Written by: Alastair Duhs, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If you're like most people, you've probably experienced anger at some point in your life. Whether it's because someone cut you off in traffic or your partner said something that upset you, anger is a perfectly normal emotion. However, if anger isn't managed healthily, it can lead to problems in your personal and professional life. Luckily, you can do a few simple things to keep your anger in check. In this article, I'll share three tips for managing anger.
By following these tips, you can learn how to control your anger and keep it from causing problems in your life.
Tip 1. Recognize your anger triggers
What sets you off? Is it your partner not listening to you? Is your boss piling on more work? Recognizing your anger triggers is the first step to managing your anger. Once you know what sets you off, you can begin to work on diffusing these difficult situations. A simple way to do this is to recognize your "Early Warning Signs of Anger." Your Early Warning Signs of Anger are the physical and emotional changes you experience when you're getting angry. For example, common Early Warning Signs of Angerinclude:
feeling tense
having a racing heartbeat
feeling hot
raising your voice
feeling like you're about to explode, or
wanting to lash out.
By recognizing your Early Warning Signs of Anger, you can take action to prevent yourself from getting too angry. Some common ways to diffuse anger are to take a few deep breaths, change your thinking, or walk away from the situation.
Tip 2. You create your anger
That's right. You create your anger. It may not feel like it, but it's true. How? Well, your anger is not created by other people or situations. It's created by your thoughts about other people or situations. For example, imagine you're stuck in traffic. You might think, " This is so frustrating! I'm going to be late for my meeting." If you think like this, how are you likely to be feeling? Angry, right? Now imagine you're stuck in traffic, and you think, " I'm glad I left early, so I'm not going to be late for my meeting." How are you likely to be feeling now? Much calmer, right? It's the same situation ‒ you are stuck in traffic ‒ but your thoughts about the situation are different. And as a result, your feelings are different. The next time you feel angry, ask yourself what your thoughts are about the person or situation making you angry. Chances are, it is your thoughts ‒ not the person or situation – that are making you angry. Understanding that your thoughts create your anger is an important step in managing your anger. By realizing this, you can begin to change your thoughts ‒ and as a result, you will become angry much less!
Tip 3. Communicate assertively, not aggressively
One of the best ways to manage your anger is to communicate assertively, not aggressively. What's the difference? When you communicate assertively, you express your anger in a clear, direct, and respectful way. You are not trying to hurt the other person or make them feel bad. You are simply trying to resolve the situation. A simple way to do this is to use "I" statements. For example, you might say, "I feel disrespected when you raise your voice at me," or "I feel hurt when you say things like that.” When you communicate assertively, the other person is more likely to be open to hearing what you have to say. As a result, you're more likely to resolve the situation.
Aggressive communication, on the other hand, is communication that scares or intimidates the other person. For example, you might say, "I'm going to punch you if you don't shut up!" or "If you don't do what I want, I'm going to make your life hell."
Aggressive communication is never helpful. It only makes the situation worse.
Summary
Anger is a natural emotion, but it's essential to manage it healthily. You can effectively deal with your anger by recognizing your triggers, understanding that your thoughts create your anger, and communicating assertively.
If you're struggling to control your anger, don't worry ‒ you're not alone. My life-changing anger management course has helped thousands of people like you control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier, and more loving relationships.
For more information, please visit my website.
Alastair Duhs, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Alastair Duhs is an anger management expert. Over the last 30 years, Alastair has taught more than 10,000 men and women how to control their anger and create calmer, happier, and more loving relationships. Alastair is the founder of The Complete Anger Management System, a life-changing anger management course that has helped thousands of people control their anger and create calmer and happier lives, often in just 21 days or less. You deserve to live a calmer, happier and more peaceful life ‒ and with Alastair's help, you can make it happen.
