Written by: Anton Broers, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Parenting is not about your child. Yes, it is for your child but it is not about your child. Parenting is about you. It is about the parent.
For most people, parenthood is a dream come true. The gift of a child is a blessing. A big blessing. The little one may enter life crying, usually the parents are happy, smiling and shining. Most parents want to be the best parent they can be for their child. But it is not a role you can really train for. Parenthood is a whole new experience. A novel, unknown journey that starts when the child is born. And therefore many new’born’ parents wonder: ‘How can I be the best parent I can be…?’
There is much available information about parenting. There are numerous books. There are numerous courses. There are numerous coaches. But… the focus of almost all of the available guidance is on what to do as a parent. And that is not where the role of the parent starts. Parenting starts with be-ing. Parenting therefore is all about you as the parent. It is all about who you are.
If you truly want to be the best parent for your child, you can benefit from three proven wisdom insights about parenting that I share in this contribution for BRAINZ Magazine.
When does the training of the child begin?
Let me start with a little story to stretch your mind. That is what true wisdom does. Wisdom can help to make you ‘see’ what you did not see before. Wisdom has triggered so many AHA and WOW moments in my mind. Wisdom has truly elevated my mindset and has become the empowering basis for my life. A mind once stretched will never be the same again.
A master is meeting with a large audience and she asks the audience what they would like to talk about. There is a young couple who just had a baby sitting in the front row. The young mum puts up her arm and gets the chance to speak. ‘Can you talk to us about parenthood?’ she asks. ‘Of course,’ the master responds, ‘wonderful topic. Who does not want to be the best parent for her or his child?’ The master is silent for a few seconds and then she speaks again: ‘Let me ask you a question first.’ she says. ‘When does the training of the child begin?’
It is silent for a while and then the first person gives an answer: ‘When the child is born.’ The master remains quiet and waits for more answers. ‘The first few years the child is too young to learn, so I think the training starts when the child is a few years old,’ another person says. Then a third person gets up and says: ‘I have heard that the baby in the womb already picks up the energy of everything that is happening to the mum so probably the training starts soon after inception.’
Now the audience is looking at the master. She looks calmly at the crowd and says: ‘Great answers but they are not right. The training of the child starts around 25 years before the child is born. The training of the child starts with the training of its mum and dad. The training of every child starts with the lessons that its parents have learned. It starts with the beliefs and ideas that its parents have gathered. The training of the child starts with the conditioning of its parents.’
Wisdom insight I – the person that you are will be the parent that you are
Parents who aspire to be the best parent for their child should realise that your child will become like you. Unconsciously you make the child like yourself or you make the child what you would want it to be. You will make your child like you. Maybe you recognise this already, maybe not. Keep on reading.
I have got three power questions that will give you insight in who you are as a person:
Who are you?
What is your training?
What is your mindset conditioning?
Your honest reflections and answers to these questions will give you insight in who you are. Why is that relevant? It is relevant BECAUSE THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE WILL ALSO BE THE PARENT THAT YOU ARE. We don’t live compartmentalised lives. We are not a different person in different circumstances. The person that you are is also the parent you will be.
Parenting is not about the child. Parenting is about you. Who you are will define the parent you will be. And this might not set you up to be the best parent you can be…! No offense, just want to be clear about this point. The current you may not be the best person you can be. It is for your benefit and your child’s benefit to have this awareness.
Wisdom insight II – You can only give what you got
I have lived in Houston, Texas for a while. One day I was driving home in my car and I had to wait in line for a red traffic light. A beggar was waiting at the street corner for the light to be red and then he would approach motorists in their cars for some change. When he came to my car, I opened the window and I said: ‘Good afternoon, how are you?’ The man looked at me and replied: ‘Good afternoon to you, sir, can you spare me some change?’ Yes I could spare some change so I nodded my head and then I reached in my pocket for my wallet. No wallet! I had left my wallet at home and so I did not have any money on me. With a feeling of regret I told the man that I could not give him some change.
Second wisdom insight that applies universally and at any moment: YOU CAN ONLY GIVE WHAT YOU GOT.
This insight is at play to a little donation to a man on the street. It also applies to you. In your life. In your role as a parent. You can only give your child what you got. And I am not talking here about the material wealth and possessions. I am talking here about what you got inside. You can only give your child what you got inside. You can only give who you are.
If you want to give happiness, you first got to be happy yourself.
If you want to give self-confidence, you first got to be self-confident yourself.
If you want to give trust, you first got to be trusting yourself.
If you want to give positivity, you first got to be positive yourself.
If you want to give wisdom, you first got to have wisdom yourself.
If you know what you would like to give to your child, first and foremost you got to make sure that you got that, whatever it is, yourself.
Wisdom insight III – Your greatest gift to your child is to grow yourself
After the master had made it clear that the training of the child starts with the training of the parent, she had spoken about being the best parent you can be. The engagement was coming to an end when she said: ‘I have one more question for all of you: what is the greatest gift that you can give to your child?’
Many answers were exchanged. ‘A car?’, ‘Love?’, ‘Financing of the best studies?’, ‘Support?’, ‘A home?’, ‘Roots and wings?’, ‘Food?’.
The master listened and then she spoke: ‘All good answers but they are not the best gift. The best gift you can give to your child is your own growth and development. The best give is to grow yourself. To elevate yourself. To become a better person. Because when you become a better person you will become a better parent.’
Parenting starts with you. It starts with the person that you are. THE BEST GIFT THEREFORE YOU CAN GIVE TO YOUR CHILD IS TO INVEST YOUR TIME AND EFFORT INTO BECOMING A BETTER PERSON YOURSELF. When you become a better person, automatically you will be a better parent for your child.
Be the best person you can be to be the best parent you can be
Most people want to be the best parent for their child. Being the best parent is not about doing. First and foremost it is about being. Parenting starts with you. It starts with who you are as a person. It is wise to realise that your child will become like you. So the question is: do you have what it is you would like to give to your child?
If you want to be the best possible parent for your child, you first have to become the best person you can be. Parenting starts with growing yourself. The best gift you can give to your child is not about material possessions. It is not about the best schooling or training. The best gift you can give to your child is your own growth and development. To become the best person you can be. When you become the best person you can be, you will be the best parent.
I love children and I would love for every child to have the best parents they can have. And I love parents and I would love for every parent to be the best parent they can be. That is why I train and coach parents how to grow themselves first and thus lay the foundation to be the best parent they can be for their child.
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Anton Broers, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Anton Broers is a leading mindset coach and trainer based in Europe. He is a former senior business leader at a global brand who spent time in Europe, Asia, and the Americas. Anton is a keen student of ancient spiritual wisdom made simple for modern-day application. As the CEO of Mind ur Life in the Netherlands, he helps children, adults, and businesses toward happiness, success, fulfilment, and freedom. Anton’s mission is to introduce the world to the power of the mind to create the life and results we desire.
