Written by Sandy Linda, Life Coach with Grief Expertise
Sandy Linda is an elegant and worldly leader in grief guidance and a life coach. After experiencing multiple losses, she began a journey using her experiences to find calm in the chaos to support those mourning multiple losses.
The words “grief” and “trailblazer” might sit uncomfortably in the same sentence for many readers. How can something as positive as being a pioneering spirit, someone who pushes ahead and lights the way for others, possibly come from being in a place of grief? This has been my journey, but it’s also something I am seeing in my grief recovery community. Grief has completely transformed my life and set me on an entirely new path.
Why am I using the word trailblazer?
Let me explain. Trailblazers are torchbearers. I have written before about how losing three members of my family was like being lost in a dense wood with no map. Taking that journey, trying to find a path in the gloom, changed me. I worked so hard to find a light within, and this guided me. Now, I am holding the torch for others to see and follow.
In early American history, trailblazers were people who marked trees to create paths through uncharted wilderness. To ensure safe passage, they carved special marks, called blazes, into the tree bark.
These early trailblazers weren’t just creating paths; they were opening up new possibilities for those who would follow. I became a trailblazer when I realized that I could help others simply by sharing my experience and offering guidance.
The positive impact on ourselves when we help others is well-documented. Pro-social behavior delivers a serotonin boost but can also help us build a community around us. It is hugely empowering at a time when we might feel lost, underconfident, and scared. Being a trailblazer is now part of my healing journey, but it’s also part of my identity. It has made me realize that I am so much more than my grief and that I can be ambitious for my path ahead.
When did I realize I could help others?
I remember my counselor looking me straight in the eyes and admitting he had never worked with anyone who had lived my experience. He told me, honestly, that he would be training himself as he tried to help me.
Beyond those sessions, I couldn’t find anyone to talk to about cumulative loss. There were groups for widows, widowers, people who had lost parents, and parents who had lost children, but I couldn’t find anyone whose lived experience was similar to mine. I know that everyone feels alone when grieving, and everyone’s experience is unique to them. This isolation was crippling. On the advice of my counselor, I started to write, and this, years later, led to my creating my podcast and writing my book. I found my voice and then found the courage to share my experiences with others.
Letting myself imagine the future and helping others do the same
After taking this huge step, it has taken me more contemplation, research, and work to step forward and look to the future. One of the hardest barriers to overcome was my guilt. It constantly set me back. Was I allowed to be happy again despite my losses? Was every time I laughed a moment of disrespect toward those I had loved and lost?
I remember the exact moment I caught myself dreaming about the future again. It felt both exciting and terrifying. I know now that the guilt you feel when joy sneaks back in is not just normal but a sign that you’re beginning to heal.
So, what advice would I offer now as a trailblazer?
Creating a different life isn’t about leaving your loved one behind, but about carrying their legacy forward in a new way. Your internal struggles aren’t roadblocks, but signposts pointing toward your next chapter.
There is no right period of time to grieve and there is no universal timeline for when you should start dreaming again. There is no rulebook, no ‘grief schedule’ and no pre-determined moment when it becomes ‘appropriate’ to think about your future. Move at the pace that feels true to you.
Create a ‘Both/And’ mindset – you can both miss your loved one and embrace new happiness. Think of it like holding two precious things in your hands at once. In one hand, you hold your grief, your memories and the love that never dies. In the other, you hold your emerging joy, your new dreams and your right to smile again. Neither diminishes the other.
Start a ‘Joy Journal’ documenting moments of happiness and write how your loved one would celebrate these wins with you. You can also practice a self-compassion dialogue: “My happiness honours their love for me.”
Being a trailblazer has meant sharing how you can pioneer a new way of living where both your grief and hope can coexist. Every new joy has become a tribute to the love that shaped me. Trailblazers are people who refuse to let loss determine their legacy. It has taken me years to become one. There was a time when I couldn’t help myself. Now, I know that I want to leave a legacy and want this to include helping others. I hope that those marks on the trees I have left will guide more and more people; but also, and perhaps most importantly, others will follow my path and leave their own symbols of hope too.
Sandy Linda, Life Coach with Grief Expertise
Sandy Linda is an elegant and worldly leader in grief guidance and a life coach. After experiencing multiple losses, she began a journey using her experiences to find calm in the chaos to support those mourning multiple losses. Sandy helps her clients move from heartbreaking losses to a place where they can work towards healing and become fearless adventure leaders.
