Written by: Izabela Puchala, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
January is a great time to reflect on our intentions for 2023. The mindset we bring into pursuing our dreams can be the most important factor leading to fulfillment or misery. When we create goals from an ego perspective, often unconsciously, we're likely to end up in a hamster wheel chasing fleeting moments of satisfaction but never fully experiencing it.
This short article explains how to recognize and convert ego-based goals into visions more aligned with our values, leading to greater fulfillment. We will use the Enneagram framework to help identify pitfalls in our approach to the goal-setting process and implement strategies transcending the ego.
What's your relationship with goals?
Early experiences influence our beliefs about goals. Fresh out of uni, I was blissfully pleased with my work accomplishments until my manager said, "we should always want more." I started to doubt my aspirations and developed a belief that feeling satisfied means low standards. Since then, surpassing ambitious goals and striving for more became my way of chasing self-worth. In the Enneagram framework, this pattern of thinking correlates to Type 3, Competitive Achiever. While there's nothing wrong with embracing continuous improvement, when done in a mindset of never being good enough, it instills criticism, frustration, and competitiveness in the pursuit of our goals.
On the other end of the scale, some of us resist and avoid setting goals. The word "goal" brings up anxiety, apathy, or even anger reminding us of negative experiences. For example, receiving unrealistic targets, working super hard for goals we had no passion for, or not getting a promotion despite achieving objectives set by our manager. Other times, we played a more active role in creating an unhealthy relationship with goals. Looking at the past, how often did you bully yourself into a diet, exercise, or work hard? The body keeps the score, and now it tenses up when the word "goal" is mentioned. Without our own north stars, we're like kites in the wind ‒ usually helping others achieve their visions and missing out on creating a beautiful life for ourselves. Often, Enneagram Type 9s resonate with this description.
Below are examples, tips, and pitfalls to avoid when setting goals for all Enneagram Types. If unsure what your type is, you can take a free test here or skip to the next paragraph.
Type 1: Goals are here to make me, others, and the world better. I will pursue them with precision if they're right. Watch out for perfectionism and getting caught up in the details.
Type 2: Goals are here to alleviate suffering. I will pursue them with empathy and consideration if they help others. Watch out for suppressing your own needs.
Type 3: Goals are here to show my value. I will pursue them with efficiency if I believe I can excel at them. Watch out for burning out due to a heavy workload.
Type 4: Goals are here to show my unique contribution. I will pursue them with an innovative mindset if they resonate with me. Watch out for resisting the execution stage.
Type 5: Goals are here to solve problems. I will pursue them with my deep expertise if they make logical sense. Watch out for staying in your comfort zone to protect your competence.
Type 6: Goals are here to keep us on track. I will pursue them with dedication and responsibility if they're realistic. Watch out for analysis paralysis.
Type 7: Goals are here to dream big. I will pursue them with enthusiasm if the vision inspires me. Watch out for the lack of follow-throughs after the ideation stage.
Type 8: Goals are here to challenge the status quo/provide a clear vision. I will pursue them with passion if they're pragmatic and bold. Watch out for too much focus on the outcome.
Type 9: Goals are here to help us work towards a common purpose. I will pursue them with a collaborative mindset if everyone else is on board. Watch out for procrastinating with the goal-setting process.
How to recognize ego-based goals?
Focus on image
The easiest way to recognize ego-based goals is by their focus on improving our image/status/reputation, be it through the acquisition of skills, titles, money, looks, or possessions. Our ego is in the driver's seat if our intention is to win, be better than someone, or prove something to others. Often underpinning it is a scarcity mindset propagating a belief that there isn't enough for everyone. We might even be doing something beneficial for others, but if our motivation comes from taking pride in being seen as helpful, the ego is behind it ‒ Enneagram Type 2s, this might be for you.
Compromised authenticity
Striving to be perceived a certain way means compromising our authenticity. We suppress what is truly meaningful to us to meet external standards from society, family, or a group. One day, we wake up and realize that we have lost a connection with who we are. Think how many "successful" people go through a midlife crisis questioning why they are doing what they are doing, why this family, who am I, what do I like? Why am I not happy despite having everything I thought I wanted? This place often resonates with Enneagram Type 3, who are very good at reading what the audience wants and prioritizing that over their needs.
Outcome versus process
Since ego-based goals are focused on outcomes, we lose track of who we are becoming in the process of pursuing them. "The end goal justifies the means" ‒ sums it up nicely. It often happens in the non-profit sector, where organizations are so determined to achieve their mission that they are willing to compromise their integrity. For example, a non-profit fighting for woman's rights fires pregnant women to save costs. It's also a familiar place for Enneagram Type 1s, who, driven to improve the world, can become self-righteous. Or think of dictators who started with positive intentions. Amongst them are quite a few Enneagram Type 8s, believing their way is the only right way to make good things happen.
Conditional happiness
By believing "I will be satisfied/happy if I have this house/job/partner/etc." our ego tricked us into thinking that we can't be content until a specific condition is met. We search for happiness outside of ourselves and become dependent on external events to feel good. This pattern is familiar for Enneagram Type 7s, binging on new experiences in the hope of finally finding inner peace. By glamorizing the future, they miss out on available nourishment from the present activity, meal, or connection with someone. It's also a common space for Enneagram Type 4s, whose pattern is to see life for what is missing in it and disregard the abundance they have access to.
How to uplevel ego-based goals?
Identify emotional need
In his bestselling book "Letting Go," David Hawkins explains how to transcend our ego by up-leveling our goals from the lowest tier, which is about "having things," to the midtier of "doing things" and finally reaching the state of being. For example:
Level 1 Goal (Having): I want to have a house in the woods.
Uplevel: Once I have it, what will I be able to do?
Level 2 Goal (Doing): I’ll be able to relax on the terrace and look at nature.
Uplevel: How will I be able to be when I do it?
Level 3 Goal (Emotional Need): Calm, re-charged, and patient.
By following this simple process, we identified the emotional need currently lacking in our life. This information is vital as emotions are behind every single goal. We hope, often unconsciously, that achieving our objective will give us access to an emotional state that feels out of reach. Knowing our emotional needs gives us more flexibility in how we can go about meeting them versus relying on one strategy. In the example above, instead of being obsessed with owning a house in the woods, we might decide that a career change, taking a vacation, relocating to a quieter residential area, or picking up an outdoor hobby might invite more calmness and patience into our life.
Impact on others
Even if our goal is about doing something or having a specific amount of money, we can transcend our ego by focusing on how achieving it will help us serve others. For example:
Goal: To give a Ted Talk about goal-setting for greater fulfillment
Impact on others: To empower others through sharing my knowledge to set goals for fulfillment
Pull instead of push
Rarely do we get lasting results by bullying ourselves into something. Psychologically, playing the top dog ("I should") and underdog ("I don't want") game creates an unhealthy dynamic within us. The uncanny underdog always wins, sabotaging "shoulds" we were never motivated for. Instead, we need to create a goal that excites us and honors our values. For example:
Don't: "I should/ought to whip my butt into shape." (push)
Do: "I want/choose to become a healthier parent for my kids." (pull)
When we create goals from a place of consciously choosing who we want to become in the process of pursuing them, respecting our authenticity, and considering our impact on others, going after them will bring us as much enjoyment as the achievement. Inner peace and a sense of contentment will replace frustration and desire for more. We will live more in the present moment rather than glamorize the future.
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Izabela Puchala, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Izabela Puchala is an expert in leadership and organizational development. She has an MSc in Economics and a Postgraduate degree in Gestalt Psychotherapeutic Counseling. As a Certified Enneagram Coach, Izabela helps international and dispersed teams go from transactional and artificially harmonious culture to trust, cohesion, and fun. Her clients include the BBC, Salesforce, Planet Labs, and YPO (Young Presidents’ Organization).
