Written by: Anne Hellgren, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Using self-awareness and the Law of Attraction, this article will provide you with great relationship advice on how to manifest a better relationship whether you are in a relationship, or single and looking for your ideal partner.
As a Relationship Coach, I’m often asked “How do I attract the right kind of a person into my life?” or “How can I make my relationship better with my partner?” I have found that these two questions have one fundamental thing in common the need to know who they are authentically at their core and understand what their needs are. Without knowing who you truly are, and what truly makes you happy, you cannot really expect to know what you need in a relationship or in an ideal partner.
Let’s first look at what we mean by self-awareness. According to PositivePsychology.com, “self-awareness is the ability to see yourself clearly and objectively through reflection and introspection.” This means our ability to know who we truly are, our good, bad, and everything in-between. We can do this by taking the time to honestly and objectively examine our wants, needs, values, and beliefs. I think this should be done while considering a couple of influencing factors. For one, we are all preconditioned by our upbringing, society, culture, and religious or spiritual beliefs, amongst many other factors. This is true for everyone to some degree, no matter who you are and where on the planet you live.
There are many benefits to having self-awareness, in and out of our intimate and non-intimate relationships. For example, it can make us better communicators- not just with others but with what we say to ourselves too. It can increase our confidence, self-control, self-esteem, empathy, and decision-making process. These are all great benefits to having self-awareness, so the question is, how can you use self-awareness to attract your ideal partner? How can you improve your current relationship so you have a happier and more loving relationship?
Have you experienced or are currently experiencing some of the below thoughts or feelings?
I can’t find the kind of partner that I want.
Things always go wrong in my relationships.
I’m not 100% sure what I want/need in a partner or relationship.
I’m feeling lost and tired in my relationship.
I’m sick of dating the wrong people or having dysfunctional relationships.
Here are 3 key points that will help you on your journey to a more loving, fulfilling, passionate, and desired relationship!
1. Understanding who you authentically are and determining the feeling you are after.
Too often we get into relationships before we even truly understand who WE are. If asked, how many of us truly know who we are when stripped of the unwanted programming of culture, society, upbringing, etc as mentioned above? How much of you is authentically you, as opposed to who you are expected to be, or are told you should be and behave? Only when we do this work and strip all these norms placed on us by others, do we really show up as who we really are.
I believe that part of gaining self-awareness also means being able to identify what feelings you want to experience within yourself and in the relationship itself. Take the time to determine what those feelings are for you. This is powerful and can really give you self-clarity which will shift how you show up in all areas of your life! Listen to episode 2 of my podcast, The Love You Want- It starts with you, titled “Why You MUST Have Self-Clarity in Your Relationships!”
2. Understand the difference between your Wants vs Needs.
During coaching, I will always ask my clients “What do you want in your relationship?” Typically the client will make a list of what they think they want. I then ask, what do they NEED? And the confusion on their face is apparent, as they seem to be the one and the same thing. I explain that what we WANT is a long list - no judgment. But what we NEED is usually different though it can be formed from our want list. Our needs are things we must have in the relationship to be happy and fulfilled. These are qualities, values, attributes, behaviors, etc that form what we consider essential in a relationship. These are things that we should not negotiate on. Without our needs being met- we are headed for frustration, resentment, and ultimately separation.
Our wants on the other hand are things that would be desirable but if lacking, would not have a fundamental impact on the survival or happiness of the relationship. These we can and often should negotiate on, or at least be flexible on. So for example, if religious faith is not very important to you, but is for your partner, then you might allow your partner to raise your children in their faith. However, if your religion forms a core of who you are and how you want to raise your children, you may want to clearly communicate this as one of your needs. And preferably as soon as possible, not 5 years into the relationship with a pregnancy bump…
If you would like some help around understanding who you truly are and getting clarity around your wants vs needs, please schedule a time to speak with me here.
3. Create your best future self
One of the most famous proponents of the Law of Attraction was Abraham Hicks. She explains that every thought you have, positive or negative, creates a vibration that attracts things into your life. In the same manner that we wish to attract better jobs, more money, better health, success, etc we can also use it to attract the kind of relationships we desire.
However, the Law of Attraction also states that we attract what we vibrate. So to attract happy and loving relationships, we must first work on being in a place where we can radiate happiness, love, and everything else we wish to attract. Sound like a lot? It may seem difficult but being able to get clear on what your best future self looks like, then working on yourself to attain those traits and values is a good start. This will help you get clarity on who you need to be to attract what you desire in return! Remember, the universe gives you what you focus on and what you believe about yourself, not necessarily what you ask for.
If you or anyone you know has struggled in finding your ideal partner or is struggling in your current one, please reach out to me at anne@annehellgren.com or find out more about my coaching services on my website.
If you are unsure of whether Relationship Coaching is right for you, please feel free to listen to this episode of The Love You Want Podcast on Why Seeking Professional Help When You Need It Is A Must!
Anne Hellgren, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Anne is the Founder of Anne Hellgren Coaching, a Relationship Expert, Certified Coach, Board Member & Podcast Host. She helps people live fulfilled, successful, and joyful lives through their relationship with themselves- and others.
Her expertise has helped her clients to gain the Confidence, Clarity, Communication, Connections, and Mindset that have changed their relationships and many other areas of their lives. Her Podcast 'The Love You Want- It starts with you', has a global audience and is ranked as one of the most shared podcasts globally by Spotify.
Anne works with her clients on a deep level because she has experienced most of what she helps others through. Her own life experiences of past bad, abusive, and toxic relationships, as well as a contentious divorce, provide a level of understanding and empathy that is much valued by those she helps. She has combined her life experiences with her qualifications, that is, an MSc in Occupational & Organisational Psychology, a BSc in Counselling Psychology, NLP, and Time-Line Therapy practices, amongst other qualifications, to create very impactful and empowering coaching programs. Being able to create bespoke programs for her client's exact needs is one of her many areas of expertise.
