Written by: Michelle Margaret Marques, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
For a lot of years, I struggled with feeling like an outsider, feeling like I was too much for most. I never felt important or accepted. Of course, I had a lot of very real evidence from early experiences in my life that cultivated these feelings and eventually, they became invisible and destructive beliefs. Which were running in the background creating underlying patterns and informing my behaviours, habits, choices, and decisions. Ultimately creating the evidence that I was in fact alone and unimportant and creating a world I didn't want to live in. Perhaps this article will help you begin to cultivate your new story.
Here are some of the ways in which these destructive beliefs were showing up and how this was affecting my self-concept and how I was behaving as a result.
Believing I’m Alone!
Others don’t have the capacity to “meet me.”
I need to do it all myself.
I am capable, successful, warm, caring, and friendly, but didn't realise I could be aloof.
I rarely asked for support, and I didn't realise that when I did ask it was in a way that alienated me.
I always felt chronically under-supported.
I became isolated and would often separate myself from even the possibility of meaningful connections.
I became incredibly self-sufficient (which isn't all bad) but I believed – I can’t get what I want from others.
Therefore, I structured my life in ways that are hyper-self-sufficient and didn't give space for anyone to truly be there for me.
I pushed people away very easily, to protect myself from feeling unimportant or undervalued.
I felt I never had enough money, time, and love.
I was burdened by too many responsibilities (always over-committing).
I was diligent to care for others' needs and forgo my own needs in the process.
I Undervalued myself.
I always knew there was something more powerful inside and a yearning to bring my gifts to the world and impact change. The pain of not stepping into this higher version of myself became unbearable and I knew then that I was ready to face any pain I might encounter on the road to becoming who I am born to be.
How did I break free?
Let me explain the process in 3 steps.
Step 1: Before The Breakthrough
I identified the hidden barriers and expectations, choices, decisions, and behaviours that had been at the root cause of my (then perceived reality)
Step 2: The Breakthrough
I created the breakthrough to a “NEW STORY” of power, growth, and possibility. By shifting the lens of my narrative to a GROWTH STORY and stepped into and reclaimed my creative power. Then anchored in a new growth-oriented story with a “Power Statement”. This is a statement of the deeper truth of my worth and power to learn, grow and change.
The breakthrough step is like a door OPENING to transformation, it is not the transformation.
Step 3: After The Breakthrough
I Mapped out a “GROWTH PATH” for myself to BECOME my new self and cultivate the new skills I needed to succeed. Giving me clear practices to step into in my life that enabled me to grow into myself and recreate my life in ways that align with the new story.
This is just one of the formulas I now use with my female clients, and they have had rapid, deep, irreversible breakthroughs.
The new story I live by has transformed my life in the most beautiful and successful ways. Let me share it with you here.
I was not born to be alone. I came here to love and be loved, and I have the power to create deep and meaningful connections with others.
I am worthy. And even though I will still have work to do, to clear the energy that no longer serves who I am becoming, I accept who I am and unleash all my fullness and greatest energy to the world with bold passion and an unwavering might. I generate powerful, loving, secure relationships. Being fully myself and giving my core expertise is the foundation for my success, that's why I built a business that encourages people to be themselves.
I am moving forward in my mission with ease and grace. I give myself grace and kindness, and I pour that same grace and kindness into others. I give myself love and then pour that love into others. I give myself worth and then pour that worth into others. I give myself transformation, and I pour transformation into others. My need for others is healthy and wholesome. I need to be in relationships with others in order to become myself fully.
I give myself wealth and then pour that wealth into others. I give myself acceptance and pour that acceptance into others. I give myself peace and then pour that peace into others. I give myself the world and then give the world to others. I am who I need to be for myself and give that fullness to others.
Who I am is INVALUABLE, others can’t succeed without me, and I can't succeed without others. Others appreciate having opportunities to contribute to me. I leverage what I uniquely have to offer to create incredible value for my clients. I bring something to the table, that only I can bring, I don’t look outside of myself to feel important, I know I’m important and I give importance to others. I don’t seek to prove my brilliance; I seek the brilliance in others. I don't fight to be the best I know I am the only!
Michelle Margaret Marques, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Michelle is an author, leader, change consultant, mindset expert, thinking partner, and special advisor to clients who play a big game and are serious about creating a huge impact in the world. Her clients include leaders who are led by their integrity, vision, and purpose. Her bold, fierce approach to coaching supports the kind of clients whom you may not believe would need to change their thinking.
