How To Break Codependency? Get Out There And Play!
Written by: Ulrika Sullivan, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The topic of codependency I feel is long overdue. Also, some of the patterns and cycles that we keep maintaining unconsciously are long overdue if we don't allow ourselves to notice them.
Here’s the thing, just because we are becoming adults at some point, some of us believe that we automatically become our own sovereign beings, because as adults we have the right to make our own decisions and express ourselves through our opinions.
But, how true is it that just because we’re adults we are also sovereign beings?
Not so often. More often we are bringing patterns and attachments to our past, into adulthood, and it plays out in different ways as adults. Some patterns and behaviours from the past are serving us well even into adulthood. Those are patterns and behaviours that encourage us to be the person we are. Encouraging self-expression that is aligned with who we are, our true self at the soul level.
Other patterns we bring with us into adulthood may not serve us anymore. It could be subconscious attachments to sayings, people, behaviours, or values that we haven’t questioned since childhood that are not aligned with our true self.
The patterns that don’t serve us anymore hold the energy of resistance and contraction within.
My own story of codependency was that I came into adulthood, not feeling that I had my own opinions about things. I leaned on others, especially my mom to provide me with the right answers. And that had been a pattern of mine since childhood. I brought it with me into adulthood without really reflecting on that it could be a pattern that is not serving me anymore.
What I noticed about this pattern within myself was that I didn't want to stir the pot. I didn't want to make a fuzz. So I stepped back and let others decide for me what was right for me.
And this is in simple terms, but you can see the dynamic that not wanting to stand for who I was or what my opinions were. And that was a codependent pattern for me until I broke it.
For you, it may be the attachment to a family member, for example, the values that they gave to you in childhood, and never really thought of if those values still are valid or matter for you as an adult today.
The opportunity here is to allow ourselves to look into our life, identify patterns, such as codependency and other patterns that may not serve us as well, and find out what does.
What does it mean to become sovereign?
In my opinion, sovereignty is an inner feeling.
It's an inner feeling of sourcing love from within as opposed to codependency, which may be dynamic with somebody else or a situation or where we feel we need to get something back, whether it's love, validation of being good enough, or other energy attachments that feed our own love on subconsciously becoming sovereign is to source that loop of love.
Self-love within ourselves, irrespective of who's around us, even immediate family, siblings, friends, partners, et cetera.
It is that inner energy of I am. I am sovereign. I am my own. And I know what's right for me.
Becoming sovereign includes trusting our own inner guidance system, our own intuition, and our connection with what's greater than us.
This is huge, right? The expansion into considering ourselves in connection with and supported by something bigger than ourselves.
So how can you become more sovereign?
Well, it comes with that openness to look at what patterns are existing within your life today, and specifically release patterns that are not serving you anymore. It may be very subtle changes you’d need to make.
It may be a friend that you have been relying on upon through your childhood and up to adulthood and through, and you have a specific relationship that may have gone into more of a codependent relationship as you have grown up, and the way you can identify a codependent relationship.
For example, what is the energy within that relationship?
Does that person, for example, allow you to feel like I'm expanded that you have the freedom to say, to express, to be yourself, because if somebody is codependent to someone else, it often comes with an energy and a feeling of restriction and you know if and where that exists within your life today.
The sense of restriction may be an indication that there may be a codependency pattern going on there.
Another way to strengthen your own sovereignty is to connect with your inner child.
As an adult, we have an inner child within us, and that is simply our pure life force. And the more we connect with our inner child, listen to that inner child, what that child is telling us that we need, the more we can feed and satisfy that inner child.
Our inner child is linked into a loop of self-love that we can source within ourselves and not have to rely on external people or situations or things.
When was the last time you were playing, I mean PLAYING FREELY with no intention?
That is the energy of your inner child.
And if that was a while ago, playing freely without intention is something that I truly encourage to make space for yourself in your life.
What could you focus on in your adult life that has the same quality energy as that freedom of play that your inner child loves?
How could you connect with your inner child in your life today?
What does that inner child need, want and have to say to you now as an adult. Have a conversation with it, get to know it. When you start to listen to your inner child your codependent patterns become clearer and you can start making decisions towards establishing new patterns and behaviours that serve you better today.
To close the loop on this topic, codependency is the energy of restriction within. So go back into your life, look around within yourself, where you feel restricted. If is it at work, is it with a family member? Is it a certain situation that you frequently are in, wherein your life you feel restricted?
That restriction could be an indicator of codependency as opposed to sovereignty where you are fully yourself, feel expansive, and inspired.
I hope you got inspired to get out there and play to strengthen your sense of sovereignty.
If you’d like help with identifying codependency in your life and support to become more sovereign, schedule a call with Ulrika, or visit UlrikaSullivan.com.
Ulrika Sullivan is the Best-selling Author of Wisdom Beyond What You Know: How to Shift from Being Driven by the Mind to Living from the Heart and Intuition, visit WisdomBeyondBook.com. and founder of the Beyond the Mind membership community which is created to help integrate heart-centred multidimensional living into our daily lives. You can also find more inspiration on Ulrika’s podcast New Light Living See Your Life in a New Light.
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Ulrika Sullivan, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ulrika Sullivan is an intuitive spiritual life coach, yoga teacher, and energy healer. After leaving a stressful multitasking corporate career that left her feeling on autopilot, Ulrika realized she didn’t know who she truly was. A complete inner shift led her to her “point of no return” when she with clarity connected with her true self, natural talents, and life purpose. Ever since Ulrika is successfully helping busy working women to connect with their own intuition, find their inner calm, self-love, and life balance, so that they can live with more ease and flow. Ulrika is the host of the podcast “New Light Living ‒ See Your Life in a New Light”.
