Written by Jaemin Frazer, Author, Speaker & Coach
Jaemin Frazer is an award-winning life coach and author. He is the founder of The Insecurity Project and specializes in helping entrepreneurs, leaders, and business owners eradicate insecurity so they can show up to life unhindered by doubt, fear, and self-limiting beliefs.
I’m sure that most people understand that they are living with unresolved insecurities and that the wounds of their past still haunt and weaken them, yet the prospect of years of therapy to fix this problem often seems too hard, expensive or time consuming.
Adding to the general lack of confidence in the therapy path is that there is no guarantee that it will work – which all confirms the general suspicion that insecurity is not a solvable problem.
For this dilemma, therapists have much to answer for.
The main problem with popular therapy models is that the therapist is not required to have eradicated their own insecurity and embodied their healing method before offering the solution to the suffering client. This means there is no certainty that they even know the way and are not just hoping and guessing which can only further confuse the client and increase the misdirection that created the insecurity in the first place.
That’s right, sometimes therapy makes insecurity worse.
For those who’ve already had years of therapy and have devoted abundant time, money, and energy to healing the wounds of their past only to still feel unhealed, let me show you why – I’m sorry to say that you’ve been searching for the wrong thing. You’ve just been lost reviewing an unending sea of wrong data. When you are ready to face your deepest fears about yourself head on, you will need help, but you must find help from someone who knows the way, but at the same time, doesn’t get in your way.
The best thing about true experts is that they know exactly what to look for and precisely what NOT to look for. Watch what happens when you avoid the misdirection of looking at all the things that happened to you, and instead examine your part in this mess.
And let me direct your search using just six keywords:
1. Accusation
At some inevitable point in your childhood before you were seven you got hurt, disappointed or embarrassed for the very first time. Before that moment you had been completely relaxed in your inherent value and worth, but to make sense of this surprising moment for the first time you pointed your own finger at yourself and accused yourself of being the reason for this negative experience. Your childish logic led you to implicate yourself as the problem.
2. Betrayal
Based on this logic you realise you understand that you could never just be you ever again. From here on, it would have to be you plus or minus something. You’ll need to be better than you, different than you, other than you. This siding against yourself in your most vulnerable state is an act of deep betrayal that has reverberated through your being ever since.
3. Agreement
Because of how shocking this experience was, you also decided you had enough evidence to convict yourself without a trial. This accusation stands. You are guilty as charged. You accuse yourself of being the problem and then agree that this is the complete truth.
4. Certainty
This agreement then fills you with a sense of pure certainty that you now know who you really are. It is true. You are sure. This certainty comes with its own chemistry that floods your being and infuses the structure of your beliefs into every cell of your body. Lock it in.
5. Strategy
From this moment, you MUST direct all resources to protecting yourself from anyone else ever finding out who you really are. Now everything you do or say is a strategy to cover and compensate for the agreement about who you think you really are.
6. System
These strategies receive so much creative energy they become the systems you develop for every area of life. Your results and relationships are exactly as you designed them to be. The systems you created are working exactly as you expected them to. This is the system you designed based on the strategy to protect your fears and meet your needs, based on agreeing with who you originally accused yourself to be.
Now watch what happens instantly when you use precise language to cut through all the layers of misdirection again and reverse the order of the six key words for how you created the limiting beliefs about yourself in the first place.
System. Strategy. Certainty. Agreement. Betrayal. Accusation.
Observe the system.
Understand what it was designed to achieve and see how perfectly it works.
Own that every behaviour is simply a strategy as part of your overall system.
Uncover the central driver. Name the fear
What are you running and hiding from?
Who did you say you were?
What exactly did you accuse yourself of?
Open the files.
Review the case.
Examine the data.
See through the holes in the case.
Bring new evidence to light.
Notice how the old evidence falls apart: A huge mistake was made.
Data was misunderstood and interpreted poorly.
You can now disagree with the accusation.
Prove the charges are false.
Apologise for taking so long to review the data objectively and for the years of betrayal.
Discover and decide what is true about your nature instead.
Wholeheartedly agree with these new truths.
Hold firm while the new agreements are pressure tested.
Experience the chemistry of certainty from being sure about who you really are.
Now there is nothing to prove or defend, and no need to run or hide, you are free to direct your best energy towards growth and contribution.
Notice the new system created as the fruit of being free to be at your best where it matters most, unhindered by self-doubt, fear and limiting beliefs.
Can you now see how solvable this insecurity problem really is?
For the full explanation of these 6 keywords:
Listen to episode 294 of the Unhindered podcast – Let me summarise your life in 6 words.
Or
Read my latest book – The Self-Permission method. How to succeed in life without using self-discipline.
Jaemin Frazer, Author, Speaker & Coach
Jaemin Frazer is an award-winning life coach and author. He is the founder of The Insecurity Project and specializes in helping entrepreneurs, leaders, and business owners eradicate insecurity so they can show up to life unhindered by doubt, fear, and self-limiting beliefs. He is widely recognized as one of Australia's best personal development coaches and a leading voice globally on the subject of personal insecurity.
