Written by: Mindy Schrager, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Ever notice that certain things are easier to let go of than others? I recently shared a post about donating a pair of ballroom dance shoes. I had donated others so one might ask what was different about this specific pair. Consider they were the shoes I wore to my wedding and they connected to different facets of my life story.
Think about your own life and look at situations, people, objects, and other items that you are holding onto:
Relationships from important times in your life (classmates, childhood friends, office colleagues)
Regret at ending relationships too soon, of not taking advantage of an opportunity
Anger at a betrayal, resentment at having been bullied
Items in your closet that remind you of important events
Finished work projects and awards that celebrate your successes
Mementos from travel, your ancestors, and special moments in your life
Photographs, diplomas, voice mails, emails, and many more
While there is nothing wrong with holding onto special items, is it possible that letting go would open the space for something different or better? The same for toxic emotions that keep you going in circles in your mind.
If you are open to letting go, I would suggest there are three key steps:
Understand the reason you are holding on; what is the attachment. Here are some questions to consider when looking to gain understanding. What is the value of the relationship to you currently? Are you afraid to end it or missing a sense of closure? Does it connect you to a happier time in your life? What does the negative emotion do for you (i.e., what is the benefit to you)? If you are holding onto items, ask yourself what about the item is special or significant to you.
Accept that it is okay to move on. Once you understand why you are holding on, what would you need to make peace with letting it go? If you are ending a relationship, maybe you need to accept that there is no longer reciprocity or that newer connections are more meaningful. In letting go of an emotion, what would happen if you accepted that what you felt was appropriate in the moment but is no longer serving you now? In the case of an item, what if you accepted that the item is no longer useful or that it can be transformed into something different?
Transform and let go – There are different ways you can let go of things, not all of which mean throwing something out. In relationships, you could write a letter to say thank you and goodbye, or you could shift the way you connect with the person (i.e., connect only via social media). To transform your emotions, there are many different approaches (NLP, belief work, shadow, etc.) and it is important to choose one that resonates for you. For objects, you can donate, consign, trash, or change the item into something different. For changing items, I like to make shadow boxes and collages, creating a different way of holding them.
If you have understood the reason for holding on, accepted it is time to do something different, and found a new way to hold the situation, relationship, or object, you can let it go. In doing so you can change your life story and watch and see what new relationships, feelings, space, and opportunities appear in your life.
If you need assistance in letting go of something connected to your life story, consider Meeting the Shadow. More details about this program are here.
© 2023, Systems of Change, LLC
Mindy Schrager, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Mindy Schrager is an ICF PCC credentialed coach, Systemic Facilitator, Aura-Soma practitioner and founder of Systems of Change, LLC. Mindy’s focus on and passion for transformational work is built on years of experience creating strong, well-balanced teams, combined with a powerful personal discovery journey. Her experience and training have been focused on creating positive change in life and business experiences working with individuals and groups. Mindy loves to shine a light on hidden patterns and the root cause of dysfunction and then help create new pathways to growth.
