Written by: Shehnaaz Elahi, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
How to let go emotionally?
Since a lot of people struggle in their lives with loved ones' entanglements and unanswered love feelings, it might be an interesting way to look at this subject from different angles. In my life I tried many many ways to deal with enthrallment and infatuation of feeling in love. I cannot say I succeeded at most of them, but I can tell you about what I learned so far:
Lesson 1: Stay At your Core
With your own beliefs, your own personality, your own aims, your own character. Nobody is supposed to change you without your permission and especially not if there is no good moral intention or reason involved why you should change or even bend towards the other person. “Don’t ever lose yourself or project yourself within the connection of the other, because what makes you unique is the first attraction it stands for”. And that will not change, you just have to refind and reinvent it again, once you get out of your own turmoil.
Lesson 2: Multiple chances exist
So when you think you only have 1 freaking chance to meet that person in your whole lifetime, it puts a lot of pressure on yourself, the situation and the other person, usually leading to nervousness, bitchiness and failure in the end. Take your time, take it easy, wait a lot and make slow moves. It's actually more like an animal kingdom still. You know why? If you, with all your enthusiasm run up to a guy or girl, it can feel soo threatening, yet fleathering, but at the same time the juice and spice is over before you KNOW it! And then you separate and have just 1 wonderful conversation.
Lesson 3: Keep your arches on the right and one target
This IS important, don’t flee too much or mingle too much and lose focus on your target, because you might miss the opportunity to socialize in silence with this person (you know: lock eyes, gaze, stare, smile, wait). These are all important factors to build up momentum. I noticed if you just run off to another guy, the whole guy you might be interested in just totally forgets about you out of insecurity, jealousy and the feeling that it might not “be”. So even if you play with multiple people at once in an event, you do need to keep in check your target feels your feelings too (“BECAUSE IT IS ALWAYS HEARTBREAK WHEN YOUR CRUSH TALKS TO SOMEONE ELSE BUT YOU”).
Lesson 4: First love, romantic build up and porn
Well these three things are totally separate from each other, but however one can follow each other rapidly, not judging if it will lead to a solid relationship though. But at least you will get to find out as soon as possible if you will click in the bedroom. Some women also back off once the connection gets too intimate too fast, as they don’t want to be seen as a whore, skank, ho, one timer, slut, rebound. The honest truth is that any woman or guy can be a rebounder from a previous relationship actually and sometimes you mix your old feelings from your previous girlfriend or boyfriend into the next one, which by itself is NOT BAD. You can take what you liked and project it onto your future partner in crime. The only problem with the buildup sexually is, that you don’t have to go all the way immediately, even if it is suggestive, so there still stays something to discover the next time you two come together. Think how slow it went when you were a teenager, one touch was already euphoria, one kiss sends you to heaven already, so that kind of sensitivity might be still there even when you grow older. Nice locations, nice foods, nice moods, it doesn’t have to be rushed. Especially if you somewhere do care about each other. NOT to say that the opposite is fireworks too, like a one night stand, but that has also a different energy to it.
Lesson 5: Take care of finances, independence, house, car, materialism
IMPORTANT. Relationships can be made or break without financial sustainability from both parts nowadays or when people live so far apart it is practically impossible to visit each other IN REALITY. Theory is nice to have a long distance relationship, but at night when the lights are low you are starting to fantasize and wish he or she, his body or her body was next to you.
Lesson 6: Understand his or her family values and friends values
Some people are einzelganger, they live their lives according to their own drum. These people are everywhere at ease, with or without family or friends. They are usually easy to get along with and quite flexible and unique. Then there are a bunch of people that cling onto their own society back up, their family, their aunts, nieces, nephews and their friends, their high school friends, the so called Popular kids. They have a whole network you have to be able to deal with, and not everyone might just like it, because from all sides you get judgments and jealousy! KEEP IN MIND, this is serious, sometimes secret affairs are WAYYYY more safe, sane and fruitful.
Lesson 7: Weddings nowadays
In coherence with the previous lesson, a wedding can be as small as just 2 people or as big as over 2000 people. DOn’t let the numbers misguide the value of the wedding though. An intimate wedding can mean way more than a big wedding where both of you feel unawkward and like a charade and maybe even like fooling yourself. Most of the people are anyway there for drinks and free food, it doesn’t always directly have anything to do with the deep and romantic understanding the two of you share. So keep in mind, when you invite guests, that they shouldn’t be jealous of your found bliss together, but actually support it to grow in positivity. This is difficult, because you never really know someone's hidden intentions. Some, especially women, JUST cannot stand another woman having a great guy and a great wedding. I don’t really know how easy this is on the guys, but “girls can have heartbreaks at weddings when they see a CUTE guy marry another girl”. SOOOOOOOO to save some tears, secrecy and hidden calendars are NOT wrong. The other truth however is also that some other woman should also be maturing up and be able to give the girl a break and let her marry the cute guy, even IF she doesn’t have any special or intimate connection with the guy and sich. There is just always the hidden jealousy among marriages and marriage partners. Also make sure “NOT to spend too much on the wedding itself, as it is only a few days, and you might better save the money for something really useful in the future.” And obviously by now the reality is that multiple marriages are possible and a blessing out of the heavens really (just to get rid of cold water feet when you move into one life with one person, it is all some form of solid temporary companionship).
Lesson 8: Honeymoon
Well when both are virgin, nothing wrong, unless both are considerate. When the guy is experienced, the girl should be extra careful too and know her own boundaries. When they claim to be experienced, this is not always the case either. “The girl that is experienced has the best honeymoon experiences”, because she knows her own body and attractions and turn offs and boundaries. She can play better into the guy's energy, while the inexperienced girl is literally at mercy. This is interesting for a guy, but can damage the relationship early on, without the girl knowing it, it shapes her for life not knowing if THAT was sex or if THAT was rape.
Lesson 9: Your first House
It’s best if you can afford to go for a house. But if that is not within your range OR lifestyle, because you both like to travel, it is way better to go for a cheap(er) rental. Especially when planning multiple travels together, it is not needed to immediately buy a house. You might even realize all together that you might leave the country and start a family totally somewhere else, while travelling.
Anyway, more information to think about when you make “these so crucial decisions in your love life that are either bringing you to the top of your life, or to the deepest meadows of your soul”. No matter, in any circumstances there is always something positive to learn, see, feel or experience! Stay positive!
Shehnaaz Elahi ‒ iluminavida.ca
Shehnaaz Elahi, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Shehnaaz Elahi is a leading professional in Holistic Counselling. After her Master Studies in Psychology, she delved deeper into Alternative Medicine, Spirituality and Wellness to understand the deeper connection between Body, Mind, Emotions and Spirit. Her perspective on mental health care can be seen as revolutionary different than the mainstream popular western psychiatry. During her life, she developed her own vision and treatment plans to help people with different mental health disorders to recover and/or reduce psychiatric medication. The mind is capable of healing itself with the right holistic and natural treatments. She is an author of several autobiographical informational books and wrote many informational blog articles. Her mission is to help people alleviate their mental and emotional burdens with holistic and natural treatments.
