Written by: Sam Evans, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Over the last year, we have had to adjust to big changes like homeschooling, remote working and the absence of our usual hobbies and routines, and the security of our extended family. I, for one, as a mother, a wife, and a business coach, did not expect it to impact me as I worked from home already, but it did. We were never meant to cope with the pressure, stress, and anxiety that came with being a full-time parent, homeschooling, and working from home all at the same time. With a background of continued uncertainty and a lack of being able to be sociable for over a year, it caused many of us to question whether we could really do it all.
We did not expect our lives to be thrown into turmoil nor be told what we can and can’t do. As a trained expert specializing in helping women eliminate self-sabotaging beliefs, feelings, and behaviors, the fear of the unknown coupled with what life would be like for younger generations provided triggers like nothing we’d experienced before.
So why did we feel like this?
Why was it so challenging, and painful and why could we not adjust to it with ease?
As humans, we’ve been conditioned to think, feel, and respond in a certain way based on the experiences we go through in our lifetime. Memories that have been banked in the unconscious mind create our values, beliefs and support our ability to make decisions. So, when we were told in March 2020 that lockdown was going ahead, we all felt shocked, causing our nervous systems to go into flight, fright, or freeze mode with a deep level of uncertainty of what to expect.
Humans do not respond well to change or being told we cannot do what we want when we want, especially if we as humans have been conditioned to think, feel and behave in a particular way.
To be told we could not go outside for longer than a set amount of time or live life as normal triggered emotional reactions based on previous experiences not yet addressed or even known for it to be a problem.
Instead of racing off to work leaving any problems behind at home, we were confronted with them 24/7. When we repeatedly think of negative things, our bodies begin to go into a state of anxiety. We have been made to believe it is just stress and we need to calm down but, it’s actually our body's saying we need to pay attention and we need to let this go.
Your body does not know how to think or be different as it’s been conditioned from the day you were born until you were seven, as 95% of your physical responses are dictated by your subconscious mind.
They say it takes 21 days to instill a new habit. However, it takes at least 365 days for serious integration. In just over a year, that’s exactly what has happened for everyone. We have had to adjust our entire lives, our wellbeing, our usual daily routines as if, like children, we have been told we’re not allowed to play.
For many, it is left us feeling exhausted and frustrated as our minds have begun to respond to our nervous system, triggering fears, doubts, and insecurity, which in turn are trying to make sense of the new ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving.
We have had to become more flexible and more open, but despite adapting the best we’ve been able to, and now being conformed to a new way of living, we have still been left with a deep sense of overwhelm and uncertainty of what is true and what is not.
Now, despite feeling exhausted with over a year of lockdowns and a desire to be free to do what we want, we are now more able to have the freedom to meet with friends and family.
To be able to have that connection with people is deeply desired, yet the fears of what to expect in the future are still there in the deeper part of the mind.
So how do we move forward?
How do we readjust to a new sense of normal and leave the past behind, including the negativity?
Here are my recommendations to help you:
1. Facing The Inner Critic.
When certain thoughts and feelings appear in the mind, we have the tendency to ignore them or brush them away.
When they appear, instead of ignoring them, address them. When we consciously make an effort to be aware of our thoughts and feelings, we begin to take back control of the inner voice.
For example, I am not good enough as a mum – use the following thought process:
a. Why do I believe this to be true?
b. Is there any truth to this belief?
c. How is this causing you a problem.
d. What can you believe instead?
Your mind doesn’t control you. You control it. So be proud of yourself because you are finally breaking the habit of your past thought process.
2. Listen to your body.
When anxiety creeps into the body, normally around the chest or gut area, acknowledge that it is there because your body is telling you something.
a. Pause and ask yourself what is it that my body is trying to tell me and listen attentively to what it is telling you.
b. It’s about being kind to yourself and knowing that you’re going through a period of change and uncertainty just as everyone else.
c. Stop, pause, and take 4 deep breathes in and out, and remind yourself you are okay.
3. Reflect.
Another tip I highly recommend is journaling your thoughts. Journaling has played a massive part in my coaching, and for my own self-development, and without fail, I journal every single morning.
When you pay attention and become self-aware of your thoughts and feelings, you begin to break the habit of the negative nelly voices consciously.
To work through this, I would advise the following:
a. Write down your thoughts and feelings.
b. Why do you believe these are coming up for you?
c. What can you learn from these beliefs, thoughts, and emotions?
d. How can you approach them the next time they appear?
Make that conscious effort to put your mental wellbeing first.
4. Apply A Polarity test.
When I discovered silent counseling, I had no idea how powerful it would be. Our behaviors are dictated by at least 95% of our subconscious mind and what I have realized is that even though we can do all the mind work, what about the physical work?
This test is an effective way for a person who is experiencing negative attitudes and self-sabotaging behaviors to surrender them by releasing them from the physical body.
When one is in this state, this is referred to as Psychological Reversal (PR) which blocks any kind of healing to the human body and most probably why most people struggle to work on their minds.
An example of PR being present could be feelings of irritability, waking up in a bad mood, negative self-talk, and even procrastination.
To allow yourself to move from PR to a positive state, the following will allow your physical body to respond and have that instant shift:
a. Using your two right fingers, rub the soft spot on the left side of the chest, just under the armpit, while focusing on the issue that is causing you to feel negativity. Whilst rubbing, inhale deeply, and exhale two breaths – first short second longer. Repeat this three times.
b. After, use the two same right fingers and gently tap under the nose. This is the meridian point for personal trust and reassurance of internal change. Whilst rubbing, inhale deeply, and exhale two breaths – first short second longer. Repeat this three times.
c. Finally, tap the side of the left hand, reconfirming the following positive affirmations – “I am well, I am content, and I am in control, I am confident and safe as me.” This is another meridian point for change.
Always remember that people are not their behaviors. If 95% of your behavior is dictated and controlled by your unconscious mind, it’s safe to say that most people are not actually themselves they are just mirroring a reflection of their own insecurities and self-doubt based on their own experiences and conditioning from the outside world.
Every human is living a life based on their subconscious thoughts so just forgive them, let it go, and consciously remember that you are an incredible being, and it’s safe for you to be yourself.
Sam Evans, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sam Evans, CEO of Sam Evans Global, is the UK's leading expert in the mind-body connection. She is known as an Intuitive business coach and mentor who has helped transform hundreds of female entrepreneurs in the online realm.
Using her trademark system, The Cognitive Switch® & Unlock Your Money Block®, she has enabled women in business to confidently increase revenues up to £150k, attract followers, and defeat self-sabotage, by teaching them how to be decisive in action, clear in message, and overcome their worst enemy: themselves.
As an accredited Master Coach in NLP, Timeline Therapy™, and Hypnotherapy, a UK approved TTi® Emotional Quotient Practitioner specialising in Emotional Intelligence, Human Design, and Silent Counseling. Sam has enabled her clients to be decisive, clear on their purpose, and profitable. She is also a number 1 best-selling Amazon author of Monetise Your Message and currently writing her own book soon to be published in 2021.
Sam has been featured on Fox, NBC, Coach Magazine, Mental Magazine and Mum Boss UK, as well on podcasts such as Andrew Kaplan’s Shatter the Mold, Hannah Marie Olivia’s Adulting Advice, and guest expert at the MIBA International Event, guest trainer at the women helping women grow summit, hosted by Sabine Kvenberg and a profound speaker at the HerStory Global Summit in 2020.
Sam’s purpose and mission is to transform the lives of one million women, by diminishing the inner critic to access their infinite intelligence and potentiality by 2030. She is based in the UK with her husband and 2 children.
