Written by: Dannie De Novo, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Ugh. Here it comes, that often-dreaded V-Day. For some, Valentine’s Day is a day riddled with extra errands like stopping to buy flowers, scurrying to find a reservation, or stressing over what to wear. But I don’t think anyone looks forward to heart day less than those who are alone. In fact, new reports out of Harvard suggest that 36% of all Americans—including 61% of young adults—feel “serious loneliness.” That’s a lot of lonely hearts.
When you are unattached, it’s easy to look negatively at a day so focused on romantic love and being part of a couple. However, despite cupid’s seemingly poor aim, you can find ways to remain positive and be happy even when you are feeling lonely. Here are three ways to be happy when you are alone.
1. Be grateful for love, generally
You may be feeling like love has been lost or is just avoiding you together and that the last thing you want to do is “think positive” about love. But, if love is truly what you are after (and we all are), then there is no better way to attract it into your life than by showing love a little love of your own—in the form of gratitude, that is.
When you really look at love, it is hard not to be grateful for it on some level. The beauty of this is that you don’t even need to show any specific person or past relationship (romantic or otherwise) gratitude if you aren’t quite ready to go there. You can just sit and feel gratitude for love – in any form.
I always allow myself a moment of gratitude when I see a young child hugging her mom or siblings tightly. I love to show love a little gratitude when my pup Cali nudges my hand with her wet nose or when my horse Huck puts his head down in my hands asking for a forehead scratch.
Every morning when I walk, I see an older couple strolling together. They always hold hands, and when it rains, he carries an umbrella in the other hand and makes sure his beloved stays dry. If that doesn’t evoke gratitude for love, I don’t know what does.
Give yourself the gift of feeling gratitude every time someone does something unexpectedly kind for you, when you receive a tiny gift, or when a complete stranger allows for some vulnerability and says hello. When you have a sense of gratitude toward love, more love will come into your life – in all its wondrous forms - from new and wonderful places.
2. Focus on your most important relationship
I used to hate that “love yourself” advice that comes out every year around this time. As if getting a facial was going to make up for the fact that I felt alone. Luckily, I had a few people come into my life who made me see the truth—I am deserving of my love more than anyone else in the world is deserving of my love, and so, I had better show myself that love.
When a romantic partner is absent from our lives, we tend to feel as though something is missing. When we aren’t surrounded by friends, we make ourselves believe we “need” something that isn’t there. This sends our brains into fight-or-flight mode and creates anxiety. That’s why we tend to get so upset about feeling lonely along with feeling sad.
The truth is you need nothing if you have the love of and from yourself. Nothing is missing. You are the whole piece, and love coming from another person is never a substitute for your own love.
And when you really embrace this concept, you will soon realize that the relationships in your life serve to make an amazing life just that much better. But they aren’t required for an amazing life.
If you are alone this Valentine’s Day and hurting, try turning your focus toward the relationship with yourself. Understand that you are always loved and that you are always in an amazing relationship. Take good care of that relationship. Nourish your own heart and soul and allow love from external sources to be the icing on the cake!
3. Own Up
This one takes some real self-honesty. Why are you lonely?
What role have you played in your loneliness? Have you cut off ties with people? Have you stopped trying to make new friends? Are you dating or are you just sitting around and complaining about dating?
Then, there is the other end of the spectrum. Sometimes, out of convenience, we surround ourselves with people who make matters worse. We are physically present with others, and yet, we still feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness. We feel like we have nothing in common with these people. We don’t feel heard, seen, or understood by them. This happens when we allow people into our lives for the wrong reasons.
There is something you can do today to help with your feelings of loneliness.
Yes, I know the pandemic has made things difficult. It has also given us a solid excuse to allow ourselves to distance from others. Meeting new people is hard. Letting go of old relationships that no longer serve us is hard. It’s easy not to act. But that inaction is making you sad and lonely.
It might take some time to build up new relationships again, but if you don’t start the process, you will never reach your desired result. Find confidence within the love you carry for yourself and set out to find people with whom you truly belong. Settle for nothing less.
This Valentine’s Day, even if you are alone, embrace love – however you want to define it. Be open to the good that love is. Be grateful for all the love you have (especially from yourself) and all the love yet to come.
I am sending you much love!
Dannie De Novo, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Dannie De Novo is a happiness coach and international bestselling author. After having battled depression and anxiety for most of her early life, Dannie set out on a course to learn what true happiness was for her and for the sake of her baby girl. Now, Dannie regularly appears on ABC, Fox, NBC, and CBS TV news and talk shows as an expert on creating happiness, combating loneliness and depression, and managing anxiety. For more about Dannie De Novo, visit www.DannieDeNovo.com.
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