Written by: Rossella Tocco, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We cannot realize that we are sleeping until we decide that we want to change those things in our lives that have been oppressing us for a long time. Then, and only then, can there be an awakening. What happens to us, the test we face makes sense if we then go through the phase of evolution. Understanding that facing a state we do not like is the only way to become free, allows us to leave the place that keeps us stuck.
The state of stasis is the matrix of all change. Putting attention outside of ourselves allows transformation, elevating us to a different level.
The responses that each of us can provide to an episode of stalemate are different and specific, but there is an element that distinguishes the manifestation of the blocked state.
When we feel stuck, we tend to keep our attention inside ourselves, rather than outside.
We focus on how we feel and the possible consequences of feeling bad, training that state repeatedly.
Of course, it is our way of coping with the situation, trying to find a solution to the problem, but we are only amplifying the symptoms that interfere with the processing of information.
So instead of finding a solution and overcoming the problem, we make it worse.
Furthermore, by swimming in that state we tend to recall similar past episodes, consequently helping to maintain the not-extremely-useful mood that we would like to abandon.
What can you do? Look outside ourselves.
I give the example of a coachee, Lucia, who claimed never to experience any blocked state. She has a beneficial personal strategy that in a very short time leads her from the blocked state to the transformative one, which is an example that can be modeled on how one can immediately take action, through simple useful questions, to quickly project one's attention onto the 'external, when of course it is necessary.
And she went back in time, to events that she considered “Unsolved.” She associated herself with the memory for a moment to recapture it: she immediately saw the "matrix" images. "These are images that I fixed in my mind the moment I received news of the loss of two very close family members. I still perfectly hear the words I heard when I heard the news, but when I recall them, I feel nothing."
She perfectly remembers the sensation of a force that crushed, nailed, frozen her from above and crystallized that moment.
What happened at that moment? Lucia immediately dissociated herself from the events, so much so that she neither sees nor hears nor feels anything about what happened.
In the moments preceding her dissociation, she held her breath, she entered a state of control, froze her thoughts, and created resistance, to preserve energy that she would have needed to immediately exit the negative state.
"It all happens in a very short time, a handful of minutes."
The whole time she remains in a stall she does not breathe, she freezes, she dissociates, and she only knows that she wants to get out of there.
In the next step, she begins practical activities that have nothing to do with what happened. She cleans the kitchen, stops talking, is expressionless, and asks herself specific questions:
who else knows?
who might need help right now?
who should I warn in the best conceivable way?
who is the best place to talk to in person?
who is it best to protect who does not know the news?
where should I go now?
who can I call to come here to keep my daughters while I go, where should I go?
She begins to repeat in her inner ears that "there is no solution except to move immediately".
Action, formulating a plan, mentally visualizing the list of urgent and non-urgent things.
"Anger is beneficial because the anger I feel becomes energy, action, solution of the whole corollary on the sidelines of what happened".
Every step forward is a step on the road to getting better, she must exploit the anger which becomes motivation to push herself further and she knows she can get there because it is in the natural order of things.
Lucia just needs to remember that the negative state must be kept out of one's visualization, she knows that transformation is vital, the only useful and safe platform for finding stability.
"To be able to get out of there I simply have to knead patience, self-understanding, motivation."
Lucia is aware that it is an obligatory path and that therefore she must know how to accept and exploit it.
She calls upon every resource to ensure she enters a useful state, even if it means changing her mind every two minutes, but she moves. "I have to stay outside of myself as long as I need because there is the key."
Rossella Tocco, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
After graduating in law, Rossella continued to deal with people and practiced as a civil lawyer for 13 years. She attended postgraduate specialization courses in Coaching at the International University Center of Arezzo, she became a Practitioner, Master and NLP Trainer, also working internationally as a Coach and Trainer. She is accredited by ICF as a Master Certified Coach.
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