Written by Sandy Linda, Life Coach with Grief Expertise
Sandy Linda is an elegant and worldly leader in grief guidance and a life coach. After experiencing multiple losses, she began a journey using her experiences to find calm in the chaos to support those mourning multiple losses.
In the high-stakes arena of leaders, coaches, and entrepreneurs, grief can become an invisible performance killer.
As a podcast host who’s faced personal loss, I can tell you that the loss of productivity, difficulty in decision-making, and impact on creative output were undeniable and devastating. But the self-doubt was crippling.
For me, losing three of my family in crushing succession sent my career into free-fall. The corporate job that once brought me income and joy was gone. I couldn't endure it while I was lost in my grief.
Frozen by fear and loss
When I started to think about re-entering the workforce, my mind became a battlefield of "what-ifs". The transition from a stable corporate career to self-employment was fraught with uncertainty.
Each new venture - pet sitting, grocery delivery, personal assisting – felt like a step into the unknown. Even as I discovered my passion for helping fellow grievers navigate financial and estate planning, a new wave of anxieties emerged. I asked myself constantly: "Will this be sustainable? Can I really make a difference? What if I fail those who are relying on my experience?"
I knew I could excel again as an entrepreneur and guide; but I was stuck in survival mode. I needed to find paths to transform the paralyzing effects of grief into catalysts for growth, innovation, and enhanced leadership.
Why this isn’t a typical grief management article
Even when I felt lost in my grief, I always believed that we’re not here to simply cope, we’re here to thrive. As leaders, creators, and entrepreneurs, we’re accustomed to turning challenges into opportunities. Why should grief be any different?
What I had to tackle head-on were twin demons of overthinking – dwelling on the past but also anxiously anticipating the future:
1. The rearview mirror: Ruminating on the past
High-performers are often thrown into unfamiliar emotional territory when faced with the complex nature of grief. After a loss, our minds can work against us, making it harder to stay focused. Dwelling on the past is a huge distraction.
You constantly replay conversations with your lost loved one, looking for hidden messages or missed chances. This retrospective rumination isn’t just a momentary distraction – it’s a powerful current pulling you away from the present.
High achievers who are used to being clear and decisive may find this mental fog especially confusing. Tasks that once seemed effortless now loom large, decision-making becomes a laborious effort, and articulating thoughts feels like grasping at smoke. The impact on performance is undeniable:
Diminished focus: Your attention, usually laser-sharp, now fractures under the weight of persistent memories.
Productivity plummets: Projects stall as you struggle to maintain momentum amid intrusive thoughts.
This backward-looking overthinking doesn’t just affect your professional life. It seeps into every aspect of your being, colouring interactions with team members, clouding strategic vision, and eroding the confidence that once defined your leadership style.
2. The uncertain horizon: Worry about the future
Worrying about the future can hinder effective leadership and entrepreneurship.
For forward-thinking senior managers and creators, the loss of a key mentor, partner, or loved one can trigger a cascade of concerns about the future. Suddenly, the road ahead seems filled with potential pitfalls.
Risk tolerance in business decisions may collapse as the fear of further loss looms large. Leaders and entrepreneurs might question their capabilities without the guidance they once relied on, leading to self-doubt and hesitation in critical moments.
For some, there’s also the pressing worry about maintaining the company’s vision or culture in the absence of a crucial team member. When businesses face uncertainties about the future, it can stop them from being innovative and taking bold action, causing missed opportunities and stagnation.
What overthinking feels like
I write from experience, but my experience is backed by scientific research. A University of Michigan study found that “overthinking contributes to severe depression and anxiety — especially in women — and interferes with good problem-solving.” It can make it difficult to sleep or concentrate on daily tasks. There are also physical symptoms like headaches or digestive issues that may emerge, further compromising performance.
Social withdrawal becomes a common coping mechanism, isolating leaders, entrepreneurs, and creators when connection and support are most crucial. Amy Morin details many of these symptoms in her book, 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don't Do. It’s a long list.
How to break the overthinking downward spiral
With so much at stake, I needed to find a solution. I used a technique that might seem counterintuitive at first: I scheduled worry time. This approach, backed by research, has been shown to help people feel less anxious and depressed compared to relying solely on traditional treatments such as consistent medications.
The technique of scheduled worry time involves:
Set aside a specific time each day (usually 15-30 minutes) to confront your worries and concerns.
Writing down your worries during this designated time.
Actively problem-solving or processing these concerns during this period.
Postponing worry thoughts that arise outside of this time until your next scheduled session
Here's how to implement scheduled worry time:
Choose a consistent time each day for your worry session.
Set a timer for your chosen duration (15-30 minutes).
Write down all your worries and concerns.
For each worry, ask yourself: "Is there anything I can do about this?"
If yes, make an action plan.
If no, practice acceptance techniques
When the timer goes off, end your worry session and engage in a pleasant or distracting activity.
Outside of your scheduled worry time, when anxious thoughts arise, acknowledge them briefly and then postpone them to your next worry session. This helps train your brain to contain worry to a specific time, rather than letting it spill over into every moment of your day.
Scheduled worry time can be particularly helpful for those grieving because it provides a structured way to process complex emotions and thoughts without allowing them to overwhelm daily life. It acknowledges the need to worry while also setting healthy boundaries around that worry.
For me, this technique allowed me to manage my overthinking and push beyond grief paralysis. I have achieved – and I am thriving – despite and because of my grief.
Sandy Linda, Life Coach with Grief Expertise
Sandy Linda is an elegant and worldly leader in grief guidance and a life coach. After experiencing multiple losses, she began a journey using her experiences to find calm in the chaos to support those mourning multiple losses. Sandy helps her clients move from heartbreaking losses to a place where they can work towards healing and become fearless adventure leaders.
