Written by: Oksana Irwin, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Most people get into their romantic vibes only when they are dating.
But then, when they meet someone and get into a relationship, they fairly quickly get “comfortable” with their partner and the idea that they are “finally” in a relationship.
At first, things go great for a while, but then, only a few months later, they start to get busy with “other” priorities, become less engaged, get distracted by other interests and responsibilities, and stop doing those ‘little romantic things’ that made them fall for each other and got them into a relationship in the first place.
Then, with time, the relationship becomes more and more “practical.” Other priorities always take precedence. No longer is their room for romance and connection. The relationship quickly turns into a routine with a lot of “other” priorities but their partners.
They stop going out on date nights where they can connect, laugh and enjoy each other’s company. They stop sharing themselves with their partner and over time they become less and less emotionally connected.
They stop investing in a romantic connection that drives passion and creates desire. They no longer have romantic nights with candle-lit dinners, flowers, compliments where they are showing appreciation to each other. Consequently, the romance and passion end. Everything becomes practical, convenient, predictable, “normal” and lifeless.
Then things start changing between them. They are not as passionate about each other as they used to be. They don’t feel excited about their partner anymore and don’t understand why.
Their feelings become less intense and the “sexy & romantic” vibe goes out of the window. They find themselves puzzled and wondering what has gone wrong.
Then they start arguing instead of making out. Then they start spending time apart and with their friends and complaining about their partners instead of dating.
That leads to growing resentment and a feeling of not being “seen” and appreciated in a relationship.
Communication becomes dull; Excitement and passion vanish; Things get very ordinary, predictable, and lackluster.
But, they can’t pinpoint what’s actually “wrong” with the relationship and why they lost desire and attraction for their partner. Instead, they secretly blame the lack of connection on their partner for not feeling the connection they once had.
The answer to what is missing is attraction. Attraction is a feeling and it’s the main, key ingredient that determines the quality and longevity of modern relationships. Attraction is the critical glue that holds every relationship together and once it’s gone, the relationship is pretty much done.
To create a lasting, fulfilled, and exciting relationship, the focus needs to be on sustaining sexual and emotional attraction indefinitely and creating it consistently and intentionally.
If you find yourself in a situation when things started off “hot’ n heavy” and then cooled down after a few months or years, here are some tips that I use to help me sustain a “new like” passion connection, desire, and excitement in my 4+ year relationship:
Make time for romance and make your partner your top priority. (Yes, even ahead of the kids and your career!)
Create space for connection and romance – at least 2-3 date nights per week.
Make your partner seen, acknowledged, and appreciated for what they do.
Learn to understand their needs. Spoiler Alert: Men and women are not the same, in fact, we are completely different when it comes to love, romance, and relationships. Developing gender intelligence and understanding the needs of the opposite sex is a key solution to many relationship problems.
Create both times together and apart - “me time & we time”. This allows both : closeness and individuality instead of feeling like you have been “swallowed” by a relationship.
Work very hard on understanding your partner when challenges come up and do not just focus on your own feelings and priorities.
The recipe for long-term relationship success is to invest in your primary relationship first, add ample romance and passion, and ensure that your partner feels seen and appreciated. Voila! Passion and romance are back in the air!
To learn more about;
"The Science of Love" – how to create Attraction & Polarity intentionally in your relationship and not leave it up to chance but be actually in charge of your relationship and love journey;
How to create desire and ongoing passion in your relationship and sustain it over the years
Please visit my LinkedIn, Facebook Profile here and connect with me on Instagram or visit my website for more info!
Oksana Irwin, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Oksana Irwin is a Certified Mars – Venus Life and Relationship Coach, trained by the legendary John Gray. She is on a continuing mission to change the world one love story at a time! Oksana is a leader in the dating and relationship coaching field. She equips her clients with powerful behaviors, winning mindsets, and gender intelligence knowledge that empowers them to unleash their mental and emotional constraints and achieve their very best in love, life, and career. Within 3 years of sadly losing both her long-term marriage and role in a thriving family business, Oksana has created a new loving, passionate relationship and built a successful coaching business. She turned her pain into passion, passion into purpose, and purpose into profit by helping many women along the way. She impacts her clients by unlocking access to feminine power, lowering stress, and skyrocketing confidence. Her clients learn effective and powerful gender dynamics, sufficient hormonal balance, and potent attraction and polarity techniques that produce outstanding results in creating loving and lasting passionate relationships and thriving, successful and fulfilling lives.
