Written by: Ashley Tilson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It was no easy task… Having suffered from and witnessed various forms of abuse in the family home, it took me until the age of 28 to finally speak my truths. Despite being in and out of different forms of therapy starting at the age of 12, I was still too terrified to be “the whistleblower”. The militant, raging father of mine had his ways of making sure us kids kept our mouths shut. So when I finally took some needed advice to remove myself from the family and finally be honest with my therapists, the veil started to lift and for the first time in my life, I saw the truth for what it really is. Every excuse about it all being “normal childhood discipline” and having my parents unmet potentials being projected onto me as expectations was suddenly shattered. But then that left me wondering who I was… All the therapy helped me see through the darkness, but it only had me kicking myself in the butt for spending the first 27 years of my life living a lie. So I asked: what could release a person from all those circumstances and set them free?
My life’s experiences caused me to spend a lot of my time, energy, and money catering to needs I could never fulfill. The price of all that was constantly leaving my wants & needs out of the picture, and all the expectations placed on me had me working corporate jobs that I secretly hated doing. Every job I had sent me into a vicious cycle of harboring negative feelings while painting on a grin, and working to gain promotions and prove I was meant to be there.. but then I would have a mental breakdown that saw me finding cause to quit the job. Rinse, and repeat. I began to resent people that knew exactly what they wanted from an early age – but that was only until it was explained to me that I never had the choice and freedom to figure that out for myself.
From a science & medical standpoint, trauma at an early age actually stunts developmental growth, which leads to mental distortions and brainwashing through believing that it’s perfectly “normal” to have such experiences and circumstances in life. But what is “normal”? Frankly, I’ve come to believe that’s a term that should be thrown out the window…
So I spent 3 years in various forms of therapy and reached a point where I was authentically sharing my story, all to end up asking where the finality was. How can I release myself from the past and begin anew? No matter who I talked to – whether it was a life coach, psychotherapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist – I was told that there was nothing more that they could offer me. Learning to journal every day, actively use CBT, and become comfortable talking about my traumatic experiences seemed to be the end. But it wasn’t enough to feel safe starting my newfound life.
This is why I ended up going to see my first psychic – literally asking for a divine answer on what the purpose of all this abuse was. And where that was supposed to lead me…
I started out by receiving Reiki.. and even though I was a complete skeptic, it began to change my life. My anxiety was relieved, the energetic attachment to my abusers became distant, and my buried intuitive abilities (which I realized kept me from commiting suicide throughout the years even though I secretly wanted my life to end) boiled to the surface. Through working with my first Intuitive Healer, I ended up discovering that the only way to take these experiences and create something positive out of them was to use my lived experience to help others see the light. It started to come together, but it wasn’t until I pursued further training that I ended up becoming someone that I honestly never imagined I could be.
It’s a modality and understanding that the world of psychology is starting to embrace – Inner Child work. The truth is that we ALL have our childhood self buried deep within us, in our subconscious. Many feed this without even realizing it by taking time to enjoy playfulness as an adult. As adults, we all get so caught up in our responsibilities and obligations that we forget to have fun.. and this leads to burnout. Yet as a neglected and abused child, they’re often forgotten. We don’t want to revisit the younger version of ourselves because we fear facing the past, but the truth is that by doing so, we can actually nurture them and set them free!
Inner Child work is a process that starts with the recognition that they’re there... And that even though we can’t turn back time and right the wrongs, we CAN actually make up for the pain in the now. How we treat ourselves has everything to do with how we heal our internal wounds, and this spiritual form of healing moved mountains for me. Through the course of working with my Inner Child, I was able to get her to trust me (she didn’t because I wanted to ignore her for so long), and eventually – she took my hand and said that together, we were ready to face the trauma. We screamed at our abusers (something we couldn’t do at the time), we recognized our innocence and vulnerability that washed away all guilt and shame we took upon ourselves, and we merged as one. With that process complete, and along with some Ego Alchemy (Shadow Work) to rewrite the negative self-talk caused by the trauma, I saw myself do a complete 180 that had me roaring like a lion instead of hiding in the locked bedroom from my childhood.
With this integration having taken place, I dropped the act that was my “painted grin” while doing things I didn’t actually want to do. I renewed my connection with the creative childhood activities I had long forgotten about, I started taking actions based on what I wanted and needed, and it was suddenly a daily priority to have fun and use humor to lighten situations that would otherwise have my mind spinning out of control. In the long run, it meant that I was finally, and purposely, realigning with the hidden desires that my trauma taught me to ignore.
To say it was freeing is an understatement… but only upon completing this process did I realize how transformative it is! Instead of constantly worrying about how I would be perceived and how I should handle myself as an adult, I began enjoying life (for what was the first time). And along with my Inner Child, I am no longer afraid of the shadows from my past that followed me around – in fact, they dissipated because of the new strength I built up as a result. This is why I became so focused and passionate about creating Trauma Recovery programs using the mixture of modalities that I used on myself, and I will always stand by my discovered faith in alternative / spiritual healing, because it completed the therapy when I thought there was nothing more that could be done. If you’re ready to embark on your transformation and break free from the past, then don’t hesitate to share your story with me – I can show you how you can write a new story that elevates you beyond all the negativity that your trauma has caused!
Ashley Tilson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ashley Tilson is an emerging Intuitive Healer that specializes in trauma, abuse, and addictions recovery. Using a combination of her lived experience with childhood abuse and addictions, her takeaways from therapy (journaling, CBT, peer mentoring), and her training in holistic healing modalities, she delivers 1-on-1 sessions and programs that are designed to release clients from the past and begin their lives anew with pure authenticity and happiness. She's a graduate & mentor of the High Priestess Ascension Academy, a registered Reiki Practitioner with the Canadian Reiki Association, a volunteer with her local Victim Services unit, and the Founder & Writer of www.EmpathConfessions.com. Ashley welcomes all to connect with her through her free online consultation calls and workshops!
