Written by Nicoleen Flamekeeper, Holistic Healing Coach
Nicoleen, The Flamekeeper is a leader in holistic healing. 10 years bed bound with chronic illness, on life support repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse were released, revealing how energy poisons mind, body and spirit. She is the Creator of the Phoenix Program 1:1 transformational coaching to heal trauma and rekindle your self-confidence.
In my 20s, I ran as far away from my unhappy and abusive childhood, the control of the religious cult I grew up in, and the narcissistic abuse of my mother as I could, but I couldn’t outrun the emotions that were trapped within me.
There was something buried deep within, but I was desperate to avoid knowing what it was. For 12 years, I ran mindlessly on the hamster wheel of my career as an art director in advertising, fuelled by adrenaline and alcohol.
To the world, I was an alcoholic, but they were naïve. I was an avoidaholic
I had so much pain trapped inside of me that I needed something to take the edge off. I needed alcohol and gin to battle the jinns, the demons that haunted me. It was imperative that I distract myself from the pain inside.
What chance did a slight wisp of a girl from a third-world country, alone in a city on the other side of the world, have? A champion Olympic swimmer would not stand a chance against the tsunami of emotions locked in my heart.
If I unlocked that door, the angry, vast, icy pain swirling inside me would drown me
So I worked 70 hr weeks in (getting paid for 35) and drinking away any time on the margins. Overgiving and people pleasing is one of the hallmarks of low self-worth that comes from abuse.
It worked for me, there was a dysfunctional payoff.
I got to constantly try to prove my worth, occasionally being rewarded with a small nod of recognition, a metal trinket, some award for something meaningless like a campaign to make you purchase more rice puffs. All the while ensuring I had no time to think or feel, and bonus, managing to know without a shadow of a doubt how far from being worthy I was!
In short, I got to play out my childhood wounds in an endless spin cycle
When you go through trauma at a young age, such as domestic violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse, these are big emotions!
A child cannot process them, and so you lock them inside and repress them. If there is nobody there to support you, if your caregivers are incapable of giving you care, you get neglected, and then, of course, you learn to neglect yourself.
What follows is a lifetime of high anxiety, depression, co-dependency, and no self-confidence. It doesn’t need to stay this way. Your wounds are not your fault, you deserve to live a fulfilling and beautiful life. I see you and I want you to know that you can heal, just as I have.
If you want help with the steps to heal from alcohol addiction, trauma, and letting go of the trapped painful emotions so you don’t need to rely on avoidance or exhaustion to stay afloat anymore, there is treatment available.
You can heal alcohol addiction. Please allow me to be a lifeline on these stormy seas. I offer a free breakthrough call here.
The image above is ‘The etiquette of drowning’ by Nicoleen Flamekeeper.
See more of my original paintings and ltd edition art prints available for purchase here.
Nicoleen Flamekeeper, Holistic Healing Coach
Nicoleen Flamekeeper is the Flamekeeper, a holistic healing coach transforming mind, body and spirit. 10 years bed-bound with chronic illness, on life support, repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse were released, revealing how energy poisons mind, body, and spirit. She is skilled at healing sexual abuse, domestic violence and narcissistic abuse, that results in low self-worth, alcoholism, addiction, depression, anxiety and chronic illness. She is the Creator of the Phoenix program: 1:1 transformational coaching. Her mission: help you heal from trauma and rekindle your self-confidence so that you can create the joyful life you deserve.
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