Written by: Shauna J Harris, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Building a healthy relationship is a lot like constructing a home, it starts from the ground up.
The foundation of any building or relationship helps to create a solid structure or union. The enormity of its importance is not to be taken lightly. If you have a strong foundation, you and your partner are better set up to stand the curve balls and the different seasons that are a part of any relationship and life in general.
When the foundation of a relationship is built with intention, it is able to withstand the test of time. Cracks will inevitably occur and due to the strength of the base that you have formed together, they can be more easily repaired.
How do we build a strong foundation? Let’s dive into it. I talk about this a lot in my practice. Communication is the glue that holds the pieces of the foundation together. Every brick that is placed on the foundation is bonded with the adhesive power of conversation. When we communicate with one another effectively, we connect. The more we learn about one another the deeper the connection grows.
Being curious about one another and asking open-ended questions are two more valuable tools to utilize. It doesn’t matter how long a couple has been together, asking great questions is an essential piece in building and maintaining the foundation. Open-ended questions spark engaging conversations due to the fact that they require more than a one-word answer.
Another part of the equation of asking great questions is the art of listening. Questions are typically followed by responses and being an engaged and attentive listener is just as, or I would even argue, even more, beneficial than the question being asked. Listening is perhaps one of the most important skills that we can work on in our relationship; it is highly underrated. Listening not only increases connection but also elevates the level of intimacy that a couple of shares.
When I mention listening here, I am referring to the empathetic, supportive kind, where the urge to problem-solve is not the goal. By not engaging in advice-giving and “fixing” issues, you are truly showing up for your partner in a very powerful way. When we show up for our partner consistently, building trust is another amazing side effect.
Some of us do have a tendency to want to solve our partner’s issue, as it isn’t easy to see a loved one struggle but this is not what they are usually looking for. More often than not they want to be heard, to be understood, to be supported. If they are looking for your opinion, your advice, or a solution, they will ask for it. I like to take it a step further so that there is no room for misinterpretation and encourage my clients to ask this simple question, “how can I best support you right now?”
Now that we understand the importance of communication in building and maintaining a firm foundation, what happens when the wheels fall off? What happens when there is conflict? How do we repair cracks?
Repair happens when a few steps are taken to get back on track. It begins with an acknowledgment of the undesired behavior or inadvertent event. This is then followed by accountability. When accountability is taken it creates a space for the conversation to begin. If an apology is in order, it needs to be an effective one that takes responsibility for the behavior and includes a plan for the future. This plan going forward is to ensure the behavior is not repeated. Everyone makes mistakes, we are human. It is what happens after that provides us with the opportunity to build a stronger bond.
When a couple becomes competent in communication and conflict resolution, the sky is limited in constructing and sustaining a strong foundation. It fuels connection and the desire to spend quality time together, have fun together, and stay curious about one another. This is what healthy relationships are made of.
If you are looking to brush up on your communication and conflict resolution skills, I am the coach for you. Just reach out, I am happy to support you in your relationship journey.
Shauna J Harris, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Shauna is a Clinical Sexologist, relationship specialist, and international best-selling author. She is the founder of Explore Intimacy, a results-based coaching practice.
Shauna utilizes her private coaching practice to guide couples through their relationship journey. She also helps to empower young adults through human sexuality education, which enables them to make the most knowledgeable and healthy decisions.
Through private sessions, workshops, articles, videos, and speaking engagements, Shauna is passionate about encouraging and supporting healthy families and intimate relationships.
Shauna grew up in Canada and now lives in the beautiful state of Arizona with her husband and two Yorkies.
