Written by Lucy Maeve, Transformational Coach
Lucy Maeve, a former J.P. Morgan salesperson turned trauma-informed coach, empowers high achievers to transform their stories from perpetual questioning of 'Is this it?' to living authentically meaningful lives. Featured in The Telegraph, The Times, and the BBC, her work resonates with those hungry for deeper meaning."
How dreamy would life be if we could just get clear on the direction we want to go in? If we could get clear on that, it would be so easy to just take the steps to make that happen, right? This article is all about exactly that: how to find direction in life when there are way too many choices and we’re feeling stuck and confused about which way to go.
Spoiler alert. My approach to finding direction doesn’t involve working out your values or brainstorming career ideas. If you’re looking for that, save yourself the time and go elsewhere. Those of you who are interested in the real way to find direction, read on.
The ‘perfect’ path
Most of us who are desperately searching for direction in life have found ourselves at some form of crossroads. We missed the turning for the ‘normal’ path and have found ourselves floundering, mid-30s, trying to work out what the heck we want when we aren’t doing what everyone else is doing. Without a map of what we are ‘meant’ to be doing, we’re left trying to figure it out alone whilst our brain screams, ‘it’s too late’.
I’ve been there. But let me tell you something which is essential to understand before we go any further: the panic you’re experiencing isn’t actually about trying to work out what direction to go in. It’s about desperately wanting to fit into the societally ‘normal’ way of living and having ‘missed the turning’.
And here’s the magic of having missed that turning—you get to define what your perfect path is, rather than following the one you were handed by the powers that be.
How the hell do we do that?!
The first step to defining our own path is in accepting that we’re currently following a path that was not defined in any way by what we wanted, but by:
what we thought was expected of us (based on society, family dynamics, gender dynamics)
what, subconsciously, we think will give us the most influence and validation
what mirrors our experience of childhood (I can’t tell you how many of my clients work out that their bosses treat them exactly like their dads did...)
The way we lead our adult lives, and the choices we make, are 95% driven by subconscious currents that were defined before we turned 7. Yes, before we turned 7.
So chances are, you’re leading a life that has very little to do with what the adult you desire and everything to do with what your 7-year-old self thought would make her a ‘good’ human.
Hmm…
So how the heck do we work out which way to go then?
The key, coming from someone who cut the cords on a six-figure job in London, a beautiful flat, and incredible holidays, moved to Mexico City, and then to Cape Town, set up a business, and spends her days doing what she loves (despite nobody understanding why the heck she did it), is this:
Heal.
Yes.
The answers to your desire for direction won’t come from Googling job ads, brainstorming career ideas or asking your friends for the millionth time what they would do.
The answers will come when you slowly unwind the insidious cords of inauthenticity that keep you living a life based on everyone else's versions of success.
Those cords that keep telling you ‘you’re behind’ and that ‘you’re running out of time’.
You aren’t behind. Here’s why…
The notion that we could ever be behind in life is contingent on the idea that there is some ‘optimal’ way of living which we are all aspiring to, which is a pile of rubbish. There is no ‘optimal’ way of living.
There is only an ‘optimal’ way of living for you.
And often, our desire to live in this illusionary ‘optimal’ way is a sneaky way that we’ve been brainwashed to believe that there must be a path in life that is without any struggle—and that that ‘optimal’ one is it…
There is no path without pain. There is also no path without joy.
If we change our focus from choosing paths that we hope will be ‘pain-free’ (which is an illusion) towards living a life of meaning, growth and expansion (even with pain), our whole paradigm for direction finding shifts, and we are freed to listen to life's nudges and to what really lights us up, which is where true direction comes from.
3 ways to hear life’s nudges
Notice your energy after you’ve spent time with certain people or doing certain things. Do you feel expanded/energised or depleted? If you’re feeling depleted, chances are—you’re choosing to do that thing from a place of inauthenticity.
Commit to your inner child work—direction work IS inner child work. We have to start to connect and heal the inner child in order for them to let go of the reins of our lives so our true direction can appear.
Expand your echo chamber—if you’re surrounded by a crew of people who are stuck on the struggle bus with you, or worse, living the ‘optimal’ life, it is VERY difficult to expand into new ways of being. This doesn’t mean ditch all your people, but it does mean intentionally committing to being in spaces with people who think and see life differently.
You’re destined to live a big, meaningful, authentic, and true life. A life that lights you up, even if it's difficult at times.
You are destined to grow out of the child-like paradigm of believing that there is a path through life that is pain-free.
You are destined to follow the truth of who you are, and in doing so, inspire a generation to do the same.
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Read more from Lucy Maeve
Lucy Maeve, Transformational Coach
Lucy Maeve is a trailblazer in empowering high achievers to rewrite their narratives and embrace authentic living.
Drawing from her own journey away from a successful finance career, Lucy incorporates insights from trauma-informed practices and breathwork inspired by mentors such as Gabor Mate and Layla Martin. Her expertise, featured in The Telegraph, The Times, and the BBC, helps clients rediscover their true selves.
Based in Cape Town, Lucy's passions include (bad) dancing, ocean waves, and indulging in Lindt Orange Intense chocolate, all while striving to ensure no soul is left uninspired.
