Colleen Walsh Jednak is an expert in happiness, holistic health, and creating blueprints for a balanced life. She is the founder of Strong Mamas, LLC.
I was a single mom for 15 years to three amazing boys, now grown men. I often heard during that period, “There are two of us, and we can barely keep up. How do you do it?”
Hopefully, I am living proof that one may not only survive but also thrive during this time, and as a life coach, I have shared this viewpoint repeatedly. Whether one becomes a single parent by choice or by circumstance, you may absolutely design a balanced and happy life.
For the question on how to keep up, I am not certain that it is so much different for a single parent than it is for a two-parent family. It comes down to organization. No matter how many grownups are running a household, organization is key. Back in the day, I had elaborate paper calendars, color-coded for each child and for my work and volunteer responsibilities. Technology certainly made that easier as time progressed, and sharing calendars on Google or Outlook can truly streamline the process.
I did my best not to double book, but when it happened, of course, I called in backup. Who can you count on? Are there local grandparents? Friends with children on the same teams? Neighbors that you can share carpooling with? Building a team of like-minded parents is a good idea regardless of whether you are doing it alone or in a solid partnership. Communicate with the kids as well to tell them you adore them and are trying to get to as many of the activities as possible. They are smart and if you are being authentic, they will see and feel that.
Habits and rituals can also streamline your days and weeks. Where can you all save a little time? My kids chose not to have a flat sheet on their bed, so making the bed only involved putting the pillow in place and pulling up the comforter. Lowering expectations (but still having expectations!) also assisted us. I asked for all dirty dishes to be put into the sink and be rinsed to avoid having cement-like leftovers stuck to the plates at the end of the day. Loading the dishwasher once a day was easy. Think about the daily flow in your home and what the pressure points are. If all the cleats are always in the same spot, it is easier to get out the door to practice. If all homework is placed into backpacks at night, and this becomes a habit for everyone, it can only make your day start more smoothly.
Lists for the grocery store can now be shared on devices such as Alexa so if someone finishes the milk or toilet paper, they may add it to the list then. This can also help avoid school supply crises! When families work together, it is all so much easier! When my kids were small, we had the old-fashioned paper lists next to the refrigerator. When I arrived at the store, the list might read milk, eggs, cookies, cereal, stinky butt, a million dollars, and cheese sticks. So, if you saw me laughing in the aisles, now you know my secret.
We had countless traditions that were just ours. At dinner, we would share our favorite things from the day. They could also share their “worst favorite,” to unload what was bothering them. We laughed a lot. I made mistakes. I still make mistakes. We apologized. We did our best. We asked for help when needed, and we complimented each other often.
So, surviving and thriving in single motherhood? Mostly, take a deep breath, get organized, have a plan B ready, and enjoy the ride. Know that it is not so vastly different from two-parent families. You set the tone in your family and create a plan that allows for the best memories! If you make a mistake, pivot and keep going. You’ve got this! Need help? We are here for you.
Read more from Colleen Walsh Jednak
Colleen Walsh Jednak, Life Coach, Happiness Coach, Writer/Speaker, Lifestyle Coach
Colleen Walsh Jednak is an expert in happiness, holistic health, and creating blueprints for a balanced life. She is the founder of Strong Mamas, LLC and has been helping mothers of all ages decrease their feelings of stress while improving their physical and emotional health. Her mission is Health, Hope, and Happiness.
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