Written by: Jane Parker, Relationship Coach
Jane Parker is a Certified Strategic Intervention Advanced Relationship Coach and she works with couples and individuals to guide and empower them to create positive changes in their marriage or relationship.
Imagine waking up every morning in a relationship where your efforts, no matter how small, are noticed and appreciated. In an age where life's demands constantly pull us in different directions, feeling valued can be the difference between a thriving relationship and one that slowly crumbles.
Let’s explore how five simple acts of daily appreciation can radically improve your relationship.
These small, consistent gestures help to fulfill a deep human need for significance, enhance emotional connection, and reduce the likelihood of conflict.
Are you ready to see how appreciation can transform your relationship?
What is gratitude?
Gratitude is the recognition and appreciation of the positive aspects of life, including the people we interact with daily. In a relationship, gratitude manifests as acknowledging and valuing the efforts, love, and support your partner brings into your life. It can be as simple as saying, "Thank you," or expressing admiration for their contributions.
Gratitude goes beyond mere politeness. It is an emotional response that fosters a deeper appreciation of your partner and creates a positive feedback loop of affection and respect. Studies have shown that gratitude boosts mental and emotional well-being, which, in turn, translates into healthier relationships. Expressing gratitude isn’t just a nicety; it’s a critical element of emotional intimacy.
Why do people need to feel appreciated?
One of the most basic human needs is the need for significance. We all want to feel important, valued, and seen for our efforts. In relationships, this need intensifies. Partners who feel appreciated are more likely to be engaged, loving, and supportive. According to psychologist Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs, esteem—the need for respect, recognition, and appreciation—is a core motivator for human behaviour. When this need is met, people feel more confident and secure, which translates into healthier and happier relationships.
In contrast, relationships where appreciation is lacking tend to experience frustration and distance. Partners may feel neglected, underappreciated, or even invisible, leading to emotional withdrawal, resentment, and an increase in conflict. In fact, research from the University of Georgia found that spousal appreciation is a strong predictor of marital quality and satisfaction. Couples who regularly express gratitude tend to be more committed and less prone to breakups.
How gratitude and appreciation affect a relationship
Gratitude and appreciation are not just nice add-ons; they are fundamental to the health and longevity of relationships. Consistently expressing appreciation can:
1. Strengthen emotional bonds
When a partner feels appreciated, they are more likely to be emotionally available and nurturing. Appreciation reassures them that their efforts are seen and valued, which deepens emotional intimacy. According to a study published in the journal Personal Relationships, couples who expressed gratitude reported feeling more connected and satisfied in their relationships.
2. Reduce conflict
Appreciation shifts the focus from negative to positive, helping partners avoid unnecessary conflict. It’s difficult to feel resentment or frustration when you’re actively recognising your partner’s good qualities. A study by the Greater Good Science Centre found that couples who practised gratitude were less likely to engage in negative conflict patterns and more likely to resolve disagreements constructively.
3. Increase relationship satisfaction
Gratitude fosters a sense of partnership and teamwork. When partners feel valued, they are more likely to reciprocate and invest in the relationship, increasing overall satisfaction. A 2015 study published in Emotion found that individuals who felt appreciated by their partners were more likely to appreciate their partner in return, creating a positive cycle that enhanced relationship quality over time.
4. Foster long-term commitment
Gratitude helps build trust and commitment. Partners who feel appreciated are more likely to stay committed because they perceive the relationship as fulfilling and emotionally supportive. This sense of appreciation acts as a buffer against life’s stresses, making it easier to weather challenges together.
5. Enhance physical and mental well-being
Research shows that gratitude positively affects not only mental well-being but also physical health. In relationships, this can translate into less stress, better communication, and more emotional resilience. The benefits of gratitude ripple out into every aspect of life, creating a happier, healthier relationship dynamic.
The necessity of feeling connected
Feeling connected to your partner is essential for emotional and physical intimacy. Connection is the emotional glue that holds relationships together, fostering mutual support, empathy, and understanding. When partners feel connected, they are more likely to communicate openly, resolve conflicts peacefully, and share their hopes, fears, and dreams. Connection forms the foundation of a strong partnership, allowing each person to feel secure and valued.
A lack of connection, on the other hand, can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, even within the relationship. When partners are emotionally disconnected, they may become more focused on their own needs and frustrations, rather than on nurturing the relationship. This disconnection often leads to misunderstandings, increased conflict, and a sense of drifting apart.
What happens when there isn’t any gratitude?
A lack of gratitude can erode even the strongest of relationships over time. Without appreciation, partners may begin to feel unimportant, unloved, and taken for granted. This emotional neglect often leads to resentment, which, if left unaddressed, can manifest as increased arguments, emotional withdrawal, or even infidelity. Studies have shown that one of the most common reasons couples seek therapy is because they feel underappreciated by their partner.
In relationships where appreciation is absent, partners may start to focus on the negative aspects of each other. Minor annoyances can become major points of contention, leading to frequent conflicts that might have been avoided had appreciation been expressed more regularly. Over time, this creates a toxic cycle of negativity and dissatisfaction, where both partners feel undervalued and misunderstood.
The importance of gratitude in a marriage
Gratitude is vital to maintaining a healthy, long-term marriage. It acts as a counterbalance to the inevitable stresses and challenges that life throws at couples. By regularly expressing appreciation, partners build a strong emotional foundation that can help them navigate difficult times. Without gratitude, marriages are more likely to experience tension, dissatisfaction, and emotional disconnection.
The good news is that gratitude is a skill that can be cultivated. Couples who intentionally practice gratitude can transform their relationship dynamic, leading to greater happiness, intimacy, and commitment. Research by psychologist Sara Algoe suggests that gratitude not only enhances individual well-being but also strengthens the bond between partners by fostering positive feelings and reinforcing prosocial behaviour.
5 acts of daily appreciation
Here are five simple, yet powerful, ways to express gratitude in your relationship:
1. Verbal acknowledgment
Make it a habit to verbally express your appreciation daily. Whether it's for big things like emotional support or small tasks like taking out the trash, let your partner know you notice and value their contributions.
2. Acts of kindness
Show appreciation through thoughtful actions. Surprise your partner with a cup of coffee in the morning, take over a chore they dislike, or plan a small date night. These gestures communicate that you care.
3. Compliments
Compliments don’t just make your partner feel good in the moment—they remind them that they are seen and valued. Make a point to compliment your partner’s appearance, personality, or achievements.
4. Physical affection
Sometimes, gratitude doesn’t need words. A hug, a kiss, or holding hands can communicate appreciation and strengthen emotional bonds.
5. Gratitude journaling
Take a moment each day to write down something you appreciate about your partner. Sharing these thoughts periodically can be a meaningful way to remind them of your love and gratitude.
Gratitude is not just a feel-good emotion; it is a powerful tool that can transform your relationship. By regularly expressing appreciation, couples can fulfill each other’s need for significance, increase emotional connection, and reduce the likelihood of conflict. In a world that often feels rushed and disconnected, taking time to show gratitude can make all the difference in creating a happy, healthy, and long-lasting relationship.
The benefits of daily appreciation are profound and far-reaching. From boosting emotional intimacy to enhancing relationship satisfaction, these small acts of gratitude have the power to shape a relationship for the better. So, why wait? Start practicing these five simple acts of appreciation today and watch your relationship flourish.
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Jane Parker, Relationship Coach
Jane Parker is a Certified Strategic Intervention Advanced Relationship Coach and she works with couples and individuals to guide and empower them to create positive changes in their marriage or relationship.
Her strategies help couples in crisis who may be considering separation or see no other alternative than divorce.
Jane's work helps couples to see the value in their relationship and each other, allowing them to
build upon the foundations of their connection to intentionally create the relationship they desire.
She inspires couples and gives them the tools and skills to create more understanding, connection, and trust within their relationship.
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