Mona Vogel facilitates intuitive holistic healing, guiding people to transform their lives. She is the founder of the School of Light, a modern mystic school dedicated to helping individuals worldwide reach higher levels of consciousness.
Toxic relationships are more common than we might think. From the outside, it’s easy to say, “This wouldn’t happen to me,” but often, we don’t fully understand what toxic relationship traits look like. Once you’re in one, it’s easy to lose the connection to yourself, your confidence, and your ability to recognize whether the dynamic you’re experiencing is healthy or not. Here is a small guide to help you on your journey to reclaim your power.
What is a toxic relationship?
Let’s clarify the subject in the beginning. A toxic relationship is any relationship that harms your mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being—whether it’s with a romantic partner, friend, family member, or someone else. These relationships can be physically, emotionally, and/or mentally draining.
How to identify a toxic relationship
Many behaviors and traits can show up in a toxic relationship. The first clue is your overall well-being. Do you feel loved, supported, and safe in this relationship, or does it leave you feeling the opposite? Are you able to resolve conflicts, or do you find yourself going in circles, and feeling insecure about discussing certain topics? Remember, healthy relationships also have conflicts, but they get resolved, and you feel safe during the process.
When we’re emotionally involved with someone, it can be hard to step back and see clearly what’s happening. The "rose-tinted glasses" effect can cloud your perception, making it difficult to recognize toxic traits or behaviors. Everyone has their own time and pace to see clearly before taking steps in a new direction. Know that you are not alone, and it takes courage to leave.
Common traits and behaviors in a toxic relationship
Here are some traits and behaviors that indicate an unhealthy dynamic:
Jealousy
Lack of support
Dishonesty
Possessiveness
Lack of boundaries
Competitiveness
Hostile communication
Controlling behavior
Manipulation
Gaslighting
Unmet needs
Loss of self
Psychological abuse
Resentment
Disrespect
Criticism
Toxic communication
Fear of physical aggression
Physical abuse
Social isolation
Loss of self-esteem
Financial irresponsibility
Lack of trust
Walking on eggshells
Frequent drama and conflict
Avoidance of important topics (e.g., having children, future plans)
Losing friends
Lack of reliability
Bringing out the worst in each other
Unrealistic expectations
Broken promises to change
Mockery
Lack of appreciation
Coercive sexual intercourse
Lack of privacy
Avoiding time with friends and family
Physical and emotional distancing
Discussions leading nowhere
Neglect of self-care
How to leave a toxic relationship
Leaving a toxic relationship takes bravery. You may have lost some of your self-esteem and might fear what life will look like without the other person. You may also be concerned about how the other person will react to your decision to leave.
Involving your support system of friends and family can be incredibly helpful. Inform them of what you’re going through so they can support you during this transition. Communicate your decision clearly, including any needs and desires for after the breakup—such as a desire for no contact, which can be very helpful in the beginning to regain your strength and
self-esteem.
Making space for yourself and the healing process after the relationship can be very beneficial. Many topics and realizations may surface once you’ve left and have had time to reflect without being directly involved in the dynamics.
Be compassionate and curious
After a breakup, it’s common to ask yourself, “How did this happen to me?” This is a healthy sign that you’re recognizing the toxic dynamic and starting to see things from a new perspective. Try not to judge yourself for being with that person. Instead, be compassionate with yourself and approach this reflection time with curiosity. When we are curious about why things happen, we open the door to healing and change. Recognizing patterns that have played out in the relationship offers an opportunity for growth.
You can feel more empowered by taking responsibility for what happened on your end and what you allowed to happen. It’s not your job to change the other person or to blame them. Your power returns when you acknowledge what happened and take steps toward a new future by doing the inner work.
Do the inner work
You may have heard the expression, “Time heals all wounds.” However, nothing changes unless we make changes. To improve your relationships with others, you need to look inside yourself.
Healing work can help you identify where you lack self-love and where past traumas might be holding you back from having the relationships you truly desire. Healing the patterns and relationships we have with our parents or caregivers is crucial since they are the first relationships in our lives and leave an imprint on our system.
Start with a cord-cutting session
To begin the healing work for better relationships, I recommend starting with a cord-cutting session. Everything is energy, and we are energetic beings. In every relationship, we have an energetic cord with the other person that can be cut to stop any energetic exchange. This is extremely helpful in allowing you to feel more like yourself and reclaim your power.
Go deeper with Inner Child Healing
Next, consider engaging in healing sessions that involve Inner Child Healing, as the problems and challenges you face now often have their origins in the past. We all had moments in our childhood where our needs were not met, and we developed limiting beliefs that later played out in our relationships. The first years of our childhood are so important in shaping how we relate to ourselves and others, often becoming templates for patterns we repeat.
Exploring your relationships with your father and mother can provide valuable insights into how these relationships influence your current ones. To break free from toxic dynamics, it’s essential to go back to where the problem started and heal the wound at its core, changing your behavior in the present and opening new possibilities in the future.
Cultivate (more) self-love
Establishing a deep sense of self-love is another important part of the healing journey. The more you love yourself, the more love you will attract into your life. Toxic traits and behaviors will no longer be tolerated, and you will regain your confidence and trust in life and love.
Learn skills to handle challenging situations in the future
Learning how to communicate your needs and desires and feeling safe doing so is a valuable step on your healing path. Establishing healthy boundaries and being able to communicate them will set you up for success and happiness in your next relationship.
Allow the magic to unfold
Doing the inner work and facing your wounds is courageous and will be rewarded. Life is always working for you and mirrors what’s going on inside you. By doing the inner work, it’s just a matter of time before you notice the magic unfolding in your life. You will feel more confident and comfortable in your own skin. Happiness and lightness will return to your life, and by changing your inner world, you will attract people who are a match to this new you. Don’t be surprised if you finally attract the right partner, more supportive friends, and amazing people into your life.
If you are currently in a toxic relationship or still recovering from one, join Reclaim your power - a program designed for women to transform the relationship to yourself and others in only 30 days.
Ready to experience a transformative shift in your life? Connect with Mona Vogel on Instagram or visit her website to learn more about her healing sessions and facilitator training programs. Step into the new version of yourself today!
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Mona Vogel, CEO, Facilitator of Light Healing
Mona Vogel is a CEO, facilitator for energy healing, and coach dedicated to helping individuals heal from suppressed pain and past trauma. Her unique Quantum Light healing method empowers people to resolve deep-seated issues, transforming their mindset, emotional state, and physical health to create the life they truly desire.
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