cycle of positive responses. The trigger cycle is, therefore, a powerful tool for self-awareness and personal growth.
7 Practical things you can do to manage anger
1. Understanding your triggers
The first step towards managing anger involves understanding the situations, people, or events that trigger an intense emotional response. This involves reflection and self-awareness. Monitor your daily routines for a couple of weeks and jot down instances that make you lose control. Over time, patterns will emerge, and you will gain insight into what makes you susceptible to anger. Once you identify these triggers, you can devise strategies to avoid them or rehearse reactions that can help you remain calm in such situations.
2. Deep breathing and breathwork
When you recognize the onset of anger, consciously engage in deep breathing or breathwork activities. Breathwork stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system which is responsible for our body's 'rest-and-digest' functions. It is a way to signal your body to calm down, reducing the intensity of your negative emotions. Practice ten deep breaths, inhaling deeply through the nose, holding for a few seconds, and exhaling through the mouth. This shifts the focus away from the object of anger, helping to reset your mood. It should also be pointed out that if you are already in a deep state of anger, deep breathing can be counterproductive due to the high amount of adrenaline in your blood. In this case, it is best to practice intense, Wim Hof-style breathing to expel the adrenaline. Try 30 deep inhales and deep exhales, forcing all the air out of your lungs on each exhale. On the last exhale hold your breath for 1 minute (no air in your lungs). Do this 3 times. After the 3rd time you should feel better, then you can transition to slower breathing to activate your parasympathetic nervous system.
3. Meditation and mindfulness
Regular practice of meditation or mindfulness encourages a healthier response to anger. Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. By doing so, you create space between the trigger and your response, preventing an instantaneous reaction. During meditation, observe your feelings of irritation, frustration, or anger without reacting to them, which builds your ability to stay calm under pressure.
4. Regular exercise
Exercise reduces stress hormones and promotes the production of endorphins- self-produced chemicals that act as natural painkillers and mood elevators. Regular exercise can provide an outlet for frustrations and create a relaxing diversion, thereby lowering symptoms associated with mild depression and anxiety, enhancing self-esteem and improving sleep.
5. Ice baths
Immersing yourself in an ice bath can help manage anger. The shock of the cold forces you to draw all your attention to the present moment and away from your anger. The rush of adrenaline stimulates the production of stress-combating hormones, creating a sensation of exhilaration that counters feelings of anger. It also promotes better sleep patterns and boosts mood by enhancing levels of dopamine, helping to keep anger under check.
6. Cognitive behavioural therapy
Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) aims at challenging and changing unhelpful cognitive distortions and behaviours, improving emotional regulation, and developing personal coping strategies. It involves recognizing negative thought patterns that increase the risk of anger outbursts and learning to substitute them with more positive and productive thoughts.
7. Proper nutrition and sleep
A balanced diet plays a significant role in regulating emotions. Consuming a diet rich in whole foods, lean protein, fruits, vegetables, and healthy fats promote mental wellness. Foods that are rich in B-vitamins and Omega-3 fatty acids can lower aggression levels and improve mood. Adequate sleep is vital, too. Sleep deprivation can cause irritability, short-temperedness, and the inability to focus, which can trigger feelings of anger.
Start your journey today
Life at times can be daunting, yet we often forget that we have the power to control the effect of these external circumstances on our mental health. Excessive anger can impair relationships, productivity, physical health, and overall life quality. The good news is, that you can take the reins and control how you respond to these situations by embarking on your anger management journey today, so that you can promote a healthier mindset and pave the way to a better understanding of your emotions so that you can live a more peaceful life. Imagine living a life where every setback does not upset you but enlightens you, where your relationships are not strained due to abuses of rage but bloom because the seeds of respect and understanding are sown. Every new day is a chance to take a step towards this reality. The ingredients for change are inside you, waiting to be stirred, mixed, and whipped into a better version of you. Anger management is not a switch but a process. It is a journey worth embracing for your peace, happiness, and growth. Start today, because tomorrow is not promised, but today is already here.
Read more from Alexander Rodriguez
Alexander Rodriguez, Counsellor/ Life Coach
Alexander Rodriguez is an accomplished counsellor & life coach with a passion to help people connect to their true purpose. Following a nervous breakdown in 2017, Alexander embarked on a personal journey of self-discovery and self-empowerment, testing the limits of his mind, body and spirit. This ultimately helped Alexander find his purpose in life. He has since dedicated his life to helping others overcome their unique challenges so they can unleash their life's purpose. To this end, Alexander works closely with people individually, in group workshops and through his podcast. His motto: Change the world one person at a time.
