Niketa Vakani is a Self-Love and Relationship coach helping individuals find a deeper love and acceptance of themselves, resulting in an improvement of their relationships and others areas of their life. She has been a guest speaker on the podcasts - The Unfltered Podcast: For some reason I had to have MS and Sunday SoulDay.
Are you trapped in the narrative of your past? Do the hardships, injustices, and painful memories continue to shape your present reality? Many of us unknowingly allow our life stories to dictate our emotions, relationships, and overall happiness. Whether it’s a past heartbreak, the loss of a loved one, or experiences of betrayal, these stories can become a loop in our minds, keeping us stuck in negativity.
Are you stuck in your life story?
By this, I mean the story of your life, the hardships, the injustices, the wrongdoings by others. Do you often dwell on this and allow it to dictate how you feel and navigate through life? Maybe you have trust issues or feel that, eventually, everyone will abandon you. Perhaps you relive the story, your version in your head, often going around in circles, stuck in a rut, unable to move on. You feel consumed by your thoughts.
I hear you. I feel you. I've been there. Yes, it's tough! We all have a story, a severely broken heart from a relationship, the loss of a loved one, a health battle, ill-treatment by a close family member, etc. There are many stories we tell ourselves that propel us into a downward spiral of negative thinking. We feel sorry for ourselves and become immersed in the calamities we have experienced, robbing us of the joys in our present moment.
When we regularly experience these painful memories, they can also affect our ability to hold on to meaningful relationships. What can we do with these stories that play through our heads and rob us of our mental peace?
Seven tips to help you move away from being stuck in your life story
1. Take the lesson
Ask yourself, "What have I learnt through this story?" Is your story one of survival? Perhaps you are a source of inspiration for many people facing their own battles. Did it make you stronger, equipping you with the reins to gallop through future adversities? Maybe you have become more self-aware and empathetic towards the struggles of others.
Focus on the positives that have come from your story. Your experiences may have led you to create healthier boundaries with others. Maybe you can use your own lessons to guide others as well. A story generally leaves behind some wisdom, teaching you something about yourself or others and contributing to your personal and emotional development while helping others.
2. Create an awareness of your thinking
Catch your thoughts when your story comes up. Observe them rather than allowing the hurt from them to consume you. Remind yourself that you are not in that situation anymore and that there is no benefit in allowing these thoughts to cause you pain. The ego actually likes to trap us into feeling good about being in pain. It wants us to feel sorry for ourselves! We can also become addicted to the feeling of pain because pain is what we are familiar with, and, strangely, also comfortable with. Tell yourself that you do not consent to these painful thoughts. This part of the story was in your past, and your present moment does not need to relive it.
Question the validity of your thoughts. Are they fact or something you have assumed? Could you be making up another story that is grand, elaborate, and actually not true? When we begin to think about what we are thinking, we start to discriminate between what is fact and what is our own made-up fiction.
3. Incorporate mindfulness
When your past trauma resurfaces, use tools such as mindfulness to help you focus on where you are in the current moment.
Become aware of your surroundings. What can you see, hear, and smell? Utilising your senses to distract you is a powerful means of grounding yourself.
Inhale, exhale deeply, and listen to your breath. You can use the 7-11 technique (breathe in for seven seconds, breathe out for 11) or close your eyes and imagine breathing in positivity and breathing out any negativity.
Identify where you feel the painful emotions in your body. If you try, you will know, it could be your stomach or even your throat. These sensations are related to your chakras. For example, your throat chakra may be telling you that you need to express yourself more. An uncomfortable feeling in your stomach signifies insecurity, low self-esteem, lack of personal power, or difficulty asserting yourself.
Visualise the pain as a white light leaving that part of your body (like a thick rope), transforming into a golden glow, and then re-entering your body to heal you.
Tell yourself that in this moment, all is, in fact, well.
4. Journal your thoughts
You can release the weight of what you are carrying in your head by transferring it to paper instead. Write down how you are feeling unapologetically! This is your safe, private space, and no one is going to hear or read about it apart from you.
Journaling can help you reduce your painful emotions by allowing you to express and process your thoughts and feelings. You can gain more clarity on your story, release your pent-up emotions, identify your negative thought patterns, and ultimately gain a better understanding of yourself, leading to a calmer state of mind. It may even be therapeutic to burn what you have written, physically allowing it to leave you.
5. Eject the thoughts from your brain
This, I find, is a super powerful technique! It involves pressing your forehead to visualise your stored story being ejected from your memory or brain. With two fingers on your forehead, you can, for example, say out loud, "I release my fear." Then press your forehead and imagine the fear ejecting out of your brain.
You may have to perform this exercise several times throughout the day to make sure that whatever you are feeling is being fully ejected! It can be used to eject any negative emotion that you have stored in your brain and is a tool that is accessible whenever you need it.
6. Remember your happy memories
Despite your life’s story, you must have a bank of wonderful moments that you have created for yourself or with others. These can be drawn upon when you are feeling down as a reminder that life has also blessed you with precious moments that have filled you with joy. Have these happy memories ready to call upon when you are struggling with your thoughts. Shifting your focus to good memories can divert your thinking and bring you out of a downward spiral.
7. Acknowledge that it is also okay to not be okay
If the above tips are initially too hard to implement, give yourself permission to feel. We all have those moments when we think about our story, and it's okay to give yourself some allocated time to reflect. Set a specific amount of time, maybe 10 minutes, to allow yourself to think about your story. Cry if you need to release these emotions. Trauma is stored in the body and needs a healthy release. Crying releases endorphins and oxytocin, which can help ease physical and emotional pain.
Talking to others can also help process your thoughts. It's important for the body not to hold onto trauma and negative emotions. Setting a time limit prevents you from dwelling on these painful thoughts for too long and becoming depressed. Most importantly, be kind to yourself and give yourself the same compassion you would give a friend or a child in despair.
Try not to become constantly immersed in the sadness and negativity of your story. Remember, we attract more of what we feel, so flipping the narrative is an amazing way to create a more meaningful life from your story.
If you find yourself still struggling with the trauma related to your story, I can help you process these difficult emotions and incorporate tools to assist you in creating your new story for a happier life.
Niketa Vakani, Self-Love and Relationship Coach
Niketa is a dedicated Self-Love and Relationship Coach, inspiring countless individuals with her story of resilience and personal transformation. Faced with immense challenges, including an abusive marriage and severe health issues leading to paralysis, Niketa has triumphed over adversity through unwavering faith and determination.
After being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, she fought her way back to health, relearning to walk and reclaiming her life. A Jay Shetty certified coach , Niketa now uses her experiences to empower others, helping them build self-love, strength, resilience, and confidence. Her life motto, "Face your challenges, dance with life" encapsulates her approach to overcoming obstacles and finding joy admist adversity.
