Written by: Jelena Radonjic, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We’ve all had to bite the rejection bullet in our lives, but that does not make rejection easier to deal with. It hurts. And it hurts because it’s keeping us from something we’ve wanted to do or to have, whether that’s our career or our personal lives. It is a primal feeling as humans have felt the need for acceptance and validation since ancient times, according to psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb, M.F.T. While rejection in our personal lives means we can call a friend, or open a bottle of wine, or hibernate for a couple of weeks until we get back out there, rejection on a career level can sometimes feel like a door has been closed forever.
Yet, rejection is not always a bad thing. For instance, humourist and writer Fran Lebowitz admitted that she tried to get a book of poetry published when she was young and is glad she was rejected, as she now deems it bad (Takome Voice, June 2011). This shows that sometimes rejection is necessary for us to grow, edit and rethink, take a different approach, and achieve more. Sometimes it can be exactly the push we needed. However, very often, it’s also determined by external factors completely outside of our control, and we still internalize it because rejection feels personal.
The first lesson we can take from rejection, though, is:
1. It’s not about you.
If you have been rejected from your dream role, fret not. Sometimes, it’s just not about you. There can be dozens of perfect candidates, and you could have been one of them, but there are external forces in your way. A role can be advertised just because it has to be so, although there is already an internal candidate in the company. Or sometimes, you might have all the relevant skills, but personal connections favor someone else. Sometimes, there are budget cuts, and the company cannot even recruit for this role anymore. Or rejection always feels personal because work is personal. Because you can pour your heart, passion, and time into it, and although it is easy to let yourself be affected by it, it is vital to remember that it’s not always your doing. Instead of internalizing the belief of personal failure or spiraling into a cycle of lowered self-confidence, acknowledge the validity of these feelings, allow yourself to feel them, and then find ways to move past them and tackle a new role. As Roxanne Gray said about being a writer (and it applies in any profession, really): “rejection is the rule, not the exception.”
Secondly, you can find consolation in the fact that you could have been rejected because:
2. It’s not the right fit.
Sometimes, we apply for roles just for the sake of applying. We can feel stuck, or the job market can be so overwhelming that we grapple with anything that’s on the market. If you are being rejected, ask yourself: Did I really want this? Rejection can often save us the pain of working in an environment we do not fit in. This can relate to personal working relationships, or company values, or any other facet. When it comes to the role, are you clear that you would enjoy all or most aspects of it? Do you really, truly align with the industry and the ethos of the company? I have often seen clients who spent years or even decades in an industry or company that did not align with their core values around sustainability, fairness, and equal opportunities. Of course, they grew progressively unhappy. Equally, if you are shooting for roles in companies that operate in a space that contradicts your personal moral code to some extent, the doubt, uncertainty, or lack of enthusiasm will come through during the selection process.
If, however, you feel like you would have enjoyed this position in all its aspects, maybe you can ask yourself why you have been rejected?
Which brings us to the final point:
3. It is about you.
Your work, as said before, is about you, after all. And while it does not make up the entirety of your day or your being as a whole, it is a vital part of it. It is vital that you keep track of all your applications, interviews, and feedback you received. Then you will be able to get answers to these questions:
Is there a pattern? Is it the application or the interview? Are there any essential skills for the role I have been going for that you need to brush up on? Do you have any gaps to fill? While it is a cliché, it is true. Any rejection can be a learning experience. If you identify any skills gap, do not despair. More often than not, career progression requires new skills or new levels of existing skills. You can get more clarity on whether you need to “upskill” or “reskill” in my latest Forbes article.
I have already referred to some famous, wise women and what they had to say on rejection, taken from this article in The Cut. Here are some of my favorites - How do we deal with rejection, and what can we learn from it?
“Never, ever assume that you’re going to get something… And never assume you aren’t going to get it either.” – Cheryl Strayed.
Essentially, this is about balance: stay open to the possibility of success and rejection, and either way, acknowledge what worked and what you could do differently.
“Allow yourself to grieve and move on.” – Gillian Jacobs.
That means if that rejection hits, acknowledge your feelings and their validity to go then and grow from there.
“I mean, I think rejection isn’t really a rejection, it’s just a need to redirect.”- Margaret Cho
Review, regroup and go again!
And as Sylvia Plath wonders:
“We get rejections. Isn’t this the world telling us we shouldn’t bother to be writers? How can we know if we work now hard and develop ourselves, we will be more than mediocre? Isn’t this the world’s revenge on us for sticking our neck out? We can never know until we’ve worked, written...”
...which is a wake-up call for us to do it, nonetheless. So, if you get that next rejection, stick your neck out even further and get back at the world!
Jelena Radonjic, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jelena is an award-winning Career Fulfilment and Leadership Development coach, helping conscious, aspiring professionals thrive in the careers they love. With over 25 years in international recruitment and education management, Jelena has held managerial and business development roles with P&L accountability, working with corporate clients from all over the world.
Having started her corporate career in Japan, Jelena has lived and worked in 3 countries. She is a Forbes Coaches Council contributor, speaker, and author. Jelena has also worked with spiritual teachers such as John DeMartini and Deepak Chopra and infuses love, joy, and spirit into her coaching and everything she does.
Her powerful blend of personal, career, and business coaching, as well as personal development and spiritual practice, has brought transformational results to hundreds of her clients.
