Written by: Michelle DiMuria, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Warning: Possible Triggers
“Michelle, you’ve been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).” Words that continue to haunt me to this day.
2017 was not my year! I was a woman who had just been diagnosed with PTSD, and I was a victim of sexual assault. It was a lot to take in; I was overwhelmed, to say the least. So many feelings and emotions ran through my mind. All I wanted to do was run and hide. Disappear into the darkness, and that is exactly what I did. Shortly after my diagnosis, I began to share my story with some of my closest friends. Their reaction hit me like a ton of bricks. “You’re crazy! I can’t be friends with you anymore.” I could not believe what I was hearing. They were supposed to be my friends. How could they turn their backs on me? I was broken, simple as that!
The only thing that made sense at the time was suicide. My mind was made up; everyone would be better off without me. Writing three letters, I placed them next to me as I sat on my bed with a handful of pills. I can still remember how those pills felt, in my hands. I felt at peace and I was ready for the next step. I just wanted the pain to go away. The vivid images of what happened to me when I was rape. But my time here was not done, and my guardian angel saved me. I knew I had a long road ahead, but I was ready. My PTSD would not define who I was.
So how did I overcome some of the obstacles in my life? I build a roadmap!
1. Journal – You would be surprised how beneficial journaling is. I have been journaling since 2017, two to three times a day. Depending on what is going on in my life and if I am struggling. One of my favorite starters is, “Today I am grateful for….” And you can create a journal of your own or buy a journal and make it your own. I buy plain ones and decorate them.
2. Rewards – Reward yourself! It is important to take time and recognize all that you have accomplished. My rewards include: Peanut Butter M&M’s, binge-watching Chicago Fire, The Resident, and of course, all the Marvel movies. I am a huge comic book fan. Fun fact, I wrote my very first comic book this year! Other rewards include buying something I have saved up for, having a cheat day (In-and-Out Double Double with animal fries), and watching my all-time favorite movie, The Sound of Music.
3. Self-Care Days –These are so important in my roadmap. My self-care days consist of Lavender Oil in my diffuser, watching the Arizona Cardinals during football season. There is just something about yelling at the TV that is so therapeutic. My phone is on silent, and my full attention is on the game. The ONLY time I will check my phone is if my mom is bringing pizza and wings. It is a football tradition and one that I love. Other self-care days include soaking my feet in lavender Epson salt, watching Hallmark Christmas movies when they come on throughout the year, and drinking delicious green tea and/or black tea. It depends on my mood and if I have had a bad PTSD episode.
4. Educate – I have created a workshop called “Through the Eyes of a Survivor.” An hour-long workshop that shares my own personal civilian insight into what it is like being a survivor of rape. I share my own personal tips and tools that work for me. It is a huge part of my healing process. I want people to understand what it is like for someone who has been raped. I do not share graphic details about what happened to me, but I do share the impact it has had on my life—both personally and professionally.
5. Support System – My support system is amazing, and I am so lucky. You can create any type of support system that works best for you. For me, I have a three-tier system. The top tier consists of 10 people. Those ten people, I call my “emergency” contacts. That does not mean it is an actual emergency, it simply means they are always there no matter what. They check-in, they are there when I need someone to talk to, they help me through an episode and make sure I am okay after I share my story. The second tier is my backup if I need some extra assistance. This usually happens when my PTSD episodes are bad. And finally, my third tier, a group of people I reach out to when I just need a little encouragement.
My advice to anyone who is reading this, build a roadmap that works for you. This does not even begin to scratch the surface of what my roadmap looks like. My roadmap has 30 different “stops.” Each help me in a different way, depending on my situation and if I have any roadblocks in the way. Never be afraid to ask for help! I have a group of men and women that I reach out to. They are part of my BEE Squad! They help me both personally and professionally. What makes them different from my support group? They help me on the professional side when it comes to bouncing ideas off them, how to handle situations if I sometimes need due to having a bad PTSD episode or just need some guidance. Remember, we are all human beings, and our mental illness does not define who we are.
The famous saying, “time heals old wounds!” And it does, I genuinely believe that. Here I am running my own foundation that focuses on the civilian side of mental health. I am creating an online platform for 2021 and enjoying life. Excited for what is to come in 2021, and I am excited to have you on this journey with me.
Michelle DiMuria, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Michelle DiMuria, is a survivor of rape and the founder and CEO of the BEE Daring Foundation. Graduating with a Bachelor’s of Arts in Psychology and a Bachelor’s of Science in Criminal Justice (2016) and a Master’s of Criminal Justice in 2017. After being Diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), in 2017, Michelle contemplated suicide. Shortly, after her guardian angel saved her, Michelle realized her calling in life. Creating her foundation sooner than later. The BEE Daring Foundation focuses on the civilian side of mental health, providing workshops, resources, events, and more. Launching her own digital mental health magazine, Michelle has crossed paths with over 6,000 people. This year, Michelle launched her podcast BEE Real and self-published her first comic book! Michelle’s goal, to eradicate these stigmas that surround mental health.
