Written by Jen Legaspi, Master Life Coach
Jen Legaspi is a trauma-informed, certified Master Life Coach, author of Brave Wise Woman, and yoga teacher. She helps women business owners who are feeling overwhelmed or stuck in self-doubt find their confidence, increase self-trust, and manage stress. Her coaching helps them reconnect with themselves so they can make clear, grounded decisions and thrive personally and professionally.
You have been thinking about pitching your services to a prospect who would be a great fit for your business. But instead of reaching out, you question whether your offer is strong enough, if you have enough experience, or if they will even be interested. So you drop the idea.
This is self-doubt at work. And it is sneaky. It can convince you to step back before you even start, preventing you from acting at all. It creeps in through overthinking, perfectionism, and second-guessing, even when you are more than capable. In this article, explore the role of self-doubt, its connection to your nervous system, and four practical steps to breaking the cycle.
Self-doubt feels safe
Self-doubt is the persistent questioning of your abilities, decisions, and even your sense of worth. It can feel safer to doubt yourself than to pitch a prospect and risk failure, rejection, or disappointment. This makes sense. Self-doubt is not just an “I cannot do this. What was I thinking?” mindset. It is a safety strategy rooted in your nervous system. After all, your nervous system’s primary job is to keep you safe from threats.
Self-doubt and nervous system survival responses
When faced with a real or perceived threat, your body launches into a biochemical response designed to protect you. Stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol are released, preparing you to either react or conserve energy. This response is regulated by the nervous system and typically falls into one of four patterns:
Fight. Energy that mobilizes you to confront a challenge head-on.
Flight. Energy that mobilizes you to escape or avoid discomfort.
Freeze. Energy that immobilizes you, leading to feelings of being stuck or paralyzed.
Fawn. A combination of immobilizing and mobilizing energy. It begins with a freeze response, followed by appeasing others to avoid conflict and regain a sense of safety.
Self-doubt often aligns with the freeze or fawn response, when you are stuck in hesitation or people-pleasing rather than taking direct action. It can also show up as overthinking, which is linked to the flight response. This might look like constantly researching, planning, or second-guessing, looping through possible outcomes, doubting past choices, and endlessly refining decisions instead of taking action.
While self-doubt can also manifest as a fight response, such as through perfectionism and trying to prove yourself, or as other flight responses, like changing plans to avoid discomfort, freeze and fawn tend to be the most common. Both involve hesitation and a fear of making the wrong move.
Self-doubt does not exist in a vacuum. While anyone can experience it, women often receive subtle and direct messages that encourage second-guessing and playing it safe. From a young age, girls are conditioned to be likable and agreeable, avoiding overt confidence or assertiveness at school and at home. Being punished for making mistakes or failing to meet expectations can further reinforce these patterns. This not only fuels the need to adapt to fit in but also threatens one of our core human needs, belonging. This, in turn, triggers a nervous system response to help you stay safe.
Over time, self-doubt can begin to feel like a natural response to challenges, including how you build your business, rather than a learned behavioral pattern.
The self-doubt cycle
As we have seen, self-doubt is often rooted in the need to stay safe. This need can trigger a cycle that keeps you stuck in hesitation and overthinking. Your nervous system plays a key role in reinforcing this cycle. It responds to your thoughts, emotions, actions, and even external feedback. The more you engage in behaviors like over-preparing and second-guessing, the more your nervous system interprets these actions as protective, even though they ultimately keep you from moving forward.
Over-preparing looks like spending excessive time researching, refining your presentation, rewriting your emails until they are “just right,” or anticipating every possible question. These actions might seem helpful at first, but this level of perfectionism is actually a coping mechanism. It is your nervous system trying to control the discomfort of underlying stress or fear. While it might offer a temporary sense of safety, the more you try to “get it perfect,” the more you reinforce the belief that you are not enough. This creates a feedback loop where doing more feels safer, but it deepens the cycle of hesitation and self-doubt.
Second-guessing often follows, leading you to imagine worst-case scenarios or question your decisions and abilities. The more you hesitate or delay action, the more your nervous system signals that stepping forward is unsafe. Over time, this cycle strengthens, making it harder to trust yourself.
Self-doubt is not just a habit; it is a nervous system loop. It can feel automatic, but understanding how it is reinforced can help you begin to disrupt it.
Disrupting the cycle
When self-doubt becomes your default pattern, it can feel like a self-imposed prison. It keeps you from putting yourself out there, charging what you are worth, or seizing new opportunities. The good news is that you can start empowering yourself to disrupt the cycle with a few practical steps.
1. Notice your somatic response to self-doubt
Because self-doubt has roots in the nervous system, there is a physical, not just mental, component to this pattern. This aspect often gets overlooked because it can be easy to get caught up in the stories we tell ourselves about our abilities and worth.
Instead of focusing on the stories, notice the tension that arises in the body. Pay attention to your breath and heartbeat patterns. When I experience self-doubt, I notice a sensation that rises from my core up to my throat. My face freezes like a deer in headlights, and I feel tension in my chest. You will have your own unique body-based response.
Ask yourself, “What threat is my nervous system responding to? Is that threat real or perceived? Is it tied to my past, or is it happening in the present?" These questions can help you separate past experiences from current circumstances. This will give you a clearer understanding of whether the threat is something you need to actively respond to or if it is rooted in old fears or patterns.
Identifying your somatic, or body-based, responses is key to beginning to break the cycle.
2. Tend to your nervous system
Once you identify how self-doubt manifests in your body, tend to your nervous system in a gentle way. This signals to your body that you are safe and helps reduce stress. When we are in a fear-driven state due to a real or perceived threat, it is harder to think clearly and make decisions that align with our true intentions and desires. In this state, we may push through to “figure it out” and “get it right” by overthinking and second-guessing or getting stuck in inaction. Either way, we are unconsciously seeking safety, and you can offer that to your nervous system.
When you experience self-doubt, one simple way to create safety is by orienting yourself to your surroundings through your senses. Look around your space and name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This exercise grounds you in the present moment and reminds your body that you are in a safe space; no active threat is present. You can even say, “I am safe at this moment,” to yourself.
Gentle movement can also help calm your nervous system. Stepping away from your screen and walking around the block, stretching, or shaking your body out all encourage energy to move through your system and release tension.
Finally, you can combine awareness of any discomfort or tension with something soothing, either in your physical space or in your mind. For example, as you notice sensations of stress in your body, bring your attention to something that makes you feel comforted, like the warmth of sunlight on your skin, the sound of calming music, or a real or imagined peaceful place. Pairing the discomfort of stress with a sense of safety helps signal to your body that calm is possible, even in moments of tension.
Your ability to feel good about your choices is directly connected to your ability to tend to your nervous system, creating a foundation for clearer, more confident decisions.
3. Reframe what it means to fail
When self-doubt holds you back from going after what you want, it can be useful to get curious about your relationship with failure. When you make a mistake or fail, what do you make it mean about you? Often, the answer ties back to past experiences. Maybe you grew up with messages that made you believe failure was unacceptable. Perhaps mistakes meant you would not receive love, approval, or belonging. These fears were valid for your younger self, who depended on others for survival.
But as an adult, you can ask yourself, “Is this belief still serving me?” Failure is not a statement about your worth; it is feedback. It shows you what is working and what is not so you can learn and pivot. Instead of seeing failure as proof that you are not capable, try asking, “What can I learn from this? How can this experience help me grow?”
Do not forget to comfort the younger version of yourself. A simple acknowledgment of her fears can make all the difference. Ask what she needs most in this moment, perhaps reassurance, kindness, or a hug, and offer it to her now. Giving yourself the care you once needed is a powerful way to start rewriting the story of failure and self-worth.
4. Experiment with small risks
When you have experienced chronic self-doubt, it can feel like an invisible force is steering your business decisions. This force can hold you back from charging your worth, putting your work out there, or pursuing new opportunities. Regaining your personal power comes from learning to take steps outside your comfort zone. Most of what is holding you back is likely tied to old fears and patterns that no longer serve you. So instead of keeping yourself small or waiting until you feel completely ready, what if you took a small risk that stretched you just enough without overwhelming your nervous system?
For example:
If you tend to hesitate before pitching your services, start by drafting a rough outline of what you would say without worrying about perfecting it. Then practice saying it out loud to yourself or a trusted friend.
If you avoid talking about your business online because you worry about what others will think, try writing a post that you do not publish yet, just to get comfortable with expressing yourself.
If you hold back from raising your prices, experiment by writing down what you wish you could charge, just to see how it feels. Then practice saying the new rate out loud before testing it with a lower stakes client or project.
With small moments like these, you begin to build evidence that self-doubt does not mean you are not capable or worthy. With each step forward, your self-trust grows, not by eliminating doubt, but by taking action anyway and seeing that you can handle the outcome.
Build self-trust from the inside out
Chronic self-doubt is not a flaw; it is a survival response. But you are not stuck. The path to greater self-trust starts with understanding how your body and mind work together. Tending to your nervous system in small but intentional ways allows you to begin breaking the cycle. This week, when self-doubt shows up, pause and notice how it feels in your body. Instead of getting caught up in the story, ask yourself, “What is one small action I can take right now to remind myself that I am safe, capable, and enough?”
Ready to break free from the cycle of self-doubt? I’m currently accepting new clients for private coaching. Visit my website to schedule a complimentary call —even if you’re unsure whether it’s the right time or worried you don’t have it all figured out. You don’t have to. Let’s explore what’s possible for you, together.
Read more from Jen Legaspi
Jen Legaspi, Master Life Coach
Jen Legaspi is a trauma-informed, certified Master Life Coach, author of Brave Wise Woman, and yoga teacher. She helps women business owners who are feeling overwhelmed or stuck in self-doubt find their confidence, increase self-trust, and manage stress. Her coaching helps them reconnect with themselves so they can make clear, grounded decisions and thrive personally and professionally.
As a fellow traveler on this path, Jen frees herself from the trap of perfectionism and people-pleasing while cultivating greater self-trust and inner security. She has gone from chronic self-doubt to gaining the confidence to write a book about her healing, change careers, live solo in Mexico, and open her heart to love again after 50—all following a painful divorce.
