Written by: Frida Aguinaldo Soerensen, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
You might know the feeling all too well heart pounding, a pain in the chest or stomach, difficulty breathing, a sudden inability to focus, and perhaps worst of all, an acute feeling of fear. This is the feeling of stress rushing through the body.
Stress is useful in many situations, but we can all agree that too much is bad for you.
What if I told you that by changing the way you think about stress, you can learn to navigate those hectic feelings and actually make stress work for you?
In fact, make stress your 1 friend and ally!
Stress as the Enemy
In 2011, I was fresh out of university and started a career in counseling and social work as a caseworker for young men detained in youth prisons.
I quickly realized how unprepared I was for the role, carrying the responsibility of supporting such a vulnerable group of people as well as dealing with an ever-increasing workload.
Despite an incredibly supportive team, my anxiety shot through the roof, as I contemplated my failures daily and how my weaknesses would surely let these young people down. For many years, I dreaded going to work every day.
I blamed stress for making me weak and for ruining my health. If only I wasn't such a stress-head, I would be a better person and of more use to my clients. The daily dread eventually evolved into a more chronic type of stress and started causing physical issues. It would take me over twelve months and thousands of dollars in medical bills and therapy sessions to overcome this and start making self-care and mental health a priority.
I work with many clients, who have gotten to the point of chronic stress and near burn-out and who view stress as a vicious and damaging cycle. Who can blame them when all the science points to stress becoming an epidemic in today’s world?
As difficult as my experience was for me, it catalyzed a wholehearted passion for finding more sustainable ways to live and work and to build mental health resilience for myself and others.
My journey took me to find practices in yoga, meditation, mindfulness, and modern psychology, which have helped me develop greater inner resilience and confidence in navigating life’s many challenges.
My Epiphany
Covid-19 however came with a whole new level of stress and emotional disturbances and I found myself questioning my inner resilience yet again.
“Why after all these years of diligently working on myself and helping others, was I still unable to escape my own stress and anxiety?”
One morning, I had an epiphany on the yoga mat.
Like a ping-pong ball that you hold underwater, I noticed that my feelings of stress would resurface the very moment a relaxing yoga or meditation session ended. How could this be, after all the effort I was doing to keep stress at bay?
It finally hit me that all these years I have been making stress the bad guy, something to be avoided at all cost. The story I was telling myself was that I am weak and worthless if I allow stress to get to me.
My relationship with stress was all wrong, despite all my best intentions.
I had made stress the enemy and because stress is an inherent part of me, an inherent part of life, I had made an enemy of myself. I was fighting a battle I could not win a battle against my own biology.
Changing our Relationship with Stress
My lesson learned from this epiphany is that we are missing a much more empowering narrative about stress, one that allows us to become whole and stop this needless battle against ourselves and our biology, one that allows us to finally work with ourselves instead of against.
In 2013, author and health psychologist Kelly McGonigal gave a thought-provoking Tedtalk about making stress your friend. She defines stress as:
"Stress is what happens in your brain and your body when something you care about is at stake."
Surely this cannot be the actions of an enemy?
In other words, our stress response is our body and mind’s way of rising to meet the challenges in our life.
Again, not usually the motivation of a villain.
Just think when you get really excited about an idea and immediately want to take action. This surge of the stress hormones, adrenaline, and cortisol, gives you the energy and stamina to take action.
Similarly, when a challenge needs to be handled at work or a deadline is fast approaching, your stress response sets off and helps you get across the line. Are your boundaries being crossed and you find that you’re not being valued for your work? That feeling you get in your body is your stress response gearing up to prepare you to stand up for yourself and your values.
I could go on with countless more stories describing the heroic pursuits of our built-in ally and friend, our stress response.
So how do we start befriending our stress response so we can start working together?
How to Make Stress Your 1 Ally
”Stress is not what happens to us. It’s our response to what happens. And the response is something we can choose.” -Maureen Killoran
As Killoran says we choose how we respond, so we also can choose the relationship we have to stress. However, this can be easier said than done. Here are some steps to help you on your way to befriend your stress and make it work for you.
Learn to see your stress as your ally and your own personal sidekick. Another image I love to share with people is to see your stress response as your own personal sidekick in the movie of your life. Without proper rest and attention and with a good dose of long-term excessive worrying, any sidekick can become misguided, emotional, and out of hand. Know that their intentions are always pure and only in your best interest. So, ask yourself: when my ally and sidekick is going overboard, what can I do to help?
Lower your own cortisol levels. The excess of the primary stress hormone cortisol is what keeps you stuck in stress mode, burning energy at high levels that leave you feeling exhausted and your nerves frayed. Long-term this can lead to a whole array of issues such as low immune system, fatigue, insomnia, and heightened blood pressure to name a few.
Here are 4 simple steps to follow when your sidekick is going overboard:
1. Recognize it. Learn to detect when your stress levels are elevated. Does your chest or belly tighten? Is it hard to breathe? Are you getting distracted from the task at hand? Is your mind going in circles about the same thought or worry? The first step is to simply stop and notice it.
2. Change the story. Remember that these are the signs that your ally in helping you rise to the challange! Take a deep breath, straighten your back, and put a smile on your face. Your body and mind are working as they should, slightly overdoing it perhaps, but they are working.
3. Investigate. Ask yourself: “Do my current levels of tension and stress match the task or activity at hand? If you are quietly sitting at your desk typing at your computer and your stress is through the roof, you are burning way too much energy for such a sedentary task and it will likely leave you distracted, anxious, and unable to complete your task effectively. This leads us to our fourth step.
4. Take a stress release break. Help your ally by lowering cortisol levels. Too much stress and tension in the body require a physical release. Some great practices to shake out excess stress are running, brisk walking, dancing, or jumping jacks but any other physical activity that you enjoy will do too. If stress levels are lower yet still prevent you from going about your day with ease, then more gentle practices such as calming breathing exercises, simple yoga poses, or a short walk in nature are very quick and effective to do before returning to your task.
With calming and refocusing strategies you can lower the stress and cortisol in your body to a more suitable level where you can go about your task with the right energy and focus.
To Conclude
So, take some time to look at your relationship with stress and ask if it is possible to turn your story around. To see that in fact this whole time, your stress, like a trusted sidekick, has simply been trying to communicate that something you care about is at stake. In fact, it’s begging you to show up for yourself, your health, your relationships, the work, and the causes you care about.
Appreciating this amazing ally within ourselves is the key to learning how to navigate stress consciously and sustainably.
When we are no longer spending our time fighting an inner battle we cannot win, we are able to show up for ourselves, our relationships, and our work in a much more powerful way.
Next time you feel the familiar surge of energy, tightening of your chest, or rapid heartbeat, ask yourself; what can I do to help my greatest ally rise to the challenge?
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Frida Aguinaldo Soerensen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Frida Soerensen is a Mindfulness Coach for female entrepreneurs, founders, and business owners. After suffering chronic stress, anxiety & near burn-out working in the Australian social work industry, Frida brought together practices in modern psychology, yoga, mindfulness, and meditation to develop a holistic approach to creating mental and emotional resilience.
She is passionate about supporting women entrepreneurs to transform their hectic lifestyle into one where they are empowered to grow their businesses whilst thriving in all other areas of life.
Frida now lives in the Philippines in her childhood home. She is the founder of the Transcend Beyond Stress & Thrive Program, an online mindfulness coaching program. She also runs a small wellness business where she supports her local community of women, businesses, and nonprofits.
Frida holds a Graduate Diploma in Counselling and Human Services through La Trobe University, Australia, and gained her meditation teacher certification through the Australian Centre for Meditation & Mindfulness. Frida also holds over 10 years of personal yoga and meditation practice.
