Written by: Ali Franks, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
All successful people have a strong sense of confidence. I challenge you to think of someone successful and not confident… It just does not happen.
If success requires confidence, then confidence is an essential ingredient for entrepreneurs, leaders and changemakers! But possibly the most problematic also, as confidence can so often be the one thing we do struggle with.
You may be aware that your lack of confidence is holding you back in your career or standing in the way of you setting up your own business or project, or maybe it is holding you back in your relationships. You may be one of those people who appears confident on the surface but there is little confidence underneath the exterior you present. Maybe you have never really seen yourself as a confident person, but that is just who you are.
Can I let you into a secret?
Confidence is not handed out at birth, with some getting more and others getting less.
It is not predestined or just given to the “lucky ones”.
Confidence is not just something you have, or don’t have.
Confidence is something everyone can have. It is a skill and it can be learnt in the same way that we learn how to brush our teeth or ride a bike.
So why do so many people believe that they are not confident enough?
From my many years as an educator, facilitator and coach, and also from my own lived experience I have come to understand that there is one ubiquitous block to confidence.
What is that block?
Fear.
Fear pops up at every stage on the road to being the most confident version of you. And it is usually fear around other people…
What will other people think?
What will other people say?
What if other people think I am stupid/mad?
What if other people judge me?
What if I upset people?
We are usually so caught up in what other people think of us and our ideas that we cannot even get out of the starting gates.
But when we see it like that, how crazy is it that we are not pursuing our dreams, ideas or visions because of what we are assuming other people may or may not think? (When we dig into most of these fears, we will see that there is little truth or evidence to back them up!)
So here are my seven simple steps to being more confident, overcoming fear and becoming more successful
1. Get clear on your fear
You need to get honest with yourself here. Write down the things that you are really afraid of in terms of being more confident. Think about the nagging fears that are under the surface. When we name our fears we get to see them for what they are. Check through them, are they true or are they based on your assumptions? Doing this exercise can take their power away!
2. ‘What I know about me’
Sit down with a journal and list the positive things that you know about yourself. This may feel a little odd at first but allow yourself the freedom to put anything that comes to mind down, without vetting it. Once you have written everything you can think of down read it back to yourself. Then write it up and stick it somewhere in your house that you will see every day.
Confidence comes from knowing ourselves. Think of it like the foundations of a house, if we have the foundations in place then we can build confidence on top of that.
3. Visualise being the most confident version of you
There is a fantastic body of research to support visualisation as a tool for performance and this evidence-based approach has been widely utilised in the sporting world where world-class athletes use visualisation techniques to improve performance.
Neuroscience tells us that the brain responds in the same way to visualisation as it does to real experience, therefore visualisation can create new neural pathways in the brain without us having to physically do anything! This is an amazing tool for us if we want to build our confidence in a safe and risk-free environment!
Set aside time to visualise an upcoming situation or event where you know you will need to feel highly confident. Carefully imagine this event like a movie playing out in your mind; in this movie, you are the most confident version of yourself you can imagine. To up the ante here try to do this visualisation every day for a week.
4. List your core values
If the things you know about yourself are the foundations of the house, then the core values are the bricks with which you build the house. Taking time to choose your core values can support your confidence as you become better able to articulate who you are and what is important to you. This can give you certainty in your decision-making and confidence in your choices.
5. Get out of your comfort zone
Confidence is a practice which means to grow our confidence we need to do something. Reading about confidence is great, but it will not change your confidence levels – you need to practice confidence if you want it to level up.
Pick a situation that you do not feel confident about. Make sure this is not something that scares you, but something that is just outside of your comfort zone. Use the visualisation process stated above first, and then actually practice – just do it, as the most confident version of yourself. Afterwards take time to reflect: how did it feel and what would you do differently next time? Then set yourself your next practice goal! You’ve got this!
6. Affirm your confidence
Self-talk can have a huge impact on how we feel on a day-to-day basis. Take some time to work out a confidence affirmation that you can remember. This could be something like: ‘I am a confident and capable person’ or ‘I am becoming more confident every day’. Say it daily after you clean your teeth while looking in the mirror. It may feel funny at first, but we say so much negative stuff to ourselves that this is merely readdressing the balance!
7. What’s your why?
When we lack self-confidence, it impacts many parts of our lives: our jobs, relationships, bodies and how we spend our time. Having confident foundations gives us the freedom to choose and live the life we dream of without being disabled by fear.
Alongside these generic benefits from improving your confidence, you need to also work out your motivator, your own “why”. Finding a personal and meaningful reason for doing something means that we are far more likely to achieve it.
So, answer this: if you had more self-confidence how could your life be different?
Ali Franks, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ali Franks is a transformational life coach and a leading practitioner of applied theatre. As a coach Ali helps women find and live their purpose through one to one & group programmes. Ali has over 20 years experience facilitating transformational creative workshops with a diverse range of people. She is an EFT practitioner and a yoga teacher and offers training and wellbeing coaching to organisations as well as being a member of academic staff at University of Wales Trinity Saint David where she teaches others to be skilled creative facilitators.
