Jen Dyer specializes in helping parents and teens manage and become resilient to anxiety and overwhelm. Jen is founder of Bright By Your Side, and host of the podcast, Bright By Your Side with Jen, Upleveling in the Age of Anxiety.
Going to an event alone? Feeling awkward and nervous? Whether it's a work function or a party where the only person you know is the host, we've all been there. Rest assured, other people at that party are in the same situation and probably feel equally uncomfortable. Here's a step-by-step checklist for surviving and ideally enjoying the event while managing social anxiety.
Before you arrive
1. Do your research
Before the event, use your internet skills to research the host, organization, or the history of the venue location. This will provide handy conversation topics. However, never let on that you were stalking on social media, even if just a little.
2. Set your intention
Set the expectation to have a fun and interesting time. Ask yourself, "What fascinating person will I meet today?" "Will I meet my soulmate, new best friend, or mentor tonight?" Leave yourself open to adventure. If there are certain people you must meet for work or social reasons, close your eyes and imagine that moment as very positive and going well. See them smiling at you, and you smiling back. This simple visualization will help keep you calm and confident in the moment.
3. Set your boundaries
We tend to lean on food and alcohol when feeling awkward. Set a 1-drink, 1-plate limit. People will notice if you eat all of the cookies or start acting sloppy. Most importantly, tell yourself you are not allowed to hide in a corner staring at your phone.
4. Prepare your drive-by compliments
Set a goal to give at least three people compliments in passing. Have an inventory of generic, drive-by compliments handy. As you walk past someone, say "Cute shoes" or "I like your shirt." Because you're just passing by, it's a low-pressure, random act of kindness. Those complimented will certainly remember and will be encouraged to interact with you later. Remember, everyone is hiding their social anxiety, and you made them feel better. Not only is it rewarding, but you'll be everyone's favorite guest by the time you leave.
5. Plan your conversation starters
Wear an interesting accessory or article of clothing that might draw compliments or questions. Have easy questions at the ready such as "How do you know Katherine?" Or, "Have you been with this organization long? I'm new!”
At the event
6. Arrive early
Plan to arrive in the first 30 minutes before people form groups. You'd be surprised how many times I thought attendees were best friends, only to discover they each had come alone and met earlier that night. That could be you.
7. Enter with a smile
Stand up straight and smile, even if you aren't feeling it. Smiling releases neurotransmitters dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, putting you in a good mood before you enter the room. Smiling is contagious and makes you attractive. It also raises your vibration and draws others to you. Try it, and see the results.
8. Head to the restroom
Entering a room full of people can be overwhelming. If you don't see the host or anyone you know upon arrival, head to the restroom to reset. This is an excuse to explore and get the lay of the land. Better yet, cheerfully ask another guest for directions, making your first low-pressure contact. Double-check your appearance, remember your intentions, deep breathe, relax, and smile.
9. Say your hellos
With your refreshed energy and perfect appearance, locate the hosts before food and drinks. They will introduce you to others with similar interests. Hosts are often busy and preoccupied with arriving guests, so keep it short.
10. Find the watering hole
Meander towards the drink table for a glass of water. The glass makes a nice prop to occupy your hands; the water will hydrate and calm you. If the drink table is not obvious, this is another opportunity to ask for directions and give thanks cheerfully. Be sure to smile at the bartender and thank them genuinely for your drink. Treating the servers with kindness makes you approachable and will attract others toward you.
11. Locate the food
Unless this is a sit-down meal, the food table is another low-pressure gathering area where you can look busy while meeting people. Slowly evaluate the food, and ask another guest a neutral question such as "Do you think that's Ranch dressing or Bleu Cheese?" Again, smile, be cheerful, and give thanks. Remember your one-plate limit, so take your time.
12. Enjoy the view
While nibbling your well-chosen snacks, entertain yourself by finding a spot with a great view. If the venue itself has windows with views, you won't be alone as other guests will have the same idea. If no outside view is available, find a visible place for people-watching. There's a good chance that one of those people you complimented earlier will find a reason to stop by and chat.
13. Pit stop and exit
After eating, always head to the restroom to check yourself, remembering your teeth. If you've contacted the must-see guests and nobody else interests you, it's time to leave. Find and thank your hosts, and be sure to compliment them on the event. Recognizing their hard work in planning and execution is always appreciated, and we will ensure you're invited back.
Conclusion
Navigating a social event is a skill that develops with practice. We all start at square one, masking our anxiety while building our social skills. View each event as an opportunity to test your magic bag of compliments and open-ended questions. Before you know it, you'll have a stockpile of interesting research and a broad and impressive network.
Remember, practice makes perfect when it comes to party etiquette and networking. The more you put yourself out there, the more comfortable you'll become in social situations.
Have you tried any of these strategies at a party? Share your experiences or additional tips in the comments below!
Read more from Jen Dyer
Jen Dyer, Life Coach, Health Coach, and Hypnotherapist
Jen Dyer specializes in helping parents and teens manage anxiety and overwhelm. Jen is founder of Bright By Your Side, and host of the podcast, Bright By Your Side with Jen, Upleveling in the Age of Anxiety. Using her skills as certified life coach, nutrition coach, and hypnotherapist, Jen has a multi-level approach to becoming resilient to stress, all backed by scientific research. Bright By Your Side is on a mission to reduce the use of mental health medication across all ages.
