“It can often feel like you want two different things: to make money as a woman and have a masculine man that knows how to lead and still provides and protects you. Society teaches us that you cannot have both.” - Monica Yates
One of the number one things that couples fight over is money.
Navigating finances, figuring out who pays for what, and the whole ‘wealth gap’ can feel like a real burden in your relationship. Money, in my opinion, isn’t something worth being the number one source of turmoil in a relationship. Why? Because money is neutral in energy. However, most of us feel a less-than-ideal way about money which we project into our relationships. Over time the fights and resentment will only hinder your long-term wealth growth and, worst of all could cost you your relationship.
The number of women-initiated-divorces is on the rise. As is the number of women out-earning their male counterparts. Female breadwinners are becoming the new norm. Many people can end up feeling shame, resentment, and anger around money because of the problems it brings into their relationships. And really, the issue isn't about money … it's about communication and getting our needs met.
Most people are not great at communicating about money because it's a sensitive subject with each person's value, ego, hard work, and time behind it. It's easy to talk about what you're having for dinner, but it's HARD to talk about finances.
Then on top of that, the stress of wanting him to lead you so that you can be in your feminine can feel defeating when you feel like it’s not happening in the way that you expect it to. At the end of the day, whether there’s a wealth gap or not, women still want to feel protected and provided for, and unfortunately, we still tie that to a dollar amount.
Here are three ways to massively improve the dynamics of your relationship if money is driving a wedge between you and your partner:
1. Heal your relationship with money.
If you are avoidant or resentful towards money, it will make talking about it that much harder. Most people grow up with limiting money beliefs. Identify which are yours, and work through them so that you and your partner can have open conversations about money without your stories hindering the conversation.
2. Acknowledge that your feelings are your responsibility.
Oftentimes when couples come to me and ask to work with me ‘as a couple,’ I turn down the request because, in most cases, the conflict resides within each individual (not always, of course). When you as the individual (and your partner as an individual) can address the issue as your own and heal the root cause of the conflict around the topic of money, you’ll be a much more effective communicator in the relationship.
3. Communicate your needs without emasculating your partner.
When our needs aren’t being met, it’s the easy route to get frustrated and take it out on our partner. Show your partner how it makes you feel when they hold a door open for you, when they handle planning the dates, etc. Men are hardwired to want to protect women, and if he sees it’s also a turn-on for you when he provides you with a feeling of safety and ease - honey, the job is done.
Navigating this subject does not have to be stressful. It can feel sexy and intimate when you tackle a big hurtle like this together. If you would like more resources on this subject, check out my podcast and my masterclass, The Feminine Female Breadwinner. This masterclass is going to take you from feeling stressed about the impact money is having on the polarity of your relationship to feeling completely in alignment with your partner and how money impacts your relationship.
About the author: Monica Yates is a somatic trauma healer, feminine & masculine embodiment coach, period whisperer and podcast host. After struggling with her own health issues, multiple traumatic surgeries and a terrible relationship with men, she finally had to face the issues that she was blissfully unaware of. Her modalities that now help thousands of women and men around the world be free of their big and small trauma. She works with people from all walks of life that are determined to no longer be held back by beliefs, bad habits, health issues, inner child wounds, anxiety, fears etc. She is the CEO of Monica Yates Health and the host of the podcast, Feminine as F*ck.
