Written by: Angelina Threadgill, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Becoming a confident mom sounds almost like a dream, doesn’t it? But why is that? Why do we often feel like we fail as moms and question our parenting style?
There are many reasons, but two of the most important ones are our own childhood — the way we were raised and society.
What your childhood has to do with how you raise your toddler, you wonder?
How you were raised has a huge impact on your behavior as a mom and how you perceive your child’s behavior.
You want to make it better than your parents because you didn’t feel taken seriously.
Maybe your parents did let you do whatever you wanted, and you felt lost and want to give your little one more structure now — or the other way around.
So, no matter if you had a wonderful or not so wonderful childhood, it impacts how you want to raise your child, which values you want to teach, and what behavior triggers you.
Now that we know why your own childhood plays into the way you parent, let’s look at why society influences that.
It doesn’t matter if you were a parent 100 years ago or will be in 100 years from now, nor does it matter where you live.
There are always certain expectations for moms that are considered “the norm.” Back in the early 1900s, the roles were clear. The father was responsible for providing for the family while the mother stayed at home and cared for the children and the house.
Do you want a career? Well, that’s not normal. A woman should be at home with the children. At least, this was the widespread opinion at the time.
This point of view surely has shifted since then (fortunately), but the way society works hasn’t changed too much. There is still “the norm” that should be followed.
Like the norm for when you should have children, how many you should have when you should go back to work, and most importantly, how you should raise your children.
“Let your child be independent but make sure it does exactly what you tell them.”
“Let your child form their own opinion and let them make their own decisions, but they can not “act out.”
“Stay at home and be there for your children but go back to work and be emancipated/liberated.”
“Cook fresh every day, keep the house clean, and make this look easy and effortless.”
As you can imagine, this list would be endless.
I’m trying to say that it’s not surprising that it is almost impossible for us moms to feel confident.
But the keyword here is “almost.” It is possible to feel confident as a mom. Yes, for you, too.
The most important thing to do is to find out what your values are and what is important to you — not society, friends, or family — you!
Do you already know the values that are most important to you? Awesome! Now, try to find ways how to pass them on to your toddler.
You are not so sure about what values exactly you prioritize? No problem. Take a pen, paper, and a few minutes and write down what comes to your mind.
Adjectives are a good start, and then put them in word groups. This might help you find what value is most important to you.
For example:
Write: I value when people are;
Kind
Courageous
Caring
Independent
Loving
Kind, caring, and love could be what you value when people show Empathy and think of others.
Courageous and independent can mean that you value when people are confident and believe in themselves.
(This is just an example. Your list might be longer and include things like: punctual, tidy, polite…)
The moment you are sure about what you want as a mom, you will find that making decisions becomes easier because you act on something you can stand behind.
And when you find strategies that work for you and your toddler, you will feel confident as a mom.
When you can stand behind your values and decisions, you can be authentic in your reactions.
For example:
If your toddler takes all the clothes out of their closet to play dress up and you would usually react in anger because they should know not to make a mess. You may find now that you are not angry. You may find that you value your toddler’s creativity, independence, and love for fun more than you care about the mess, and you take the opportunity to spend some quality fun time with your little one.
This is just a small shift in how you see your child and what they do, but it can greatly impact how you feel about it and how it makes you feel as a mom. Not overwhelmed and stressed but relaxed and thriving because you see what your toddler needs and then act on it.
Do you see? It’s possible to be confident as a mom. For you, too!
Angelina Threadgill, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Angelina Threadgill is a German educator, parenting consultant, and mother dedicated to supporting moms of toddlers to achieve a less stressful everyday life without feeling overwhelmed by showing them how to get a better understanding of not only their toddlers but their own behavior and guiding them to a mindful way of parenting without punishment. Over the last decade, Angelina has been working successfully with parents and children between the age of 1 and 6 years in different countries and from different cultures. Her focus is always on finding behavioral strategies that are individually tailored to the needs of the mothers and their toddlers. Angelina has a German degree in education and further education as a practical guide for prospective educators and fluent in German and English.
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