Amparo Penny is a licensed clinician and health and mindset coach, who helps people stop obsessing about food and their bodies and get their sanity back. She helps people end black or white thinking around food and exercise and change their mindset to developing healthy habits FOR LIFE.
You know the cycle. One day, you’re ‘eating clean’ and following all the rules. The next, you’re diving into a pint of ice cream after a stressful day, feeling like you’ve completely fallen off track. Then comes the guilt. The ‘I’ll start over Monday’ mindset. The endless battle between eating for fuel and eating for fun while maintaining your health habits.
But what if you didn’t have to choose? What if there was a way to find balance, where food can be nourishing and enjoyable, planned and flexible? For so long, we’ve been told that eating well means choosing between two extremes: either you eat whatever you want with no structure, or you meticulously plan every bite, making sure it’s ‘clean’ and ‘healthy.’ One day, you’re focusing on mindful eating, listening to your body, and honoring your hunger cues. The next, you’re counting macros, trying to follow a balanced diet, and wondering if mindful eating means you’ve ‘given up’ on structure.
The truth is, you don’t have to choose.
You can eat mindfully and make intentional nutrition choices. You can honor your cravings and prioritize nourishment. You can have structure and flexibility in the way you eat.
This is the Both/And Mindset, the middle ground between rigid rules and the complete abandonment of your habits. It’s about trusting your body’s signals while still making thoughtful choices that support your well-being. It’s knowing that, at some meals, your body craves fresh, nutrient-dense foods, and at others, it just wants a few slices of pizza. And both are valid. So, how do you actually live in this space between extremes? Let’s talk about what that looks like in real life.
The “starting over” cycle: Why you keep feeling stuck
One of the biggest struggles people have with food is the feeling of starting over. Maybe you’ve thought, “I was doing so well, but then I had a bad weekend, and now I have to start over tomorrow.” Or perhaps you’ve said, “I fell off track, so I might as well just enjoy myself and start fresh on Monday.” Many people get stuck in the “on track” vs. “off track” mindset when it comes to food. Maybe you’ve told yourself, “I eat really well during the week, but on weekends, I let myself indulge.” This kind of thinking creates an ineffective binge-restrict cycle, where you’re either being “good” or “bad” with food.
This cycle is incredibly common, and it’s one of the biggest reasons people feel stuck in their relationship with food. It usually starts with the best intentions. You decide this time will be different, or this will be “the last time” you create this plan. You map out a flawless meal plan, commit to a disciplined workout schedule, and promise yourself that you’ll finally stay on track. At first, it feels exciting. There’s motivation, structure, and a sense of control. You’re eating “clean,” following the plan, and doing everything “right.” But then, life happens.
Maybe you go out to dinner with friends and eat something that wasn’t “part of the plan.” Maybe you have a stressful day and skip your workout to veg out on the couch instead. Or perhaps you just crave something different than what you prepped.
At first, it feels like a small misstep, but instead of adjusting and moving on, guilt creeps in. You start thinking, “I already messed up, so what’s the point?” or “I’ll just enjoy myself now and be better tomorrow.” And this is where the cycle begins.
That initial guilt quickly leads to feeling like you’ve “gone overboard.” The mindset shifts from “I’ll have one cookie” to “Well, I already had one, might as well have five.” You think, “I already ate off plan, so I’ll just eat whatever I want for the rest of the day (or week) and start over tomorrow (or Monday).” Or, “I already skipped my workout, so I’ll just take the rest of the week off and restart on Monday.”
It’s called the “Last Supper” mentality: the idea that, since you’re starting over tomorrow, you might as well enjoy all the foods you’re about to “give up.” So, you eat past fullness and don’t feel good afterward, physically and/or emotionally. And then? The guilt and ideas of perfection creep back in. You resolve to “fix” it and “get back on track.” You throw out the “forbidden” foods, start a new strict plan, and promise yourself this time will be different. And for a few days, it is. Until the next slip happens, and the whole cycle starts over again.
Breaking free: The truth no one tells you about “getting back on track”
Here’s the thing: there is no track. There is no wagon to fall on or off of. There is no need to “start over.” You don’t need a clean slate because you were never off track to begin with. A single meal, a single day, or even a single week doesn’t erase your progress. You don’t need to make up for anything. You don’t need to punish yourself. Instead, you can shift your mindset to view this as a journey, not a sprint.
Imagine training for a marathon. You don’t quit the race just because you slow down or take a break. You don’t start back at mile one just because you stopped at a water station. You adjust, pace yourself, and keep going. Your relationship with food and movement works the same way. This isn’t a short-term diet with a finish line, it’s the rest of your life. And just like any long-term journey, it’s normal to have ups and downs. Some days, you’ll have more energy to move your body; other days, you’ll need rest. Some weeks, you’ll crave fresh, home-cooked meals; other times, takeout will be the best option for your schedule.
None of these choices mean you’ve failed. They’re a natural and expected part of the process.
The problem with the “I have to start over” mindset is that it treats health like a pass/fail test. Either you’re doing it perfectly, or you’re failing. But real health doesn’t work like that. You don’t get graded on your meals. You don’t have to "make up" or overcompensate for what you ate yesterday. You are always moving forward, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Instead of seeing missteps as failures, try viewing them as information. What can you learn from that moment? Did skipping meals earlier in the day lead to overeating later? Were you overly restrictive last week, causing your appetite to spike? Did stress or emotions play a role? Every experience teaches you something, and that’s progress.
If you ate past fullness at dinner, instead of punishing yourself, ask: “Was I overly hungry before this meal? Did I eat too fast? Was I eating to cope with an intense emotion?” You can assess the situation, learn from it, then move forward. If you ate more sugar than usual, instead of saying, “I need to detox tomorrow,” ask: “Did I restrict sweets earlier in the week? Was I trying to ‘be good,’ and then my restrictions caught up with me?” Take note, then move on. If you skipped a workout, instead of thinking, “Now I’ve lost all my momentum,” try: “I needed rest today. Movement will still be there when I’m ready.”
There is no perfect way to eat, move, or take care of yourself. There is only what works for you, right now, in this season of life. When you stop chasing perfection and start embracing consistency over time, you’ll realize that you were never failing, you were always learning and adapting along the way.
This is the Both/And Mindset. You can have meals where you make balanced, nutrient-dense choices, and you can have meals where you order takeout and enjoy dessert. Both have a function in our lives. You can follow a workout plan and take breaks when your body needs them. Both are valid. Consistency isn’t about perfection; it’s about continuing to show up and recognizing the big and small ways. When you stop thinking of health as something you’re either “on” or “off,” you free yourself from the cycle of guilt and “starting over.”
Let go of rigid rules without losing structure
Many people assume that mindful eating means eating whatever you want, whenever you want. However, in reality, mindful eating is about paying attention to what your body needs, without guilt or restriction. It’s about tuning in, not checking out. That doesn’t mean you have to abandon structure completely. In fact, some level of basic planning can actually support mindful eating. Structure helps remove decision fatigue, so you’re not scrambling to figure out what to eat every day. The key is flexibility.
Think of it like a road trip. A strict diet is like using a GPS that only lets you take one exact route. If you take a wrong turn, it tells you to “make a U-turn immediately,” making you feel like you've messed up. A flexible approach is like using a map for guidance, you have a general plan, although you can take detours, stop when needed, and still reach your destination.
Instead of following a rigid meal plan that dictates exactly what and when to eat, try using meal frameworks that allow you to listen to your body in the moment. For example, rather than saying, “I have to eat grilled chicken and broccoli for dinner,” you can say, “I want a meal with protein, fiber, and something that satisfies me. What sounds good?” This approach gives you guidance without rigidity. It allows you to maintain balanced nutrition while also making room for desires, preferences, and life’s unpredictability.
Another important shift is letting go of food labels like ‘good’ and ‘bad.’ Many of us have been conditioned to believe that certain foods are “clean,” while others are “dirty,” or that some meals are “on track” while others are “cheat meals.” This kind of black-and-white thinking creates guilt and stress around eating, making food feel like a test you’re either passing or failing.
The truth is, food is neutral. A piece of cake is not a moral failure. A salad is not a badge of honor. What truly matters is context: how does this food fit into your day, your needs, and how you want to feel after you’ve finished your meal?
Imagine two different scenarios:
You wake up feeling energized and have a full day ahead. You want to feel focused and sustained, so you make a meal with protein, fiber, and healthy fats, maybe eggs with avocado toast or oatmeal with nuts and berries.
Another day, you wake up feeling tired, emotionally drained, or stressed. Maybe what feels best in that moment is comfort food, a warm bowl of creamy soup, a chewy bagel with cream cheese, or a savory meal that elicits a happy memory.
Neither of these choices is right or wrong. They simply reflect different needs in different moments.
Instead of asking, “Is this food good or bad?” try asking:
“How do I want to feel after I eat this?”
“What does my body need right now?”
“Will this meal satisfy both my hunger and my enjoyment?”
Some days, you might want a meal that fuels you with lasting energy. Other days, you might want a meal that brings comfort or joy. Both are valid. When we let go of rigid food rules, we start making food choices from a place of grace and compassion, not self-judgment.
Balance nourishment with satisfaction
What if, instead of swinging between extremes, you found a way to build satisfaction into every day? The truth is, food is meant to be both nourishing and enjoyable. It’s okay to prioritize nutrient-dense foods while still making space for foods that are just there for pleasure, comfort, or celebration.
Think about it: food plays a role in so many meaningful moments in life. It’s part of holidays, birthdays, date nights, and cultural traditions. A slice of cake at a wedding, homemade lasagna at a family gathering, or a summer night ice cream run with friends, all of these experiences matter. Food is not only for fuel; it’s also for connection, nostalgia, and joy. Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t eat this,” try asking, “What do I need right now?”
Food serves many purposes in addition to fuel. It can be:
Fuel: Providing energy and nutrients for your body’s daily needs
Comfort: A warm, familiar meal that soothes you emotionally
Celebration: A birthday cake, a holiday meal, a toast with friends
Fun: Grabbing ice cream on a hot day, trying a new restaurant
None of these are “wrong.” They are all valid reasons to eat. For example:
If you’re eating for fuel, you might choose a meal that provides steady energy, like a mix of protein, fiber, and healthy fat. Maybe a grain bowl with salmon and avocado, or a smoothie with greens, protein, and fruit.
If you’re eating for comfort, you might go for a warm bowl of soup, a nostalgic childhood meal, or something that feels grounding. Maybe it’s a grilled cheese sandwich on a rainy day because it reminds you of being a kid. You may also realize that you need something other than food entirely, such as reaching out to a loved one, taking a nap, or going for a mindful walk.
If you’re eating for fun, you might have dessert with a friend, enjoy a glass of wine, or try a dish from a new culture simply because it’s exciting.
When you give yourself permission to enjoy food in all its forms, the guilt disappears. You stop seeing food as something to control and instead view it as a source of nourishment, pleasure, and connection. This is where the real balance happens, not in a perfect ratio of “clean” and “cheat” foods, but in learning to trust yourself and your body. When you stop categorizing food into strict rules and instead focus on how it makes you feel, you naturally start making choices that align with your body’s needs, without guilt, restriction, or overthinking.
Final thoughts
Letting go of food rules doesn’t mean chaos; it means freedom. It means trusting yourself, honoring what your body needs, and making choices that feel good for you in the moment. This can look different depending on the day or your body’s needs, so it’s helpful to learn flexibility in your choices. That’s why I use the quote “Practice Makes Prepared” with my clients. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s preparation. The more we practice flexibility in our food choices, the more confident and adaptable we become when life throws us curveballs. It’s not about getting it ‘right’ every time; it’s about building trust in ourselves so that no matter the situation, we can make choices that align with our needs.
Food isn’t only for fuel. It’s culture. It’s connection. It’s comfort. It’s joy. There’s room for all of it in your life. The goal isn’t to eat perfectly; it’s to eat in a way that supports your body, your lifestyle, and your happiness.
It’s ALL important.
What’s next?
When you shift from black-and-white thinking to a Both/And Mindset, food loses its power over you. You don’t need to start over on Monday. You don’t need a fresh slate. You don’t need to chase “getting back on track.”
You were never off track to begin with. Instead, you were learning, growing, and adjusting. That’s what real progress looks like. If this mindset shift resonates with you but you’re struggling to put it into practice, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Relearning how to listen to your body and break free from all-or-nothing thinking is a journey, and like any journey, it’s easier with support. While practicing food flexibility and shifting your mindset is absolutely possible on your own, having guidance from a professional trained in this work can make all the difference.
So many of us have spent years, even decades, trapped in diet culture, feeling guilt around food, and believing that rigid control is the only way to be "healthy." But unlearning these patterns and developing true food freedom isn’t something you have to navigate alone.
Working with a professional, someone who understands the psychology of eating, behavior change, and sustainable health habits, gives you the tools, support, and reassurance to move forward with confidence. It’s not about someone telling you what to eat or handing you another set of rules; it’s about having a guide who helps you build trust in yourself.
As a licensed therapist and mindset coach with years of lived and professional experience, I help people just like you:
Ditch the all-or-nothing approach to food
Build sustainable habits without strict rules
Learn how to balance mindful eating with intentional nutrition choices
If you’re ready to stop feeling stuck in the cycle of guilt, restriction, and “starting over,” I’d love to support you on this journey. Whether you have questions, need guidance, or just want a space to explore these ideas more, I’m here to help.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Reach out, ask questions, and let’s take this journey together.
Follow me on LinkedIn for more info!
Amparo Penny, Health and Mindset Clini-Coach©️
Amparo Penny is a licensed clinician and health and mindset coach, who helps people stop obsessing about food and their bodies and get their sanity back. She helps people end black or white thinking around food and exercise and change their mindset to developing healthy habits FOR LIFE. This was what helped to end her 20+ year battle with her body, yo-yo dieting, and using exercise as punishment. And now it's her mission to help others end this battle and find food freedom!
