Written by: Sandra Ehlers, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Allowing ourselves childlike innocence is a sure way to lead us towards playfulness, joy, freedom, and even spiritual surrender and bliss.
The opposite of fear, grasping and rigid control habits, innocence is a state of being where we are fully in the moment; open, spontaneous and heart guided. The mind, rather than taking over, is actively supporting our inspiration and joy.
But if innocence is such a powerful state to unlock both joy and self-realization, why do we distance ourselves from it? And how do we reclaim it?
Too often, the guidance of joy seems inaccessible after a lifetime of having to comply with, and protect ourselves from a demanding environment.
Perhaps the solution I've found may surprise you: We support the boundlessness of our heart through practicing boundaries.
Boundaries versus walls
First, when we talk about boundaries, we must keep in mind the difference between boundaries and walls.
Walls are when we shut down or out. Whether in big ways, such as when communication ends and relationships break, or in small ways, like a subtle sensation that the heart is closing in or withdrawing.
Boundaries, on the other hand, are fluid and alive in the space between us; seeking to keep that space open and loving. Boundaries are nothing more than what feels good and okay at this moment. They are part of a living practice of tuning in, and sharing from that living truth.
When bad things happen, we all put up walls of self-protection at times. The question is, what do we do once we realize it? After all, our heart walls affect not only ourselves, but the people around us, too.
If you have experienced this you will understand: One of the most searing pains we can feel as human beings is when we deeply desire to connect with a loved one, but are met with a wall built from fear. Walls towards what scares us may keep us “safe”, but they prevent love from flowing. It doesn't matter how much love is being poured; it reflects off the surface of that wall like sunshine on a mirror.
On the other side of this, when we are naturally open and giving, boundaries support us to not continue to pour our love where it cannot be received and reciprocated, leading us to feel used or drained. The more open we are, the stronger internal boundaries we need to have to ensure our energy is channeled where it will truly be fruitful.
Heart awakening is the work to keep our hearts open through any life event. To allow ourselves to feel it all, including fear, from a space of openness. And, when we come to clearly see the hidden heart walls we have carried around; heart awakening is also to accept the responsibility to disintegrate them, and to replace them with loving boundaries.
Even if another person cannot receive our boundaries lovingly, we can still choose to have them as a token of respect and love towards ourselves.
Boundaries as self-expansion
Now, let's explore further what boundaries could be.
Have you ever seen a toddler in a healthy home? Most often, they know exactly what they like and don't like, at least after having tried it out a few times. When you allow a toddler to set the boundaries they need, they grow a healthy sense of self. A precious gift to the child – but it doesn’t end there! By respecting and honoring those boundaries; meeting them in the way they realistically can be met, you also gift the child the freedom to not grow rigid.
For the child, setting boundaries is part of the play of self-exploration.
For us adults, likewise, boundaries can be part of the joyful exploration of who we are. When we can see boundaries as something fluid, something that can shift moment to moment just like for the toddler in a healthy home, we don't grow fixed into identities that keep us from awareness expansion. Since our boundaries are fluid, they are free to expand with us.
Our yes's and no's are then not only an artful expression of our unique "self". They truly are an expression of play; an exploration of how this moment really feels, and what we learn about our human experience through it. And once experienced, our boundaries allow us to let it go.
Just imagine if you could start all over again with a truly blank slate. Without heartbreaks and traumas, with no heart walls and no need to put them up. If boundaries are nothing but an exploration of what feels good, and you are fully free to move in that direction… What might a fluid, moment-to-moment exploration of boundaries around your experience look and feel like?
When we say that we are here “to be in the world, not of it,” we must understand that in order to learn to be in the world, we need boundaries. Allowing ourselves this natural play of boundaries and following what is best for us, we can be free from harboring resentment, frustration and pain. There is no reason to linger with what didn't sit well with us, when we have fully acknowledged and accepted it.
Boundaries actually help us to not get attached to identities, feelings and situations, because they allow us to acknowledge what is, without judgment. This freedom to allow any experience helps us to move on with life, without holding on.
Practice boundaries for joy
Of course, it is a practice to learn what boundaries to set. Especially after many years of not practicing it; of allowing other people’s boundaries, energies, thoughts and desires to rule our day. Perhaps the hardest part is to recognize that when boundaries were never set, and we feel our time and energy violated, we have in a way allowed the transgression to continue.
Let's imagine a role playing game in your mind. There are two parts, which we will call "Free Play" and "Demand". For Free Play, what matters most in life is freedom, flow, and feeling inspired and happy. For Demand, it is more important to show up. It doesn't matter how we get things done, as long as we get them done.
Tune into your own Demand. How does its presence feel in your body?
When I've done this exercise and tried it with others, it doesn't feel good. There may be some anxiety, and even feelings of being trapped and suffocated. That's because demand is often driven by fear - the fear that others will reject us if we don't show up.
This is where we have a choice to make: Do we accept the way Demand tries to run the show? Do we accept how it doesn't care if we are drained and unhappy, as long as we meet all those perceived expectations on us?
Or would you rather choose to stay true to your joy and inspiration, even at the risk of rejection? Perhaps focusing on how freeing it is to independently walk your own path?
What new role could Demand play within you that is not intimidating to your joy, but wholly supporting it?
On the path of self-awareness, as we try to help the mind work for us rather than against us, we must take a deep look at why some parts of us don't seem to want that. Only by meeting the unspoken needs of those parts, will they be willing and able to work for us. Remember, they are not trying to sabotage things for us, they are trying to protect us.
Balancing our yin and yang with boundaries
In polarity based awakening philosophies such as yin and yang, part of our path of self-realization is about learning to balance our inner polarities of ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’. It is a masculine (active) quality to demand, and this is not a bad thing. Demand can arise from a place of love, and keep us and people around us safely held in a space of love, joy and expansion.
It is a feminine quality to yield. What can feel unsafe about yielding, or surrendering to life, is when the masculine quality of demand is not coming from a place of love, but from fear. This is when we are drawn to suppress our natural needs and boundaries, and feel used as a consequence. Since it doesn't feel good to feel used, we then also tend to reject our innocence.
We can live completely safely in the world from a state of childlike innocence; of a fully open heart, when our inner ‘masculine’ energy of demand is fully enlisted in our loving service. Tasked to set healthy boundaries for the ‘feminine’ innocence in ways that honor her fluid, playful nature, and to protect her from anything that steals our joy or keeps love from flowing freely. This “healthy masculine” is that within us which, free of judgment, keeps a safe space for our innocence to thrive.
In my work to help people liberate their life force, boundaries is one of several key tools I teach for liberation – one we cannot afford to neglect.
In the daily moment-to-moment choice of how to live your life, and how to let it affect or flow through you, do you wish to support your sense of inner freedom, joy, and boundless love? If so, be open to the idea of letting boundaries lead you to boundlessness.
Learn more about boundless love in the upcoming 3-month Infinite Love Immersion, specifically designed to help prepare for an experience of love beyond boundaries. While geared towards Kundalini, it is suited to empower any spiritual awakening journey regardless of personal faith, free from dogma. A rare, powerful kind of Kundalini activation is also offered as an option, with the immersion offering a unique safe container for the awakening of Kundalini.
Also make sure to check out current workshops, and how you can work with me on my website.
If you want to learn more about deep healing, joy, spiritual awakening, tantra, and other key topics, follow me on YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook – and join the Satya Sangha Newsletter for first invites, offers, free resources and more!
Sandra Ehlers, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sandra Ehlers is a Self-Integration & Kundalini Awakening Guide, Trauma Informed Yoga Meditation Teacher, Event Facilitator, Reiki Master, and Writer. Her work is dedicated to inner union – not only through expanded awareness, but as a lived, embodied experience of wholeness in the world. The focus is on transforming and integrating all levels of conscousness; physical, emotional, mental, energetic and spiritual – creating a foundation for deepened present-moment awareness, equanimity, aliveness, and ultimately, bliss. Alongside workshops, classes and retreats, Sandra offers 1:1 support to self-alignment through the Completion Process and other modalities.
