Written by Sophie K, Vitality Coach
Sophie K is a joy-seeker, an entrepreneur, vitality coach and the founder of The Thrive Guide. She has made it her mission to help busy people have more time for joy, the things and people that are important to them. Her programs help her clients to ditch the old paradigm of survival, hustle and burn out in a fun and empowering way.
Do you find yourself constantly saying yes to requests, even when it's inconvenient or stressful? Are you afraid of disappointing others, even at the expense of your own well-being? If so, you may be a people-pleaser.
People-pleasing is a common behavior, but what if that constant need to please everyone actually hurts your relationships and, ultimately, your business?
In this article, we'll explore the hidden costs of people-pleasing and offer strategies to upgrade the results you get in your relationships and your business. Buckle up because it's time to break the cycle of people-pleasing!
How people pleasing impacts your business
Consider the case of Alex, a graphic designer running a small design agency. Alex was always willing to go the extra mile for his clients, often working late nights and weekends to meet their demands. While this initially helped him build a reputation for exceptional service, the strain of constantly saying yes began to take a toll.
Alex's workload became overwhelming, leading to decreased productivity, errors in his work, and a decline in the quality of his designs. He found himself feeling resentful towards clients, not enjoying his work anymore and stressed all the time. As a result, his business started to suffer. His reputation for reliability took a hit, and clients began to question his ability to meet deadlines.
People-pleasing can seem harmless, even helpful to others. However, research shows that it can have a significant negative impact on our mental and physical well-being, which is far beyond personal stress and burnout. Here are some specific examples of how people-pleasing can hurt the profitability of your business:
Decreased productivity: When you're constantly saying yes to everyone, it's difficult to focus on the most important tasks. This can lead to decreased productivity and missed deadlines.
Lower quality work: When you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it's more difficult to produce high-quality work. This can damage your reputation and lead to lost business.
Negative impact on relationships: People-pleasing can lead to resentment and strained relationships with clients, employees, and colleagues.
Missed opportunities: When you're too busy trying to please everyone, you may miss out on valuable opportunities to grow your business.
The reason we people-please
The root of people-pleasing lies in the depths of our self-worth and self-confidence. Somewhere deep down, someone who people please believes that if they don’t do what the other person wants, the other person will think of them less, like them less, and respect them less.
Essentially, people pleasers subconsciously believe that saying no means the loss of love, validation, and/or connection with another person.
What is even more interesting is that many people who break out of their people-pleasing habits report the direct opposite happening to their relationships. They become healthier, more respectful, less dramatic and more fulfilling over time.
This belief that saying no means the loss of the relationship in some way, is likely to be based on a childhood experience in response to a specific scenario or person and their behaviour.
People-pleasing is a learnt behaviour, a protective mechanism, to keep us safe from a perceived loss of love or safety in the relationship.
Here are some common reasons why we people-please
Fear of rejection: The thought of someone being disappointed in us can be paralyzing.
Low self-esteem: We might believe our own needs aren't important enough to prioritize.
Need for approval: We crave external validation to feel good about ourselves.
Fear of conflict: Saying no can feel confrontational, so we avoid it at all costs.
The vicious cycle of people-pleasing
The constant act of putting others first creates a vicious cycle of stress in our personal and professional lives. The more we people-please, the more stressed and overwhelmed we become. This, in turn, affects our ability to manage difficult as well as basic life and business situations effectively, leading to even more stress continuing the cycle.
Stress can be very harmful to the success of our business as it can impair our decision-making, lower creativity, and overall productivity. Read my recent article I published on this topic.
Strategies to ditch the people-pleasing
The key to overcoming people-pleasing is to strengthen your self-worth and learn to set healthy boundaries. Here are some actionable steps you can take:
Identify your triggers: What situations or people make you feel like you have to say yes?
Practice saying no: No is a complete sentence! Start with small, polite refusals and build your confidence.
Focus on self-care: Prioritize your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Exercise, eat healthy, and schedule time for activities that nourish all parts of you.
Communicate clearly: When setting new boundaries and saying no to things when we have previously said yes, it can come as a shock to the other person with whom we have a personal or professional relationship. Communicate clearly and confidently why you are unable to follow their request.
Focus on win-win solutions: Get creative. Can you find a way to accommodate your client's needs without sacrificing your well-being?
Breaking free from people-pleasing can be challenging at first, of course, but it will ultimately be worth it.
Trust the process.
You got this!
Remember, ditching those people-pleasing habits will be beneficial in the long term for you and for others, and a happy and healthy you is a better leader, partner, family member, friend, and business owner.
Want to begin the journey with support from someone who has walked the path already? Get in touch by clicking here to receive a complimentary discovery session to find out if working with me is for you.
Sophie K, Vitality Coach
Sophie K is a joy-seeker, an entrepreneur, vitality coach and the founder of The Thrive Guide. She has made it her mission to help busy people have more time for joy, the things and people that are important to them. Her programs help her clients to ditch the old paradigm of survival, hustle and burn out in a fun and empowering way.
