Written by: Brooke Summer Adams, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
All too often we will hold ourselves stuck, worrying about what other people may think of our decisions, fearing rejection or judgement from strangers, friends and family.
Brooke Summer Adams, Internationally Accredited Transformation Coach, NLP Master Practitioner, International Speaker, Trainer and Writer is here today to shed some light on how you free yourself from the fear of what other people may think or say about you.
1. Understand WHY we ALL experience anxiety around potential judgement, ridicule and rejection
Yes, you’re not alone! Everyone at some point in their life has second-guessed their own choices and decisions based on the potential reaction they may face from another. And there’s actual science to explain this!
Humans are hardwired to seek approval and avoid rejection. We are social creatures. If you look back over our evolution, the rate of our survival greatly depended upon the sizes of our tribes! If you were rejected by the tribe, you’d be left on your own, and you’d probably die. Our survival literally depended upon not getting rejected by other people.
Speed forward to the year 2022, this no longer applies. However, our evolution has not yet caught up ‒ we are still hardwired to seek approval and avoid rejection. This alone underpins so many fears and anxieties that we as a society face in the modern world (such as a fear of being seen, a fear of public speaking and so on).
Sometimes simply understanding that your response to the potential for rejection is natural, and outdated, can alleviate the anxiety we feel about this possibility.
Know that if you get rejected, you’re going to be fine.
2. Understand that what people say about you is actually about them, even if it comes with good intentions
It hurts people to see in others what they lack within themselves. If people can find a way of convincing themselves that you don’t actually have what they want… they will. People will perceive your confidence as arrogance if that makes THEMSELVES feel better about lacking confidence in the first place. People will assume you’ve edited your pictures or used filters if it makes them feel better about their own physical insecurities. People will tell you that you shouldn’t pursue your dreams because it makes THEM feel better about not having the courage to pursue their own dreams.
Understand that what people say about you, is never actually about you. If something you do makes another person feel uncomfortable in some way, know that is because you’ve triggered something within THEM.
This still applies even if the opinion of another comes with good intentions. A parent may tell you that it’s not a good idea to pursue an avenue that has potential for failure because they don’t want to see you fail and get upset. The bottom line is, it would hurt THEM to see you upset. It’s still about THEM.
3. Understand there is no way you should be, you owe it to the world to be authentic
Of all the people who have ever lived, who currently do live, and whoever will live ‒ YOU are the only YOU. There are no rules for how you are supposed to live your life, there are no particular ways that you are “supposed” to be. This is your life, and you make the rules.
When you show up authentically, as yourself, regardless of what other people may say… 2 things are bound to happen.
you’re going to cast some people out, some people naturally won’t like you, and they will reject you
you’re going to call in the people who genuinely love you for who you are, you’re going to create a tribe of people who truly accept you.
BOTH of these things are AMAZING. You’re going to remove everyone from your circle who is limiting your ability to live the life you truly want to live, making space for those who are going to support, love and cheer you on as you embrace your authentic self.
This all boils down to one over-ruling question … would you rather be loved for someone that you’re not? Or hated for someone that you truly are?
At the end of the day, in 150 years' time, everyone who’s currently alive on this planet will be dead. Including you. You have such a short amount of time to live your life, you deserve to live it in a way that is authentically you, and the world deserves to be shown that. You have no idea how many other people out there are waiting to be inspired by someone just like you.
The opinion of your old classmates really isn’t as important as your brain may have you believe. Think about it… if you found out you were going to die tomorrow… how much would you really care about what other people think?
4. Get a coach to check if this fear is rooted in limiting beliefs or a false narrative remaining from childhood
Sometimes there is no amount of logical thought that can reassure your brain and body that it’s okay to be yourself.
Sometimes there are deep-rooted beliefs and experiences that underpin our fears and consequent behaviours. This is where coaches come in.
A coach will be able to help you break these beliefs and re-write these narratives that are holding you stuck, and allow you to free yourself from the anxiety of potential rejection, ridicule or judgement, so that you can be the person you actually want to be.
You can connect with Brooke by using any of the links below.
People can connect with me via Email, Facebook, Instagram or my Website. Wherever you go you’ll find helpful training and info on all things transformation. Read more from Brooke!
Brooke Summer Adams, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Brooke Summer Adams is an Internationally Accredited Transformation Coach and NLP Master Practitioner. Rated 'Top 10 Female Life Coaches to Work Within 2021' by Yahoo Finance, Brooke runs her 'Best Self Blueprint' course, provides expert training in various online communities including her own, and works 1-2-1 with clients to help other women transform into the very best versions of themselves. Following her own personal transformation, Brooke acquired an honours degree in psychology, certification in coaching, business and NLP, an international accreditation in coaching and qualified as an NLP master practitioner in order to truly understand the process of transformation ‒ in a way that could be used to also change other peoples lives. This combination of study, practice and personal experience has allowed her to piece together a step by step process for moving someone from where they are, to where they want to be. Transforming mindset, self-esteem and lifestyle, this process can be applied uniquely to each individual to allow them to step into alignment with the person they've always wanted to become.
