Tracey Chapman is one of the few Resilience and Certified High-Performance coaches in the world who has walked the painful grief journey. She specializes in assisting executive men and women in navigating their journey of grief.
Grief is not something you move past but a journey you learn to live with. You will heal and grow around the loss, becoming whole again yet forever changed by the remaining love and connection.
Grief and loss are profound experiences that touch every aspect of our lives. Whether it's the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a significant life change, grief can bring a cascade of intense emotions: sadness, anger, confusion, and even numbness. In a culture that often encourages us to ‘move on’ quickly or ‘stay strong,’ we may feel pressured to suppress or ignore our grief.
When my youngest son passed tragically, ‘moving on’ quickly or ‘staying strong’ seemed impossible and even disrespectful to his memory. I learned that allowing ourselves to experience and express our grief entirely is crucial for healing. Grief is not a linear process with a set timeline; it's a deeply personal journey that unfolds differently for everyone.
Embracing our grief, rather than avoiding it, can lead to profound personal growth and a deeper appreciation for life. Through my own experience, I discovered that the path to healing lies not in avoidance but in the courageous act of sitting with my feelings and acknowledging and honouring our pain can help us find meaning in our loss.
This article explores the importance of embracing grief through emotional processing and provides five techniques for navigating this journey with compassion and resilience.
The importance of sitting with your feelings in grief
Grief is a natural and necessary response to loss. It is not just a mental or emotional process; it deeply affects our bodies, minds, and spirits. When we lose someone or something dear to us, our entire being reacts to this absence.
Denying or suppressing these feelings can lead to complicated grief, where the pain of loss lingers and interferes with our ability to function. Unprocessed grief can also manifest physically, contributing to conditions like heart disease, weakened immune systems, and chronic stress.
Embracing our emotions during grief is not just a suggestion; it's a vital step towards healing and personal growth. When we allow ourselves to sit with our feelings, we engage in a powerful act of self-care and emotional honesty, fully experiencing our emotions, whether crushing sadness, burning anger, or overwhelming despair, is like opening a pressure valve. It prevents these intense feelings from becoming trapped and festering within us, potentially causing long-term emotional and physical harm.
Facing our pain head-on accelerates the healing process. By confronting our grief, we gain invaluable insights into our inner selves, develop resilience, and learn coping mechanisms to serve us well beyond our current loss. Some find solace in journaling their thoughts and feelings, while others may find comfort in physical activities like running or yoga.
The shower offers a perfect environment for emotional release as a private sanctuary. The running water provides comforting background noise and symbolises the cleansing of our pain. It's a powerful reminder that, like water washing away tears, time and self-compassion can gradually ease our suffering, allowing us to emerge stronger and more self-aware on the other side of grief.
The courage and vulnerability in grieving
Sitting with grief takes immense courage. Our culture often stigmatises vulnerability, equating it with weakness, but in truth, it takes great strength to face our pain head-on. Grief, by its very nature, makes us feel vulnerable and exposed to the raw emotions that loss uncovers. According to psychologist Alan Wolfelt, “Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. The price you pay for love is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity. The only cure for grief is to grieve.”
Embracing vulnerability means allowing yourself to be present with your emotions without judgment or the urge to fix them. It involves permitting yourself to mourn in your way, without time constraints, and recognising that grief is a profoundly personal journey. We do not simply ‘move on’ from loss.
Researcher Brené Brown highlights the power of vulnerability in fostering connection and resilience. When applied to grief, vulnerability allows you to engage fully with your emotions, leading to a deeper understanding of your loss and a more authentic path to healing.
1. Mindful observation
Mindful observation is a technique that can be particularly helpful during grief. This practice, rooted in mindfulness meditation, involves observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment. In the context of grief, mindful observation helps you witness your pain and sorrow as they arise without becoming overwhelmed.
How to practice
Find a quiet space where you can sit comfortably.
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to centre yourself.
Notice the emotions that surface related to your loss. These could be sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief.
Observe these emotions as if you were watching them from a distance. Notice where in your body you feel them, how they change, and any accompanying thoughts or memories.
Allow yourself to experience these emotions without trying to change or analyse them.
Continue this practice for 10-15 minutes, gradually increasing the duration as you become more comfortable.
Why it works
Mindful observation creates a space for you to experience grief without being consumed. By observing your emotions without judgment, you can process them more effectively, allowing for a gradual release of pain. This practice helps you develop a compassionate relationship with your grief, fostering emotional resilience during a difficult time.
2. Body scan meditation
Grief's physical manifestation in our bodies is a powerful yet often overlooked aspect of the mourning process. Body scan meditation emerges as a highly effective technique for addressing this physical component of grief.
This practice guides us to focus on each part of our body systematically, allowing us to identify and acknowledge areas where grief-related tension, discomfort, or pain may reside. This heightened awareness is crucial, enabling us to pinpoint exactly where our bodies carry the weight of our emotional distress. Once identified, we can direct our attention and care to these areas, promoting release and relief.
The beauty of this technique lies in its ability to bridge the gap between our emotional and physical experiences of grief, offering a holistic approach to healing. Many who have employed body scan meditation, including myself, report significant improvements in their overall well-being. It provides a tangible way to address the often intangible nature of grief, allowing us to take concrete steps towards recovery.
By incorporating this practice into our grief management routine, we equip ourselves with a powerful tool for navigating the complex landscape of loss, ensuring that we're tending to our emotional and physical needs during this challenging time.
How to practice
Lie down on your back in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
Begin by focusing on your toes, noticing any sensations in this area, whether it’s warmth, tingling, or tension.
Slowly move your attention up your body, focusing on each area: feet, legs, abdomen, chest, arms, hands, neck, and head.
As you scan each part of your body, acknowledge any areas of tension or discomfort. These areas might hold grief-related emotions, like a tight chest or an upset stomach.
Breathe into these areas, imagining your breath bringing relaxation and release.
Continue this practice for 20-30 minutes or as long as necessary to scan your body thoroughly.
Why it works
The body scan meditation helps you become more attuned to the physical manifestations of grief. By bringing awareness to these areas, you can release stored tension and allow your emotions to flow more freely. This practice also helps you integrate your emotional experience with your physical body, essential for holistic healing.
3. Journaling
Journaling can be a powerful outlet for grief. Writing about your thoughts and feelings allows you to process your loss tangibly, providing clarity and relief. It can also serve as a record of your grief journey, helping you to see how your emotions evolve.
How to practice
Set aside a specific time each day for journaling. This could be in the morning, before bed, or when you need to process your emotions.
Find a quiet space where you can write without distractions.
Begin by writing about your loss and how it has affected you. Don’t worry about grammar or structure — just let your thoughts flow freely onto the page.
Explore the different emotions you are experiencing, whether it’s sadness, anger, guilt, or something else. Be honest with yourself.
If you’re struggling to identify your emotions, try writing about a specific memory or moment related to your loss and how it made you feel.
End your journaling session by writing a few sentences of self-compassion. Acknowledge that grief is a natural response to loss and that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.
Why it works
Journaling provides a safe space for you to explore and process your grief. You can better understand your emotional landscape by putting your thoughts and feelings into words. This practice also helps you identify patterns in your grief, such as triggers or recurring themes, leading to greater self-awareness and emotional processing.
4. Visualisation
Visualisation is a technique for using your imagination to process your grief. It can be beneficial when dealing with intense or overwhelming emotions.
Visualisation allows you to create a mental image of your grief, helping you to engage with it in a more manageable and structured way.
How to practice
Find a quiet space to sit comfortably and close your eyes.
Take a few deep breaths to centre yourself.
Begin by identifying the emotion you want to work with. For example, if you’re feeling profound sadness, imagine this emotion as a dark cloud or a heavyweight.
Visualise this emotion in as much detail as possible. Notice its size, shape, colour, and texture.
Imagine yourself interacting with this emotion in a way that feels comforting. For example, you might visualise yourself holding the weight and gradually making it lighter, or you might see the dark cloud slowly dispersing into the sky.
Continue this visualisation until you feel a sense of release or resolution.
When you’re ready, open your eyes and take a few moments to reflect on the experience.
Why it works
Visualisation helps you externalise your grief, making it feel more manageable. You can engage with them safely and empoweringly by creating a mental image of your emotions. This practice also allows you to tap into your creativity and intuition, which can be incredibly healing during times of loss.
This practice may take work initially, so allow yourself the time and patience to develop this skill. Start by finding a quiet, comfortable space where you won't be disturbed.
5. Seeking professional support
Grief can be overwhelming, and sometimes, it’s too much to process on your own. Seeking professional support from a coach, therapist, or counsellor can provide the guidance and tools you need to navigate your grief safely and effectively. A professional can offer a nonjudgmental space where you can explore your emotions and work through the complexities of your loss.
How to practice
Research and find a licensed coach, therapist or counsellor specialising in grief and loss.
Schedule an initial consultation to discuss your needs and goals.
During sessions, be open and honest about your emotions and experiences. A skilled coach or therapist will provide a safe space to explore your feelings.
Work with your coach or therapist to develop personalised strategies for dealing with and processing your grief. These strategies may include cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), mindfulness practices, or narrative therapy.
Regularly attend sessions and practice the techniques discussed with your coach or therapist daily.
Why it works
Seeking professional support provides you with expert guidance and a safe space to explore your grief. A coach, therapist or counsellor can help you uncover the root causes of your emotions and develop effective strategies for processing them. This support can be precious if you’re dealing with traumatic loss or prolonged grief.
Conclusion
Grieving is a deeply personal and often painful journey that requires immense courage and vulnerability. Sitting with your feelings allows you to fully experience the emotions accompanying loss, creating a path to healing and acceptance. The techniques outlined in this article—mindful observation, body scan meditation, journaling, visualisation, and seeking professional support—offer practical ways to navigate your grief with compassion and resilience. These are the tools that I used throughout my grief journey.
Remember, grief is not something to be fixed or rushed. It is a process that unfolds in its own time and in its way. By embracing your emotions and allowing yourself to grieve, you honour the significance of your loss and create space for healing. Whether you are mourning the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or any other significant loss, know that sitting with your feelings is a powerful step towards finding peace and learning to live with your loss.
In the words of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.”
Start your journey today
With all its pain and sorrow, grief is a testament to our shared love and connection. By allowing yourself to grieve, you honour that connection and begin the journey toward healing. So, take a deep breath, find a quiet space, and allow yourself to sit with your feelings, knowing that in doing so, you are taking a courageous and necessary step towards healing and wholeness.
Book a coaching call today if you’re ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing.
Don't let grief hold you back; don’t focus on what you have lost; focus on what you have left.
Isn’t the happiness we want often in the things that we resist?
Reach out to me to let me know you've read my article. I'd love to hear from you.
Tracey A. Chapman, Resilience and Transformation Coach
Tracey Chapman is one of the few Resilience and Transformation coaches who has walked the painful grief journey. She specialises in assisting executive men and women in navigating their grief journey. Her expertise is helping them regain their strength, discover their resilience, and reclaim their lives with a renewed sense of purpose and inspiration. Her goal is to empower them to move forward confidently, no matter their story of grief.
Grief is not just one thing. As someone who has personally walked the grief journey and emerged STRONGER on the other side, I possess a unique blend of experience and credentials that make me YOUR ideal companion on this HEALING path.
In my coaching program, "BRAVE Rebound," I specialise in supporting clients who are navigating through profound loss and grief, whether it be the passing of a loved one or other forms of grief. I help individuals who feel overwhelmed and consumed by their emotions, struggling to find their way from darkness to light. Together, we work towards healing and rediscovering hope amidst the pain.
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