Written by: Izabela Puchala, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As the job markets are booming worldwide and candidates have multiple offers to choose from, this question keeps popping up in coaching with my clients. I wanted to share what to reflect on beyond what's on paper and the decision process to follow to fully express who you are and do what is right for you.
First of all, congratulations on your job offers! I hope you take a moment to feel the satisfaction of this achievement, take a deep breath and let it sink in. We are often so focused on chasing the outcome that we forget to enjoy the process. Being grateful for all the goodness coming your way will attract even more of it.
Now, to help you get unstuck, let's reflect on Do's and Don't when choosing the job offer.
Choose a job in alignment with your values.
Making the right choice means taking a job offer that is in alignment with our values. By values, we mean what is important to us rather than morals, i.e. creativity, nature, connection, authenticity etc. For instance, authenticity and spontaneity are my values, and a role in HR requires measured communication to protect the company from legal troubles. No wonder I was miserable in it! If you're unsure what your values are, the exercises below will help you mine for them.
Find a peak experience, a time in your life when you felt fully alive and in your element. Where were you? Who, if anyone, is there with you? What were you doing?
Think about a time when you were depressed or angry. What values did you compromise? What was missing for you?
Don't get too hung up on your decision.
Whilst paying attention to the choice is essential, we tend to attribute too much value to the decision at the moment versus the level of motivation we have for what comes after. In other words, we get to hang up on thinking that our future happiness depends on our decision about the job offer. This approach can drive us to an analysis-paralysis of all different elements of the job offer. While it is the level of our motivation to make things work afterwards matters more for our happiness.
When you imagine yourself six months from now on each job you have an offer for, what is your typical day? Who, if anyone, collaborates with you? How structured or not is your day? What is present in your environment? How do you feel there? What values are you honoring?
Follow your intuition.
Big decisions are scary and can push us into a fight or flight response. When this happens, our emotions shut down, and we prioritize logic to stay in control. In that instance, we can fall into the trap of staying at a cognitive level job offer analysis. Listing different elements related to each job offer like title, salary, location, and comparing them against each other. When one of my clients looked at the outcome of his numerical analysis, he wasn't excited about the winner. Still, logically it made sense, so he went for it. It was a miserable experience, and a week after his start date, he escaped to the Excel loser role, which felt great for whatever reason. Don't override your intuition and fall into the trap of prioritizing what looks good on paper and feeding your ego versus how you feel about it.
Which job makes you feel expanded rather than constricted in your body?
Don't feed your ego.
As a society, we're conditioned to think that more is always better - the core of the capitalistic model - a more senior role, a larger company, more money etc. This way, we're feeding the never satiated ego preoccupied with our status and deriving satisfaction from comparing ourselves against others. What if, instead of climbing up the ladder, the job is offering more freedom to spend time with the family, which honors the value of connection. Or an opportunity to pick up a hobby you've wanted to do for a while. Who said that dedicating 100% of your working time to one thing means growth? It can mean being limited to one area and not having an opportunity to develop into other parts of your life.
Putting the money and title aside, which job makes you feel most excited and energized?
Don't fall into the safety trap.
Whenever we make big decisions in life, the homeostasis process awakens. This natural phenomenon is formed in early childhood to preserve the status quo and protect us from imaginary or genuine threats. Unfortunately, it also wants to keep us small. We might notice thoughts such as "you don't have enough experience for such a big job", "stick with what you know". Whilst it's good to hear from the part of ourselves concerned with our safety, it's essential to listen to perspectives of other parts of ourselves. For example, the one that values challenge or creativity or responsibility etc. We're more than one voice, so don't let the loudest bully hijack you.
Notice different thoughts that come up about choosing the job offer. Try to separate each perception on this topic, write it down and notice the energy and value it represents. Opening a dialogue between different parts of you will help you make a more informed and balanced decision.
Beware of "Shoulds"
When we change jobs, we hear a lot of opinions about what we SHOULD do from those close to us. They usually mean well, so what's wrong with this? This approach means we're following external messages from society, parents and other important people in our life that we don't believe in but feel compelled to follow. Think about it - if we did believe in them, it would be our "want". This approach overrides our intuition and disconnects us from what is important to us. Other people's advice is their projection of their life on us - their wishes and regrets. No one in this world has had the same experiences and path that led you to this point. It's tempting to offer advice because we get our ego validated by seeing others follow our recommendations.
Notice when "should" comes up about your job choice. Reflect where this is coming from? Whose voice do you hear? How valid is this message for you? What would it be to replace it with "want"? If it doesn't feel right, we need to discard it.
To sum up, this is such an exciting milestone in your life. Take enjoyment from how far you've become, and choose the job that feels right to you based on your values and the vision for the role that excites you the most. Typically, your inner critic will be awake in this huge transition, so don't let them hijack you. Instead, follow your intuition and decide on a job creating a feeling of expansion rather than constriction.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frighten us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Marianne Williamson.
Izabela Puchala, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Izabela Puchala is an expert in organisational and self-awareness, helping teams and individuals increase their effectiveness through a deeper understanding of who they are. For the last 15 years, she's been a trusted business advisor at some of the biggest media companies and high-growth start-ups worldwide. Her expertise is in providing strategic consulting at an executive level across organisational design, professional development, leadership impact, team dynamics and mental health. As a Certified Enneagram Coach, she also works with individuals to help them recognise patterns holding them back and create meaningful goals towards growth into their best selves. Izabela's background in Gestalt Psychotherapeutic Counselling and an MSc in economics give her a unique advantage to understand business and intrapersonal challenges. Outside of work, she's provided psychological support to underprivileged communities in the realms of inter-cultural dynamics, relationship difficulties, anxiety issues, anger management, depression, anxiety and PTSD.
