Written by: Rita Trotter, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The path to success is not an easy one. It requires dedication, perseverance, and passion. However, even if you have these qualities in spades, it's still possible that they will lead to self-sabotage and failure instead of success.
The concept of self-sabotage has been around for decades. The first recorded use of the term was in 1871 when Sigmund Freud wrote about "self-defeating behaviour." He observed that many patients had a tendency to sabotage their own happiness and success by making decisions that were not in their best interest.
Freud believed that people who were suffering from self-sabotage would often make choices that would keep them from feeling happy and secure, such as choosing an abusive spouse or staying in an unfulfilling job for too long.
Self-sabotage can be difficult to overcome because we work so hard to sabotage ourselves. But once you start recognizing it, you can reverse your course. By understanding the signs of self-sabotage and what fears are behind them, you can make changes that will benefit your life forever. In this article we'll look at 5 tips for how to rise above self-sabotage and become successful:
Acknowledge The Causes And Signs Of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a term that has been used in many contexts, but the basic meaning of it is to intentionally set yourself up to fail. Self-sabotage can be hard to spot because it can be hard to acknowledge that we would do something to hurt ourselves. It's easy to see when other people are self-sabotaging, but we often don't see our own patterns of self-sabotage.
The biggest sign of self-sabotage is feeling like things have gone wrong when they could have gone right. If you feel like you're constantly making mistakes, or if you feel like bad things keep happening to you even though nothing is going wrong in your life, then it's possible that you're sabotaging yourself without realizing it.
Here are 8 major signs that you're self-sabotaging:
You make excuses for your behaviour or blame others for your problems.
You have difficulty making decisions and setting clear goals.
You procrastinate instead of taking action on important tasks or projects (and then berate yourself for not getting them done). Mostly, you don't finish what you have started.
You feel guilty about spending money or time on yourself, even when it's something you really want or need (and then berate yourself for feeling guilty).
You keep toxic people in your life who drain your energy and make you feel bad about yourself, but you stay connected to them anyway (and then belittle yourself for being "weak").
You don't believe in your worthiness, beauty, abilities or intelligence.
You have chronic health problems because of overworking yourself.
Your negative thoughts tend to spiral out of control into full-blown anxiety or depression, which can lead to substance abuse and eating disorders (or vice versa).
The reason this happens can be due to a variety of reasons:
Fear of success: Some people fear success so much that they will do anything to avoid it — including sabotaging themselves! Fear of success can manifest itself in many ways, but one common form is procrastination. People who fear success may put off starting new projects or taking action on their ideas until it's too late and they no longer have a shot at reaching their goals.
Fear of failure: Some people fear failure so much that they will do anything to avoid it — including sabotaging themselves! Fear of failure can manifest itself in many ways, but one common form is perfectionism. People who fear failure may spend months or years working on something before showing anyone what they've done because they're afraid someone will criticize them or tell them it's not good enough yet.
Fear of change: It can be as simple as being afraid of what other people will think of you if you make a change in your life or as complicated as not wanting to accept that you are now an adult and must make all of your own decisions. You don't follow through with something because you're afraid it won't work out the way you want it to. You hold onto things that aren't working out rather than moving on and finding something better for yourself.
Create a List of Accomplishments (and Use It When the Going Gets Tough)
You may have heard the saying: "Success is just one more failure away." This means that even if things seem bleak now, there's always hope! You just need to look back at your accomplishments and realize how far you've come — even if they're not what you want them to be yet! When you are feeling low, it’s easy to forget all your accomplishments. You may feel like a failure and think that you don’t deserve success. But this is where a list of accomplishments comes in handy!
Don’t just make goals for yourself in the future; write them down as well as how you plan to achieve them. If you create goals for today or next week but don’t write them down, how do you know if they were achieved? Also, make sure that your journal includes things that made you happy or proud during the day so that when times get tough, it will help you remember how far you have come and what potential lies inside of you. If someone wants to be successful, they need to know their potential so they can use it as motivation when things get tough.
Consider Your Habits
When we acknowledge and understand our bad habits, it becomes easier to change them. We can start by identifying the triggers that lead to them, and then finding alternative rewards that are more beneficial.
For example, if your habit is binge-watching Netflix every night after work and you feel drained the next day at work or in your personal life, ask yourself: what am I getting out of this? Do I need a break from my day? Or does something else make me feel good? Then try replacing the reward for watching hours of TV with something else that makes you feel good; perhaps reading blogs about personal growth until you fall asleep or listening to an audiobook on your commute home from work.
Change your life one habit at a time. The first step towards changing your life is to make a habit out of something positive. This can be anything you want, but it’s important that it is something you can stick with and enjoy. Here are some examples of things you could start doing daily:
Exercise for 30 minutes (examples include walking or swimming)
Meditate for 15 minutes
Say “thank you” to someone each day
Read one article from an inspiring person each day (examples include Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Richard Branson)
Take Responsibility for your Life and Stop Accusing Others
You can rise above self-sabotage by taking responsibility for your life. This means not blaming others for things that are a result of your own actions or inaction. It doesn’t mean blaming yourself either, because we all make mistakes and we all have flaws that need to be worked on in order to live a happy life.
It also means not blaming circumstances – like the weather, an economic downturn, or having an unsupportive boss. These are happenstances outside of our control but they do affect us and our situation in ways that impact if and how well we succeed at what we want out of life!
Practice Gratitude Daily
If you’re not happy with your life, if you feel like you’re not living up to your full potential or if you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, then it’s time for some gratitude. Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal against self-sabotage because it can help us change our perspective and see things differently.
Gratitude is also something that we can practice on a daily basis. It doesn’t take much time at all—just five minutes every morning before you start your day. Here are some things to be grateful about:
Be grateful for what you have.
Be grateful for the people in your life.
Be grateful for the challenges you face, as they may be exactly what you need to grow and evolve as a person—and if not, then they’re just part of life and not worth getting upset over!
And finally, be grateful that no matter how many times you fall down or make mistakes along the way, there is always another day ahead of us with new opportunities at hand.
Change Your Posture and Your Thoughts
Changing your posture will not only help you feel better about yourself, but it will also affect the way you think. Researchers from Harvard University have found that people who sit upright with their shoulders back and their heads held high tend to be more confident, alert and energetic than those who slump over. Taking up space in the world can change how others perceive you as well; by taking up more space in your office chair or standing tall when talking with colleagues, others are more likely to notice and appreciate what you have to say.
Achieving this ideal posture is easier said than done for some people—and unfortunately, there's no magic pill (yet). If sitting up straight is difficult for you because of back pain or other health issues, try experimenting with different positions until you feel comfortable enough for long periods of time. For example: sit cross-legged on a yoga ball instead of using an office chair; place a wedge pillow under each knee; hold onto something solid while sitting down (e.g., grab onto the edge of a table) to improve balance; etc.
Once you've found what works best for you physically, try shifting your mental focus towards positive thoughts too! It may seem strange at first but changing how we talk about ourselves has been proven time and time again to have positive effects: When we tell ourselves "I'm strong," our bodies respond accordingly by lifting heavier weights at the gym than if we were told, "I'm weak." So whether it's through affirmations or simply saying out loud that "I am successful" throughout each day—try anything!
Surround Yourself With Positive People
One of the most important things to do when it comes to self-sabotage is to surround yourself with positive people. As cliché as it sounds, positivity attracts positivity and negativity repels it. This can be applied to all facets of your life, but especially when you're feeling down on yourself and your goals.
There's no better way for someone else's negative energy infecting into your psyche than by hanging around them during a time when you feel like giving up or that everything has gone wrong for you. You'll find that those people who are always complaining about their own situations will make themselves feel better by bringing others down with them as well.
You need people who are going to support whatever choices you make in life; whether they're good or bad decisions at times, they should always be supportive of whatever path their loved one chooses (unless they're doing something illegal!). The same goes for friends who have aspirations similar to yours; having these types of relationships around will help motivate both parties involved into working harder towards achieving those dreams together instead of against each other which could lead towards resentment over being left behind instead of ahead because one person got there first instead due to lackadaisical behaviour by another friend/partner/lover etc...
Don't Watch the New
Do you know what's worse than a bad day? A bad week. And a bad month. And a bad year. And a bad decade.
It's true that the news can make you feel upset and angry, but it doesn't have to be this way! The news is often negative and sensationalized, so it's best if you stop watching it altogether.
When you do watch the news, keep in mind that there are many biases at play—the reporters (and editors) aren’t always impartial in their reporting of events; they sometimes skew their coverage to favour certain politicians or parties over others; they tend not to cover positive stories unless they're big enough to warrant a mention; and sometimes they even fabricate stories out of thin air!
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Psychologist Leon Festinger coined the Social Comparison theory in 1954. In those early days, he explained that comparison leads to dissatisfaction in life and causes destructive behaviours like self-sabotage.
Stop comparing yourself to others. It's a waste of time and energy. You can't be everything to everyone, so don't try. Instead, focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be. It's easy to compare your life with others' lives on social media, but it's not helpful at all because it will only make you feel worse about yourself and lead to self-sabotage.
Stop judging yourself for your mistakes or for not being perfect all the time. The more you judge yourself, the more damaged your self-esteem becomes and the more likely you are to self-sabotage in order to punish yourself for not being good enough.
Self-sabotage is a disease that affects many of us that prevent us from achieving our ultimate success. It’s a terrible feeling to feel like your life isn’t going anywhere and that it could be better than what it is now. But with the right attitude, support from others and some proactive steps towards success, you can overcome this negative emotion.
Now that you have recognised the cause of self-sabotage and learned about how to combat them, it's also important to reach out when things get out of control. Psychologists and life coaches like me can definitely help you trace your way out of this cycle. Ready to make a change? Let's have a talk here.
Rita Trotter, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
My passion, work, and philosophies focus on the joy factor, self-acceptance, physical and emotional cohesion, and authentic wellness and I enjoy sharing my wisdom for all that is connected to a successful and healthy life. My foundation in women’s health comes from my own struggles with weight, sleep, energy, productivity, and health and my passion to share this with the whole female collective. I am a Personal Trainer, Nutrition Coach, Behaviour Change Specialist, Long Covid Rehabilitator, Women’s Hormone, and Pre and Post Natal Specialist, Health for Business Coach, published author of three globally selling books, and the creator and facilitator of The Self-Health System Programmes.
