Written by: Grace Alfafara, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It is always easy to give advice without knowing the consequences of its impact on the person receiving it and on yourself. Even if you think that you know that you do, in reality, you don’t. We must learn when to and when not to give advice depending on the situation, we are in. There’s a way how to give advice powerfully without advising at all.
“There are times when to give advice and when not to. Giving advice is easy. Not giving advice is more effectively life-changing when you learn how to empower others and how to lead themselves to change and co-create the tools of change rather than giving them the fish on how to fish.” – Grace Alfafara
This way it will also help you to step back and learn how to be a listener. That means, listening to understand, and not replying to play as the rescuer, or the need to be the hero of the situation for self-gain. Because if you impose your own agenda on their life story shared in mutual trust, likely you may not be even aware of playing that role, and you’re likely doing a disservice to those who need to learn the life lesson themselves.
However, you can still somehow give powerful advice without sounding like you are imposing your agenda on someone else’s life lessons. Below are ways to help you create a conversational combo with a nice flow of “open and ending questions”.
What are open-ending questions?
Open-ending questions normally start with asking “How” “What” “When” and “Why”, as this encourages a more detailed answer and stimulates a deep conversation flow.
The following powerful questions below will help you have a better flow of conversation when listening to someone who is going through a tough time. It will also help you learn not only to be a great listener but a person who chooses to understand their situation without judging, condemning, or overpowering their situation with your own life experiences as well. This way the person who is sharing their stories of vulnerability with you will feel heard and seen. Then, the essence of trust in your relationship is developing onto another level of understanding of growth.
These powerful questions are your bridge to help you also understand where the person is coming from and how they are truly feeling in dealing with the challenges they are going through. It also gives you the window of opportunity to welcome them how to shift their thinking from feeling a victim to a victor, hurt into healing, wounds into wisdom, loss into love, and mess into a magnificent message. It also puts you in a position as an observer to observe yourself in how you decipher with understanding as you listen to understand without imposing your own agenda and fear. But instill wisdom through asking powerful questions that lead to growth for the person that entrusts you with their stories in confidentiality.
So, for you to truly help and support someone in need when listening to the stories of their challenges in life, ask powerful questions instead.
Powerful questions
“What were your expectations when you decided to make that decision?”
“Where is this stemming from?”
“How is this working for you now than before?”
“What do you think was missing?”
“How do you see yourself that this is attainable for you?”
“When will you think that can be done that is doable for you?”
“What would you feel about it if you put yourself in their shoes?”
“How was that working for you that you got to experience the difference?”
“Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?”
“What would you rather do now than before?”
“What solution would you create compared to complaining about it?”
“Is this decision based on your motives? If so, what were your motives behind the decision you made?”
“Is this decision stemming from your hormones, loneliness, or fear based on the unknown?”
“What is the nature of your intention for your call today?”
“What outcome results do you expect to see?”
“How committed are you to follow your advice and suggestions?”
“Do you see yourself embodying the desires of your heart?”
“What are the inspired actions you are willing to commit?”
These are some of the many powerful questions that can make you and the person you are trying to help think outside the box of limitations. The limitations are just a system thinking mentality that limits someone to seeing themselves outside the challenges they are facing in life. Until they are willing to truly be true to themselves first, and clarity comes into their life.
And being true to yourself means, truthfulness requires the self to grow and change for the betterment. Growth always welcomes change. Change loves growth. The bridge between change and growth is the journey to process in learning to trust in yourself to make a shift by asking yourself powerful questions. When you start learning to make that part of your healthy habit of asking powerful questions that require you to create change in your life, then when you go from survival mode to thriving mode, the tools you have applied to yourself will become a survival guide for others to grow from victimhood to victory.
Want to learn how to cultivate your powerful essence of an in-depth understanding of how to cultivate emotional intelligence and resilience fitness when you ask powerful questions to someone? Connect your journey with me. And I will be revealing to you the powerful inner tools you need to unleash deep within you on how to add and cultivate the powerful essence with your powerful questions. This way you do not tempt yourself to give advice, but rather be the person of value in empowering yourself to lead others in how to lead and empower their own life, emotions, heart, and thoughts as well.
To know more about cultivating emotional intelligence with resilience fitness with me, book a 1-on-1 VIP session with me here.
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Grace Alfafara, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Grace Alfafara, is a mother to 4 teenagers, a Published Author, Grief Advocate, Certified Sophrologist, and a Certified Transformational Life Coach, in which she specializes in emotional and adaptability intelligence. She also develops an online empowerment Masterclass. She has lived in 5 countries and has worked as a Philanthropist for several years with her family. Her background education in Western culture on Psychology, Quantum Consciousness, and life growing up in a blend of Eastern and African cultures full of diverse life experiences have brought immense wisdom within the span of her life. A mother on a mission: empowering others to embody their true resilient essence wholeheartedly.
