Written by: Jessie Wallaker, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
For anyone feeling alone, pressured and like they're spiraling. I noticed a lot of people online are struggling with the right thing to do. In your mind is where things spiral, where the what-ifs, the fears and the inadequacies flourish. So in order to stop this cycle, you need to get away from them.
No Pressure Or Expectations
You are going to see many ways to go about this the right way. But if none of them feel good and doable for you, then don’t feel the pressure to go about things that way. There’s always more than one way to do things. To do life, to do health, to do relationships, to do love and to share what you feel.
Of course some hard conversations are going to happen, of course things might get a little uncomfortable, but you still need to be in a good place to have those conversations.
And in this article, that’s my hope to convey to you.
Get Offline
First thing’s first, get offline. You are in information overload. And if every time you log on, you are flooded with guilt, weight, frustration and feeling worse than when you went on - GET OFF. And this goes for any time that things are happening in the world.
You aren’t ill-informed.
You aren’t turning a blind eye.
You are just taking care of your own soul, your own energy, so that when the time comes to show your support and voice your mind, you are doing so from a solid and secure place. Not one that is wavering and trying to prove you aren’t like “them”. Change happens from a solid and healthy heart. And you can’t do that if all that’s happening is you being bogged down with negativity and seeing how you are in the wrong.
My guess is you already have some struggles with your own self-worth. I was the same way. And any time someone played down my own struggles and hardships, I would make my life worse to “prove” that I knew what pain was. We want to avoid that.
Move
My coach Genevieve Rackham and Dani Driusso both put into words what I always did but never realized. “You need to get out of your head and into your body”. In your mind is where things spiral, where the what ifs, the fears and the inadequacies flourish. So in order to stop this cycle, you need to get away from them.
This can be with exercise that isn’t pressured, forced or used to punish yourself. Yes, this can be a negative thing used to “prove” you feel pain too. So I always encourage movement in different ways than you may exercise regularity, if forced punishment can be attached to your fitness.
This can look like getting out in nature, walks have really helped me to work through my fears and inadequacies. Music is always important to me as well when doing this, but make sure you stay offline and put your phone on “do not disturb”.
You need to be alone for this.
Another way to get out of your head is by journaling and writing down what’s spiraling in your head. Because once it can’t move, once it’s set on paper, it no longer has as much power and say over you. You’re able to just look at it, really digest and work through what the problem is, and then come to terms with it is that is sending you into a spiral.
But moving your body and/or writing down what’s going on will help immensely.
Eat
The next step is to eat. And this may seem odd, but I’m looking at you overly healthy and precise people. I know you use food as punishment, too, and have a negative attachment to it. You can use it to punish yourself, to make you feel pain, whether that’s over eating or skipping meals completely.
Hunger pains and feelings of a gorged stomach will not help you.
So just eat. Eat normally, eat what sounds good, and stop once you’ve had your fill. This also reconnects you to your body and how it’s feeling. It forces you to listen to what it really needs, craves and wants as far as nutrition goes. A lot of times, our bodies use hunger and cravings to cry out for something else it needs. But it knows that we are so hyper-focused on food, that it will get your attention that way.
So by eating a good meal and fueling yourself up in a positive way, this will help bring to light what’s really going on under the surface.
Center Yourself
Now that you’ve logged off, moved your body, written down what you’re thinking and feeling, and has had something to eat to feel satiated, it’s time to dive a little deeper. If you’re feeling some sort of negative way, then there’s some self-worth issues that need to be addressed. Because you ARE a good person. You are just letting other people’s views and opinions get in the way of who you truly are. Because if you truly are here to live the life you want, create the difference you feel called to in your own way, everyone else’s opinions are just white noise; something you can take or leave.
But you ultimately have the final say for what you want your life to look like.
Here is where you set solid standards for what you do and don’t stand for in life. What narrative and voice are you going to spread, and are you truly ready to share that. Because sharing how you really feel should not be that hard. It really isn’t. But you’re too afraid of the unknown, the what-ifs, the scenarios that may or may not play out.
You are smart. You are flexible. You are adaptive. And you do care about others feelings. You won’t always be perfect, but you are only human. You address it, understand yourself more, and move forward with more understanding. But knowing who you are at a core, allows you to feel a strength and peace you only dream of. But you have to let go of the weight you’ve been carrying around first.
Listen
Let’s be honest; that’s why everything is coming to a head right now. It is because people aren’t willing to listen and actually hear what people are saying and feeling. I noticed this today when I was writing this article and decided to share a quick perspective on this online.
But if you’re feeling pressured and pushed into listening to what people of color have to say about things, I want to remind you of something. You do like listening and hearing what people have to say. You love learning and hearing from the source, from a real teacher that has lived and experienced what it is you’re looking into. Not just someone that has read a lot about it.
That’s literally all that you’re doing. Right now, it’s just focused on people of color and their perspective and point of view. It’s nothing more complicated than that. And even with that, you choose and decide who you want to hear from, who you resonate with, what it is you really need to hear, and you find someone who is speaking that topic, that subject in a way you understand and feel good about.
That’s all this is. Focusing on those who need and want to speak, and listening. Because you DO love listening to people.
Grow
From here, you open your heart and mind to the change that needs to happen in order for you to move forward in the way you feel best about. Life is ALL about growing and learning.
I heard this from my dad, and who knows where he heard it from, but the moment you stop learning, you die. You are learning and growing as a soul every single day in big and small ways.
And there’s nothing wrong with that, where you started, or how far you still have yet to go. Because we’re all in the same boat, we all have changes to make, even those we look up to for guidance and motivation. No one is perfect. So it’s time to take yourself off of that pedestal that you already tear yourself down from every single day, and accept your perfectly imperfect soul.
Whatever higher power you believe in, remember that they brought you to this earth for a reason. Knowing the good and bad, struggles and triumphs that you would have, and still seeing good and worth in you. So if something bigger than all of us saw you as valuable in all your humanness, it’s time for you to see it too.
Take Action
And HERE is where you can take action. In the way you feel best about. Whether that’s out in the streets, around the kitchen table, with your dollars and/or your vote. Here, from this solid, healthy and knowing stance is where you take action. I don’t want you to stress and force this step just because people say that if you are silent you are adding to the hurt.
YOU ARE NOT!
"That’s all this is. Helping our fellow man."
You are helping it more. Because this isn’t something that stops once it’s no longer the number one problem in the world. This is a change that will take time. That needs support over time. And if taking a few days, weeks, months or even years to unpack this is what it takes, then do it.
Because yes. You have been hurt. You have been looked down. You do know what struggle and pain is like. But it’s also time to help those that are in the same boat, are feeling the same way, and are just crying out for help now. That’s all this is. Helping our fellow man. Proving that love and acceptance conquers all. And that we as a collective can do more than any one person can.
Remember, you are a good person. Your silence, voice, struggles and fears don’t change that.
But it’s time to address it so you stop making this pain about you, and start using it to fuel your support and help for others. You have bigger things to do in this world than your constant spiraling and lack of worth will allow. Do it messy. Do it in the growing pains. And do it for yourself and others.
Because we all want a world that is better than it is now.
And that starts with you.
Jessie Wallaker, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jessie Wallaker is an Athletic Mindset Coach helping groundbreaking leaders make big leaps toward their goals, by healing their emotional attachments to food and fitness, to start and continue to make massive change truly. Because feeling safe and confident in your knowledge and choices is what will propel you forward. Creating solid standards and a healthy foundation is what will keep you going. This is what I help my clients achieve. Because they have more important things to create than their limitations, and extreme views of health are allowing them to.
