Written by: Amelia Harshfield, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
INFPs are deeply caring people. They have strong ideas of how the world should work because that reflects their inner values. They care about how people treat each other to live mutually beneficially. They want the world to be a better place for all.
However, INFPs can get frustrated by other people not treating them with the same respect as they are treating others. They may feel hurt when they have to tolerate other's behavior that they would never do. They may be willing to give people chances to change and find others just cut them out when they do something wrong. This can leave them feeling hurt and unconsidered. The good news is that they have the power to address these feelings without losing everything around them. This can help them be happier in their relationships, be more confident speaking up for themselves, and feel a deeper layer of reciprocation from others. They just need to practice the following two steps to learn how to be more considered.
The first step is to see what actions others are doing that make them feel unconsidered. So it’s not blaming people for hurting them and feeling trapped in other's behavior. But seeing what they are tolerating can be addressed. They need to notice how you are feeling when others do that. They can write down what thoughts come into their head. Do you think that no one will ever treat them in a caring way? Do they think they cannot do anything about this? Do you think that they’ll finally be considered effective when they get treated the same way?
They may struggle with feeling inauthentic during these instances. So being treated in that way might not be right for them. They may feel a longing for someone to treat them in the same way that they are treating others. They may wonder why people do not see this as a problem. Getting clear with the thoughts and feelings will show them how to stop being treated in this way.
The second step is to identify what they can do when these thoughts and feelings show up. Sometimes they need to learn how to speak up for themselves. This can be really scary if they have never learned how. If they are nervous about this, they can start by imagining situations in their past that they felt uncared for. They can practice speaking up for themselves which honors their truth without being rude. They can say things like “Hey when you keep changing the times for meetings, I feel like I’m unimportant.” This helps express the pain and gives the person a chance to see how they can be more respectful.
Most people will be willing to change their behavior. However, some may have other things that do not allow them to treat people like INFPs may want to be looked after. This is the second step. In this case, INFPs will need to learn how to set clearer standards for themselves on what they can and cannot tolerate. Having people who are uninterested in treating them the same way may not work for them anymore. The clearer their standards are, the easier it will be to find people who want to treat them with consideration. That will also mean the INFP will need to learn how to express those standards in a way that is direct and respectful rather than coming from a place that is angry and hurt. Check out my YouTube channel for examples of what they can say when they are feeling unconsidered here.
The change of expressing themselves differently and having higher standards can be scary. INFPs may doubt if people will still like them, they may fear losing relationships, and they may question if they should even take this step. However, their pain of not being looked after will be far worse in the long run. INFPs can make this step, but they need to learn how. These two steps are starting points for getting themselves there. As an INFP myself I know how hard this can be because I used to struggle with this myself. However, you being more you will be appreciated by those who want you to take this step. You can do it.
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Amelia Harshfield, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Amelia Harshfield is fascinated and motivated by what impact makers can achieve as they become more resilient. With a solid education and a master’s degree in economics, she has been creating passive income in Real Estate investing for over 5 years. Her key foundational work is The Overcoming Anxiety Method™, a powerful 4-step formula for playing a bigger game without being crushed by fear. This process is paramount to finding an authentic version of freedom and wealth. Mentoring and educating high-level operators is her passion, her work has been featured in magazines, podcasts, conferences, and she has been a trainer on Sir Richard Branson's Necker Island.
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