Dr. Donya Ball is transformative superintendent, renowned for her leadership expertise, keynote speaking, and executive coaching. Author of Adjusting the Sails (2022) and Against the Wind (2023), she captivates audiences and readers globally for her thought leadership, including her TedXTalk, "We are facing a leadership crisis. Here's the cure."
Have you ever faced the heartbreak of being passed over for a promotion or opportunity you thought was yours? Maybe you poured your heart and soul into preparing for it, only to face rejection. The sting of being overlooked can leave a lasting impression, making you question your abilities and your path forward. While no words can immediately heal this pain, there are actionable steps to process the disappointment and emerge stronger than before.
What does it mean to be “passed up”?
Being “passed up” refers to the deeply personal experience of not being chosen for a role or opportunity you have invested significant time and energy in pursuing. For leaders, this can feel like a profound betrayal, especially when you were led to believe the position was yours. Whether you're a seasoned professional or early in your career, facing this form of rejection is an inevitable challenge that tests your resilience and self-worth.
Why does being passed up hurt so much?
Rejection taps into our most vulnerable emotions—shame, self-doubt, and frustration. When leaders are passed over, it’s often not just about the missed opportunity but the perceived betrayal by colleagues or mentors who seemed supportive. This betrayal can be particularly sharp when it feels undeserved or unexpected, creating a ripple effect of anger and confusion.
How do you start the rebound process?
The path to elevating your career to new heights begins with acknowledging the pain. Suppressing emotions or pretending the disappointment doesn’t hurt only prolongs the healing process. It’s okay to grieve, to feel angry, or even to question your career decisions. However, resilience demands that you confront these feelings and decide to move forward with class and dignity intact.
Five essential steps to rebound from career disappointment
Facing career disappointment can feel like a crushing blow, especially when you’ve invested time, energy, and passion into pursuing an opportunity. But setbacks don’t have to define your professional journey. In fact, they can serve as a springboard for growth and transformation. The key lies in how you respond—choosing to see rejection not as an ending, but as a powerful chance to reassess, rebuild, and refocus. Here are five actionable steps to help you move forward and take your career to new heights.
Acknowledge how much this sucks (but not for too long)
The loss of a role or opportunity is a form of grief. Allow yourself to feel the emotions—anger, sadness, frustration—but avoid dwelling on them. Grieving is part of the process, but it must lead to acceptance and growth. As difficult as it may be, it’s equally important not to revolt against the decision. Fighting the outcome or demanding answers can damage your professional relationships and stall your progress. Instead, focus on processing your emotions in a healthy way, acknowledging the disappointment, and redirecting your energy toward building a stronger future. Acceptance is not about agreeing with the decision but about freeing yourself from its grip so you can move forward with clarity and purpose
Revisit your career goals
Take a step back and reflect on your long-term objectives. Are you on the right path, or has this experience revealed a need to pivot? Sometimes, being passed up can serve as a wake-up call, offering valuable insight into what truly aligns with your skills, passions, and aspirations. Use this setback as an opportunity to evaluate whether your current trajectory matches your ultimate career vision or if it’s time to consider alternative routes. Ask yourself tough questions: Is this position still the right fit for me? What other opportunities could provide fulfillment and growth? This moment of reflection can be transformative, helping you uncover hidden ambitions or untapped potential you may not have considered before. Reassess your goals with an open mind, and don’t be afraid to adjust your plans. Refining your trajectory isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a testament to your resilience and adaptability, qualities that will serve you well in the pursuit of your next big achievement.
Create a flexible career plan
Develop a Plan B (and C and D). Career disappointment doesn’t have to mean the end of your goals; it might just mean achieving them through a different route. Explore how your skills can be applied in new organizations, roles, or even industries. Consider lateral moves that offer growth opportunities or entirely new fields that align with your passions. Flexibility and openness to alternative pathways empower you to stay proactive and resilient, turning setbacks into stepping stones toward your ultimate career aspirations. Sometimes, the detours lead to the most rewarding destinations.
Start to see the hidden benefits
Every rejection offers lessons, from improving your interview skills to strengthening your emotional resilience. Sometimes, being passed up reveals that the role you were chasing wasn’t truly right for you. Many realize they were unfulfilled or unhappy in their current positions, and the setback becomes a catalyst for pursuing more aligned and rewarding opportunities. Use each rejection as preparation for the next step, gathering insights and refining your goals for a career path that brings greater fulfillment.
Reach out to your network or create a new one
Share your experience with trusted friends, mentors, or colleagues to gain perspective, support, and potential opportunities. Reaching out can help you process your emotions and uncover fresh insights. Use this time to expand your professional network by attending events or connecting with new contacts in your field. Building relationships can open doors to unexpected opportunities and provide encouragement.
How can you transform disappointment into growth?
One word: mindset. How you view and respond to career disappointments can transform them into opportunities for growth. Rather than seeing rejection as a failure, view it as a redirection—a chance to pivot toward roles that better align with your talents and aspirations. This shift in perspective turns "I wasn’t good enough" into "This wasn’t the right fit for me." Rejection clarifies your true goals and offers valuable lessons to refine your approach. Leaders who embrace this mindset often discover unexpected pathways to success, emerging stronger, wiser, and more adaptable. By reframing setbacks as part of a larger plan, you can trust that every closed door is preparing you for something better, enabling you to grow through challenges and thrive in the face of adversity.
Why sharing your story matters
Leaders often avoid sharing their passed up stories, fearing it might undermine their authority or reputation, but being vulnerable and authentic about struggles can strengthen their leadership. Admitting to challenges demonstrates courage, humility, and the ability to learn from adversity—qualities that inspire trust and respect. Sharing your journey creates a safe space for others to acknowledge their own challenges, fostering deeper connections and stronger relationships. By mentoring those facing similar obstacles, you turn your experience into a tool for growth, helping others while reinforcing your own resilience. Reflecting on how you overcame difficulties builds confidence and reminds you of your adaptability and strength. Embracing vulnerability not only expands your influence but also promotes a culture of openness and growth, transforming setbacks into opportunities to lead by example and inspire others to persevere.
Embrace the process
Career disappointments are an inevitable part of professional growth. What defines you is not the rejection itself but how you choose to respond. Adjust your sails, find a new course, and keep moving forward. Your next success is waiting, and this setback may be just the beginning of a more fulfilling chapter in your career. By reframing rejection as a stepping stone, you can transform even the most painful disappointments into opportunities for growth and renewal. Remember, resilience isn’t about avoiding failure but learning to rise stronger each time you fall.
Dr. Donya Ball, Leadership Expert, Motivational Speaker & Author
Dr. Donya Ball is a renowned keynote speaker, transformative superintendent, and passionate author. With over two decades of experience, she also serves as a professor and executive coach, mentoring and guiding aspiring and seasoned leaders. She has authored two impactful books, Adjusting the Sails (2022) and Against the Wind (2023), which address real-world leadership challenges. Her expertise has garnered national attention from media outlets like USA Today and MSN. Dr. Ball’s TEDxTalk, "We are facing a leadership crisis. Here’s the cure," further highlights her thought leadership.
