Written by: Amie Dean, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
If anyone knew how to tap into the natural joy, playfulness, and innocence of their inner child it was my Dad. He passed away several years ago and he was the most courageous, loving, and resilient man I’ve ever known. Despite his continued health, and addiction challenges that stripped away his chance of experiencing the life of his dreams, he maintained his sense of humor and playfulness.
On his hardest days, he uplifted mine and everyone else’s around him. One of the nuggets of wisdom I gained from my dad was that love is all there is. He didn’t just talk about it, he embodied a state of compassion and kindness in his relationships with everyone.
One of my favorite memories of my dad as a child was when he would help me and my sister build tents in the living room to pretend camp. Then we would play a game called Swing swing where he would wrap us in blankets and swing us around the room where we would roar with laughter. My inner child was fed by these experiences, this little girl inside was able to embrace play and fun, and joy as a result of my dad being in touch with his inner child.
You may have your own fond memories of being a child, exploring the world from a place of joy and wonder. But even if you don’t remember your childhood very well or have limited happy memories, your inner child lives deep inside, waiting for you to peel back the wounding she carries to reveal her innocent, playful nature. Over many years, she has accumulated experiences that have translated into painful memories, feeling sensations in the body, and emotional unease. This wounding has kept her from connecting with you as your Higher Self. To best understand the deepest aspects of your mind for healing, it’s necessary to explore the relationship between your sub-personalities and your inner child. I will guide you through a visual-what I call the castle of your heart.
From a very young age, you have been building this castle from the ground up. With its tall walls, secret passageways and a plethora of rooms- all designed by your mind to create a sense of safety from the lack of control it has experienced. Within the castle is the hidden dungeon of your past, the wounded aspects of your inner child have been stored here for many years. Your Guarding sub-personalities are protectively lining the inner and outer parts of the castle to make sure that these wounds do not get triggered in a way that would pose a threat to your inner world. Without these defenses, the shame and abandonment wounds can be so strong that they could easily take over, making it difficult to have relationships, work at your job, and live life with the responsibilities you have to tend to.
This is a very intricate system, and as you got older, the ego strength of these defenses grew more and more until you had this fragmentation of parts or multiplicity of personality- many parts of you that make up the ego-mind- all with individual likes/dislikes/moods and needs as we explored in chapter 1. These sub-personalities believe that they are all alone to guard this castle, to keep those inner child wounds from seeping into your life.
However, this is your heroic story, one in which the hero/heroine is not a sub-personality of you coming to save her, but instead, as you begin to merge with your Higher Self, you will step into the armor of light, swiftly making your way through these sub-personality ego defenses to rescue her while relieving these ego parts of their duties. They can therefore transition into their healthier states and start to re-establish their roles in the castle of your heart. The result is experiencing more love, more joy and more peace than you ever thought was possible.
Your Core Wound
The wounded child is one of the major foundational causes of our mental and emotional suffering as it creates the branches of sub-personality ego parts that cause us so much distress. We struggle with seeing this because of the myriad ways we identify with the shifting moods and emotions throughout the day. In truth, if this inner child felt good enough, deeply loved, and safe deep within- you wouldn’t need these ego defense systems in place. You would live from your Higher Self effortlessly because you would be in balance- emotionally, energetically, and psychologically.
According to the therapeutic model of Psychosynthesis, all wounding involves a break in the empathic relationship with others. This means that our caregivers and parents were not attuned to the needs of the child. The wounding could have started as a result of severe abuse or neglect, but even so, the vast majority of people have at least suffered through smaller empathic breaks. Those who have not endured this experience in childhood still experience this wounding.
Listening to my clients stories and my healing journey, has led me to discover that there are specific categories of core wounds that we carry. These are the categories our wounds fall into.
You have a core wound and you have add on wounds. The core wound is the foundational wound, and the add on wounds are the ones that come about as a result of the lack of resolution of the core wound. Your inner child can carry add on wounds but your sub personalities can also carry these wounds. The determiner of who carries the wounds depends on the age you were when you developed the wounding.
For example, if you were 6 years old when you developed the “Abandonment Wound” And at age 7 your mother told you “children should be seen but not heard” you might develop the “Power Wound” which would be associated with your inner child. This can create a Conflict avoidant or people pleaser part of you.
Otherwise, you might have developed the “Power Wound” in adulthood if someone constantly silenced your voice, making you feel disempowered. This would either add to your inner child wound or create a new wound in adulthood with your conflict avoidant or people pleaser part.
You can determine the core wound by asking the question:
“What am I most afraid of?”
Followup with….
“And then what?”
Abandonment Wound
“Anxious attachment”
Parents inconsistent in their caregiving
Afraid of the ending of relationships
Neglect
“I am all alone”
“I’m not important”
“I'm unloveable”
“I am not enough
Shame Wound
Judged, Ridiculed, Humiliated, Childhood Abuse, Reprimanded, Norm Violation, Body Image/Attractiveness, Not belonging
“I am not enough”
“I’m not smart enough”
“There's something wrong with me”
“Worried- what do others think of me?”
Survival Wound
Trauma, PTSD, Childhood abuse, loss, Neglect- fear becomes a major determiner of life decisions, everything is about how to be safe. Having the survival wound can sometimes lead to addictions of many kinds, in addition to physical pain in the body. Emotions: Helplessness, Fear, On Edge, Restless, Depression
“I am not safe”
“The world is a scary place”
“I am all alone”
“I need to be in control”
The inner child wounding is deeply suppressed in the dungeon of your castle, so much so that often it takes very specific triggers to activate this wounding. Usually, your guarding sub-personalities are so good at keeping these wounds suppressed, that you might hardly notice them until….
Someone says something that activates the feeling of not being good enough, smart enough, etc
Getting reprimanded at work and feeling this deep sense of shame or “imposter syndrome” that you didn’t feel before
Your beliefs are questioned or attacked in some way, in our system holds beliefs as vital to our survival and therefore this can activate the wounding the inner childs and guarding sub-personalities
Your actions or choices are questioned, which could also activate the inner child wounding of “there's something wrong with me”
The loss or potential loss of a relationship
Not being liked- regardless of who doesn’t like you (although you would likely feel more triggered by someone whom is close to you) Not being liked is why we walk around people pleasing and saying yes to all sorts of requests we don’t want to do, or don’t have the bandwidth to do. Setting boundaries is very difficult when there is an inner child wound. The problem is that setting boundaries could potentially upset another person, therefore activating the wound of being abandoned or not belonging. This is inherent to our survival, and it’s also natural to want to experience unity as we are one with everyone we meet. So Often your guarding sub-personalities would much rather people please, be the helper, and make everyone else happy, so you don’t have to feel the pain of disconnection. The issue is, you don’t feel authentic or connected to your Higher Self when you are letting these guarding sub-personalities run the show
This is such a conundrum! There's a sense that you either need to be your full authentic self, speak your truth in order to merge with your Highest Self but you risk activating the inner child wounds that could pull you back away from this deep life sustaining connection. No wonder we feel so lost and stuck, trying to keep our heads afloat each day- our entire lives are run by these wounds.
If you take a look at your own life, you’ll see that every decision you make, everything you do, is to keep yourself from feeling this wound.
Wine after a long day at work to deal with the anxiety or stress you feel
Planning a vacation to have something to look forward to after you take a life inventory to see that you need a break and you aren’t happy in the present
Taking your kids to a stressful amount of extracurricular activities every week so they ultimately have a good childhood, so you can be the good parent and protect them from the wounds you still have inside
Taking on more at work when your intuition tells you you need a break, so you can be seen in your job, get that promotion (success= good enough) but if you also have the survival wound, you’re likely to feel intense fear around saying no as well.
It’s not that we can’t make plans and enjoy these things, but when it’s a bandaid for the wounding we feel, we only deepen the wound.
The natural state of your inner child is innocent, playful, joyful, and creatively expressive. The wounds this young child carries is so much to bear that often these natural qualities are suppressed within them. As you heal the wounds your inner child carries, you will naturally step into the healthy expression of her.
Check out this article to learn how to heal these inner child wounds: Healing Your Inner Child Wounds Part 2
Amie Dean, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Amie Dean is a certified clinical trauma counselor and an Ascension Coach. She helps driven, empathic women struggling with self criticism and not feeling good enough, heal their inner child wounds so they can live an authentic, spiritually awakened life- true to their souls mission.
She is the founder of One Awakening, a transformational online community to heal core wounds together and awaken spiritually. In her signature Awakened Living Program, she is a guide for increased self awareness and Higher Self realignment.
