Written by: Patricia Renovato, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Anxiety is the physical manifestation of our fears and worries. We all experience anxiety from time to time. It’s usually influenced by moments of change, a looming deadline, or feeling stretched beyond your comfort zone. Anxiety is fueled by the perception of lack of control. The idea that the future is unknown, and therefore uncertain, can lead us down a path that forks into too many possibilities that we can’t manage. The reality is that we are the only ones that can control our experiences. So regardless of where your mind is living at the moment, only the present exists. And we can choose to limit how much time we invest in playing out potential scenarios so we can be present in the now and thereby better manage our anxiety.
The need to control others and situations feeds our anxiety. The conflict exists because we operate under the false premise that we can control ‘things’ outside of us. The truth is that the only control we have is of ourselves and how we relate to ‘things’, and that is what becomes our experience. But in order to truly control your experience, you have to be aware of your actions and be in sync with your feelings. Anxiety is the sensation that your feelings are outside of your control and we feel this when our actions and feelings are misaligned.
In order to eliminate your anxiety, you have to be brave enough to sit still and identify every single source of anxiety. And then pragmatically address every single one. This process may seem daunting, but it’s only when you face your fears head on that you can create a solution for each stressful possibility that your mind created. There are 2 key outcomes to this exercise; first is the release and relief of moving your thoughts from inside our mind onto paper. And the second benefit is giving yourself the gift of a solution to each source of anxiety instead of just playing them on an endless loop inside your head.
I recently took a trip alone with my 4yr and 7yr old internationally for the first time. My concerns about managing 2 kids through airports while carrying luggage took me on a head trip that almost ruined my actual trip before I ever got on the plane. My anxiety started to surface and my initial excitement for the trip was slowly turning into dread. I began noticing that I was only speaking negatively about the trip. Thankfully, one of my friends started to offer suggestions that I hadn’t thought of. I realized that I was stuff in problem mode and she helped move into solution mode. And this shift in perspective, kickstarted the 2 step process I mentioned above. The following month, I started jotting down every fear and concern that I had every time it surfaced and I ended up with a complete list of solutions.
I’ll share my process below to help you visualize this exercise:
Fear | Solution |
I can't physically carry all the luggages | I decided to "underpack" banking on the ability to wash clothes while on the trip ‒ which I had never done before! I used a roller suitcase and a Patagonia duffel bag that I wore on my back which allowed my hands to be free to push the stroller. |
I will lost my kids in the airport | I purchased child leashes on Amazon. By the time they arrived. I was confronted with the intensity of my fear and immediately gave them to the kids to play cop & robber. |
My kids won't be able to handle a 10+ hours flight | I purchased drawing kits, books, play dough, and puzzles to keep them busy. I also brought their comfortable headsets for in-flight movies. |
One of my kids will get sick on the trip and ruin the entire trip | I packed medicine, had them wear their mask for most of the flight. I remained positive and changed focus everytime this thought surfaced. |
I will feel emotionally and physically exhausted by doing everything solo and won't enjoy the trip | I practiced mindfulness and gratitude about the trip. My feelings shifted from feeling burdened to feeling empowered and grateful for being able to do this trip. |
How will I be able to physically manage my kids through all day walking in Spain | I searched online for compact and light double stroller. I was so excited to find and used one on Craigslist for $80 major win! |
My kids will get nauseous on the plane or car rides | I purchased a nausea band for my daughter and packed vomit bags. I also packed extra clothes in my carry on. My 7yrs old did puke but we were prepared. |
Our flights changed and I have to stay overnight in Amsterdam. I'm nervous to leave the airport with all my luggages, find a hotel and return the next day day in time for our flight | I found a hotel inside the Amsterdam airport and stayed there overnight during our layover. I asked them to fly our luggage all the way home so I don't have to carry all the luggages around the airport. |
People kept warning me that my luggages would get lost | I decided to remain positive and not allow other people's negatively to enter my realm of possibility. And I made sure to pack the essentials into the carry on. |
My original fear was to travel alone with my kids, but the “why” became completely addressable once I broke it down into the nesting fears.
This 5 step process below will help you start identify the sources of our anxiety and develop a practical solution map:
Define the situation.
Break down the situation into parts that invoke fear or worry.
Create a list with your fears on the left side of the paper and leave room on the right to address each concern. a. Note: In order to successfully complete this exercise, you have to be in a state of mind where you want to address your fears and not just complain about them.
Once you have your list created, start addressing each fear one by one with an action that would help alleviate it.
Get outside help if you need it. a. Each situation is different and has different ramifications. Seek guidance from your friends or a therapist when necessary.
Our fears can prevent us from making decisions and experiencing life full out. In moments of stress, it’s easy to forget that our mind is stronger than our fears. However, our minds can also enable the negative talk track that gives power to our fears. The key is to develop the skills to manage your mindset during times of stress so that you can take control of the narrative.
If you want to learn how to implement these ideas and be coached by me, you can email me at truepassioncompany@gmail.com.
Patricia Renovato, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
For over a decade, Patricia kept ignoring the growing sensation that she could do more to serve the world. It was daunting to think about dramatically changing her life without direction. After spending some time searching for the answer, Patricia found her calling as a Life Coach. This became the vehicle for her to facilitate the transformation of people who felt stuck in their life, not knowing how to begin a new journey. Patricia dedicates her time to connecting people with their genuine passion for living a passionate and purposeful life. Patricia’s innate ability to see people’s potential beyond their purview inspires clients to work through the inner blocks preventing them from living their dream.
