Written by: Alysha Smith, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
How many of you knew from a young age that you wanted children one day? As a young girl, I knew that my “life’s plan” would include children someday, but I didn’t realize that by actually having a child, it would lead me down a road of healing I never knew I needed (allow me to explain).
The day I found out I was pregnant, I was overwhelmed with joy, but it was also met with feeling petrified. Early into my pregnancy, my physical body changed drastically, quickly, and people began to notice. Comments such as “your hips are bigger” and “you are carrying a lot of water weight” were expressed throughout my pregnancy. This was triggering, heartbreaking and hurtful to hear for someone who was “silently grieving” the entire nine months.
YES, you heard me correctly, I was grieving, in silence. Through my grief, my pain, and my triggers that helped me recognize a wounded little girl within me and through conceiving and mothering my baby, it brought me to healing.
On one hand, I was grateful that my body was healthy enough to carry and grow this magnificent human being. On the other hand, I was grieving the loss of my body, identity, sleep, freedom, finances, time, dignity, and intimate connections. I came to a harsh realization that many parts of me were still unhealed.
So how did motherhood help me heal? Becoming a mother to my beautiful baby girl made me realize that my own inner child was wounded and screaming for help. I became self-aware and paid attention to my triggers. My triggers helped me understand that it was significant for me to heal my old wounds so that I didn’t pass them along to my daughter. Becoming a mother helped me reveal the following parts of me that required significant healing:
learning to regulate my emotions
learning patience
healing people-pleasing behaviors
healing the part of me that didn’t feel worthy
healing the approval-seeking behaviors
learning how to create healthy boundaries in my life
working through my suppressed anger and resentment
learning how to trust
healing my need for approval, love, and codependency
My daughter depends on me. She relies on me for comfort, for love, for affection, for learning, for growth, and so it is my obligation to heal these parts of me so that my daughter has a clean slate to work from in her life. My daughter chose me to be her mom, and it is up to me to show up for her as the healed version of myself.
Steps to healing your wounded inner child:
1. Pay attention to your triggers
2. Pay attention to your current patterns/behaviors that are no longer serving you
3. Choose appropriate tools that support your unique form of healing
4. Permit yourself to do the deep, hard, inner work. Choose to break generational cycles.
5. Be gentle with yourself while healing your inner wounded child
6. Take your power back by taking responsibility for your actions that may have caused harm to yourself or your loved ones. Do this through apology, forgiveness, and expressing all of the unsaid things you have held onto within your being
7. Release and let go so your heart can be free from the pain, resentment, anger, sadness, and heartache, and so you can live from a place of gratitude and love.
Let’s show up with compassion, knowing that most humans are walking around with grief, pain, unhealed pieces, emotions, thoughts that contribute to their behaviors, and how they show up in the world. One of the best things you can do for your children and your relationships is heal yourself from the losses, pain, heartache, and grief within your soul. Remember that life is happening for you, not to you, and there are many blessings hidden within our circumstances. Permit yourself to heal the wounded child that has been silenced for too long. You deserve healing. You matter. Your heart matters. There has never been a better time than right now to choose the path of healing.
- Alysha Smith, Grief Goddess
Alysha Smith, Executive Contributor, Brainz Magazine
Alysha Smith is an Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist whose purpose is to support others on their unique healing journeys through grief and loss. After experiencing unique losses in Alysha’s life, including abandonment, death, grief within pregnancy, and grief within living relationships, she decided to take action towards healing her heart from the pain, anger, sadness, and resentment she had carried for years. After using her Social Work degree for four years, Alysha ventured into business on her own to provide tools for healing and transformation to clients on a deeper level and is referred to as a Grief Goddess. Alysha is also a devoted mother and the author of New Beginnings. Writing New Beginnings played a significant role in Alysha’s unique healing journey. Alysha lives her passion and purpose every day and shows up as a beacon of love and light in the world.
