Written by: Wendy J Olson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I sat in my therapist's office. Well, one of them. I’ve been too many. She asked me about my anxiety. I’d only been able to name what I was feeling as anxiety in the last few years. For most of my life, I’d just called myself a worrier. A third-generation worrier who feared just about everything and thought the shoe, the piano, and the anvil were all about to drop at any given second.
She asked me plainly what gave me anxiety today, as she saw me out of breath and showing signs of hyper-arousal. I told her, ‘This.’ She said, ‘What? Therapy?’ ‘No,’ I said. ‘This appointment. Any appointment, really.’ She had a strange look on her face, but one I recognized as confusion. I’d obviously just said something that wasn’t normal. I was starting to get used to these looks, and they always left me feeling more aware of how anxious I actually was. I guess I didn’t have a hold on this “anxiety thing” as much as I thought. ‘That’s not normal, is it?’
‘No, honey. That’s anxiety.’ This much I knew, but I didn’t know how to make it go away. Honestly, I’d lived a really anxious life and a pretty stressful one since I could remember. My carefree days were left back home on Long Island with my grandparents in my childhood home. I’d left there the summer before I turned 9. Now here I was, quickly approaching forty and not able to handle one appointment in a day. And it wasn’t even an early one! It was a 1 pm appointment. God help us if I had scheduled an 8 am appointment. As the months went by and I tried new therapies, the one thing I kept going back to was my story. My story had so much to teach me. And while I’d lived a fair portion of my life believing I knew my story (abuse, sexual assault, more abuse, neglect,) I was beginning to realize that this story of mine wasn’t in fact in my past. It was in my present.
“The past isn’t dead. It isn’t even past.” ‒ William Faulkner
I started doing story work as a modality for healing in November 2018 after I was encouraged by a friend to look into the work. The modality was created by Dan Allender of The Allender Center in the SeattleSchool of Psychology and Theology. I instantly became a fan. I devoured Dan’s book, “To Be Told,” in twenty-four hours.
And then I got to work. I was taking classes and courses, listening to podcasts, and soon leading a group of women through story work themselves. I found it so interesting, so healing. There was finally peace in a part of my life. Don’t get me wrong, this was no miracle cure, and I still experience anxiety. But the pieces of myself it gave me back were real and tangible. I had more peace. I had more space to be myself but, moreover, discover who I actually was. Before I did story work, I was living out a narrative of what others had told me I was. And worse, I believed them. I believed what people said about me, and I took that on as part of my persona. After diving into stories around my family of origin, I came to the realization of the part I played as the Performer. This role may sound familiar to many of you, as you become an integral part of your family’s dynamic. I was not only expected to be perfect but also expected to stay on my pedestal.
Talk about pressure! No wonder I had anxiety.
Had I not been able to name the ways in which I operated in my family of origin, I would’ve never realized this about myself. And it wasn’t just me in the trenches. I had company. An essential part of story work is having someone to “read” you. A story sage. Someone who has done the work and maybe just a few steps ahead of you that can guide you on this healing path.
It’s proven that we are wired for connection. From birth to death, we need relationships. And what better way to heal than in a relationship with someone who offers you kindness and care while walking through the darkest parts of your soul? These people see you well. They offer you containment. They offer you attunement. They offer you repair. Something you may have never been offered before by others. It’s refreshing and nourishing for the soul.
One of my favorite things about being a healing coach is watching the ice melt. Every once in a while, I’ll get someone in a Story Group that I’m hosting who just doesn’t want to be seen. It’s like they showed up to a party because a friend told them they had to, but they were determined not to have fun. They tell a story, but only in a way that has a happy ending. Or they solve their own problem by the end of their narrative. These are the people who want help but don’t know how to ask for it. Maybe they’ve never been allowed to. They want to know themselves, but they’re scared. That’s totally normal.
And then, one day, the ice melts, and they let themselves be seen. It’s beautiful.
That’s the day the tears come, the healing comes. That’s the day they finally experience freedom. I live for those days.
If you’re ready to embark on your healing journey, would you let me be your guide? I’d love to meet with you and discuss an action plan. Maybe your anxiety is driving the bus, and you’re ready to get off. Maybe you’re someone who knows they’ve experienced severe trauma, but you’re just trying to leave it all behind. Maybe now you realize you can’t. I’d love to be your guide on this journey. Let’s walk and talk together. Let’s find some peace and healing in your life.
Follow me on Tiktok, Instagram, Linkedin, and visit my website for more info!
Wendy J Olson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Wendy J Olson is a healing coach, founder, and president of Grit Plus Gumption Farmstead. Wendy believes in the power of stories to change and shape people's lives. She walks with women through their stories of past hurts and traumas and guides them to find their own freedom and healing. Through Grit plus Gumption, she serves survivors of sexual exploitation and domestic violence. Having applied all she teaches to her own life as a survivor herself, she is able to guide women with kindness and grace, showing them there is always more freedom to be had in one’s life. She believes everyone has a story, and even if that story is really hard, it doesn't mean the rest of the story has to be.
