Written by: Grace Alfafara, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Find out why empathy is not effective without setting healthier boundaries for our family and friends. We have been taught from generation to generation that we should learn how to tolerate people who are unhealthy to be with. Whether we choose that to be true for us or not, we will always suffer the consequences of not learning to effectively set healthy boundaries, especially in a very unhealthy relationship. Also, having high tolerance will lead us to set lower standards on how we want to live our lives in peace.
There are indeed times in life when we also need to set stronger and healthier boundaries with our own families or relatives when it is necessary, especially when they unconsciously disturb our inner peace. Because inner peace is thicker than blood relations and it is irreplaceable. Inner peace is irreplaceable and so is time to create it. Never take peace for granted. Always protect its core for it is where your sacred journey progress in growth.
“Never take peace for granted. Always protect its core for it is where your sacred journey progress in growth”. ‒ Grace Alfafara
In most cases, setting healthier boundaries for family members and ourselves is the hardest thing to do. It is a very hard decision to make but it is necessary for our well-being.
The good news is that there are steps in how to deal with setting a healthy boundary without losing ourselves and our inner peace. Regardless of where you and I came from, our culture or race, our childhood upbringing, and where our inheritance beliefs system stems from, at some point in our lives we need to set healthier boundaries on any form of dysfunctional behaviors. Especially dysfunctional behaviors that affect our truth, love, inner peace, and trust. Then, we can apply how to empathize with understanding objectively without losing ourselves in the mix of mishandled emotions.
Here are the steps for creating healthy boundaries for our loved ones, friends, and especially ourselves:
1. Set a mindful awareness: What’s the story and psychology behind the awareness?
First, always be mindful of why you want to create awareness. So, you are on a mission to follow through by setting an example. It starts with you first.
A sense of mindful awareness is key to the fundamental of building healthy boundaries. There’s a stem of psychological stories behind every awareness. Setting a mental awareness of mental abuse will open doors to healing our past emotional trauma and permits others to do the same.
Mental or emotional abuse does not have physical scars as proof. But it can scar us from the inside out, especially, if we are not aware of how unhealthy it is. The signs of mental abuse do harm our inner world first and affect our outer world of lifestyle, our current situation, and our decision-making affects our future as a result, and that’s when the scars can be visible.
This is the beginning of how to break the mold of inherited destructive behaviors that turn into some form of non-scale abuse, which means an abusive behavior that doesn’t leave any physical scar, but a verbal, mental and emotional one.
2. Protect our sense of inner peace: Turn our hurt into healing and our wounds into wisdom
Learning how to protect our inner world of “being-ness” brings us to protect our inner peace to be, have, and do or create in our own life.
Protecting our sacred inner peace is very vital for our core in our personal development and well-being. Because the essence of inner peace is part of our “being-ness” with becoming part of our wholeness. It also makes us who we truly are when we have inner peace from deep within.
Let no one disturb the inner peace we are creating in our life’s journey, and make sure, not even us allowing to self-sabotage our own sacred peace as well.
Start creating a list of healthy habits of what peace looks like, tastes like, and feels like for you.
3. Eliminate unhealthy behaviors and unhealthy people from your life:
This one is going to be a hard one for most people especially if it’s a member of our family circle. But it is also teaching us about boundaries on separating the bad unhealthy behavior from a person. It teaches us to distinguish through the bad behavior of a person and why they do what they do or where it is stemming from. Eliminating anything unhealthy becomes necessary especially when it disturbs our inner peace.
We can either eliminate the unhealthy people from our life when the behavior requires no change at all on their part by loving them from a distance. We are not in control of their irresponsibility for the unhealthy choices they make.
Remember, first always distinguish the difference between seeing the good in the person versus the unhealthy behaviors they chose to do towards you. Because most of the time, it is not about you, it is about what’s going on in their inner world and the insecurities about not finding peace within themselves. It is also the psychology behind every good or bad behavior that’s attached to a story for them to act in a certain way in how they treat you.
Learn to discern and filter through before making any assumptions based on unrealistic perceived notions. Because if you assume it could lead to negative emphasis based on the ‘what if’s instead of the ‘what it is’. When you use your power of discernment to filter through, it also trains your mind to see the good in everything. Because everything in life is a choice of empowering or disempowering creation.
So, let’s learn to choose well whom we need to allow in our life of building a healthy relationship. And by that, we don’t pass on our wounds to the next generations. We learn to end the curse of suffering by the conscious choice we make and be responsible for the energy we bring to any space. Always leave room for grace and improvement to heal. This way we learn how to turn our wounds into wisdom and hurt into healing. Then, we truly are protecting and honoring our inner peace.
4. Lead by example:
Let us also be accountable for our actions and take ownership when we too make a mistake on our part. It takes courage to accept that we too still have some learning to do. And this teaches us about humility and staying grounded within our core. We need to lead by example and be fair to the standards we are setting for ourselves so that other people will learn to earn how to respect our boundaries.
Personal accountability starts by setting an example in our own life of how we want people to respect our boundaries and inner peace. This is done by creating healthy habits in ourselves, and by that, we are also educating others to honor themselves and treat others with self-respect and dignity.
Respect is earned by developing a trust relationship skillset.
Now, what about empathy?
Setting healthy boundaries is far more effective than just empathizing alone. We can empathize all we want, but if we don’t set healthy boundaries by example, it is self-destructive and we enable others’ dysfunctions to continue to sabotage our peace of mind and our well-being. So, with inspired actions on setting healthy boundaries with healthy habits first, then we can empathize from deep within and apply through the act of grace.
5. Stay true to thy self:
No matter what life circumstances may throw at you, always stay true to yourself. I know it is easier said than done.
This simply means we need to never let anyone dim the light on who we truly are. Let no one and not even you sabotage your own life’s vision, mission, or purpose. This is because, by the end of the day, you are your own longest commitment.
The following powerful questions will help you also stay true to yourself when in self-doubt. Let’s get you started in creating your truth of peace, love, and joy.
We feel stuck because we fail to face ourselves in truth, love, and purity. When we are not aware of our truth, people will step over our boundaries and disrespect what is important to us.
“We feel stuck because we fail to face ourselves in truth, love, and purity”. ‒Grace Alfafara
Describe the following:
What is the truth about you according to your personality trait (as in who you are as a person) when you want to treat yourself with self-respect and when you treat others with assertiveness but with grace? Is it the essence of being and desiring to be loving, peaceful, and blessed?
What does love look like in you and for you that you would like others to honor what you stand for?
What sense of peace and joy would you like to re-create in yourself as a safe person to be with? This way it teaches others to be and do the same and not disrespect the peace you have created.
Knowing your truth first on what you truly want in life creates peace in your own life and that is how you also protect yourself from those who don’t know how to respect your sacred boundaries.
Remember, you can only control what is within you and not outside of you by knowing your truth. By that, anything outside your control, will not touch your inner peace unless you allow it to. So, handle the energy of emotions when circumstances arise to challenge your capacity to understand and handle the situation that might affect the sacred peace you are creating in life.
These are the following healthy boundaries we need to start investing in our life development:
*Emotional, psychological/mental, physical fitness, belief system healthy boundaries, finances, career/work, and relational boundaries just to name a few.
If you or anyone you know is ready to commit and take a shift of transformational journey in learning how to set healthy boundaries in any area of life, don’t hesitate to reach out to me.
To know more about who I am and what I do as my mission of service and contribution: Grace-Through Journey
I also have developed an app on empowerment Masterclass online for you to start your transformational journey.
Follow me on Instagram, and Facebook, LinkedIn, for divine insights, education, and empowerment. Reach out to me and send me your empowering feedback about this article. I’d love to hear from you and learn from your life journey as well. You are worth it! And visit my website for more info!
Grace Alfafara, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Grace Alfafara, is a mother to 4 teenagers, a Published Author, Grief Advocate, Certified Sophrologist, and a Certified Transformational Life Coach, in which she specializes in emotional and adaptability intelligence. She also develops an online empowerment Masterclass. She has lived in 5 countries and has worked as a Philanthropist for several years with her family. Her background education in Western culture on Psychology, Quantum Consciousness, and life growing up in a blend of Eastern and African cultures full of diverse life experiences have brought immense wisdom within the span of her life. A mother on a mission: empowering others to embody their true resilient essence wholeheartedly.
