Written by Colleen Faltot, Energetic Weight Loss Coach
I've guided countless individuals to sustainable weight loss by empowering them to master their emotions, fostering an unyielding mindset and a healthy body.
Navigating life after narcissistic abuse is a journey fraught with emotional upheaval and profound challenges. Whether you're currently in such a relationship, have recently left one, or are still grappling with the aftermath, understanding the complex dynamics at play is crucial for healing and reclaiming your life.
Understanding narcissistic abuse
Narcissistic abuse is not just about emotional manipulation; it's a systematic dismantling of your sense of self-worth and reality. Narcissists employ tactics such as gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional blackmail to maintain control over their victims. The result is a profound psychological impact that can leave individuals feeling trapped, confused, and deeply wounded.
The impact on the brain: Trauma bonding and dissociation
One of the most insidious effects of narcissistic abuse is trauma bonding. This phenomenon occurs when cycles of abuse are interspersed with periods of affection or apparent kindness from the abuser. These contradictory behaviors create a powerful psychological bond that can be extremely difficult to break.
Moreover, the stress and trauma caused by such relationships can lead to dissociation—a coping mechanism where individuals detach from their emotions or sense of reality as a means of self-protection. These responses are not weaknesses but adaptive mechanisms of the brain in response to prolonged psychological distress.
Steps toward healing
1. Acknowledge it's not your fault
Central to healing is recognizing that you are not to blame for the abuse. The responsibility lies solely with the abuser, whose behaviors are driven by their own insecurities and need for control.
2. Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse
Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic abuse, including trauma bonding and manipulation tactics, is empowering. It validates your experience and helps you make sense of the confusing and often contradictory emotions you may be feeling.
3. Seek support
Healing from narcissistic abuse is not a journey you should undertake alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, support groups, or therapists who specialize in trauma recovery. Connecting with others who understand your experience can provide validation and crucial emotional support.
4. Rebuild self-worth
Narcissistic abuse can leave deep scars on your self-esteem. Engage in activities that nurture self-love and self-care. Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with affirmations that reinforce your worth and strength.
5. Set boundaries
Learning to establish and enforce boundaries is essential in protecting yourself from further harm. This includes boundaries with the narcissist if they are still in your life, as well as with others who may inadvertently trigger painful memories or emotions.
6. Process your emotions
Allow yourself to feel and express the full range of emotions associated with your experience—anger, sadness, betrayal, and even relief. Journaling, art therapy, or talking with a therapist can help you process these emotions in a healthy and constructive manner.
7. Focus on healing your brain
Practice mindfulness, meditation, or other relaxation techniques to help regulate your nervous system. These practices can reduce the physiological effects of stress and promote healing in the brain.
8. Patience and self-compassion
Healing from narcissistic abuse is a nonlinear process that takes time. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge the progress you're making, no matter how small. Practice self-compassion and treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you deserve.
Healing from narcissistic abuse is a courageous journey toward reclaiming your sense of self and rebuilding a life free from manipulation and control. By understanding the psychological impact of abuse, seeking support, and actively engaging in self-care and healing practices, you can gradually restore your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are resources and compassionate individuals ready to support you every step of the way.
If you’re struggling now please know I’m just a few steps ahead of you and my inbox is always open to support you.
This piece is something I wrote about 2 years back and shared with a client today to help her see the way out of a situation she’s dealing with.
These words will help anyone healing from a trauma bond with a narcissist.
The power of a letting go After holding on for so long.
To what you thought was love but was really just an addiction.
Because the cortisol creates an obsession that is stronger than an actual bond of love. Real love could never cause that much pain.
In the active addition of a trauma bond you become so blind by manipulation & abuse you think the person that pushed you to rock bottom is the only one that can pull you out of it.
Not being able to see the fact that they’re the ones that put you there.
While you’re starving, living off the breadcrumbs they throw at you of “one day”. & blame you for their abuse in such a twisted way you start to believe it to be true. Not being able to see through the chaos that becomes a false sense of comfort. Not being able to accept that you were sold a dream but are living a nightmare.
Wrapped up in the thought of what it was supposed to be you blindly push any real love or support out of your life.
The desperation to feel whole again keeps you attached to the person that’s tearing your soul apart. Because without them how would you survive.
Justifying the pain through words like “soul mate” & “twin flame”. Allowing false belief systems to deepen the addiction.
While the manipulation you endure causes you to lose trust in yourself.
To believe you were never lovable to begin with & that you’re the lucky one to have them. Pushing everyone out of your life that tries to help.
Out of desperation to receive the love they once gave you, protecting the bond at all costs. While day by day you become less & less of a shell of who you once were.
Starting to feel worthy of the abuse spending all your mental energy justifying your abuser.
Knowing you have to leave but feeling so weak from all the pain & gaslighting that your brain starts to work against you.
You start to lose any hope of life without the trauma bond & start to lose sight of life even being worth living.
Until a fleeting moment of strength comes with the quietest voice in your head. That voice tells you that you deserve better.
& somehow, you find the courage to let go.
You can feel pain that you’ve been a prisoner of for so long slowly fade into thin air.
You’ve become so conditioned to the pain & abuse you don’t know how to live life without it. But day by day you heal.
& I promise you.
You will never be the same person you once were.
You will never lose sight of the strength and courage you had to climb out of an unbearable pain cycle that was killing you.
You will forever connect to the strength & the power you found in letting go.
Colleen Faltot, Energetic Weight Loss Coach
I've guided countless individuals to sustainable weight loss by empowering them to master their emotions, fostering an unyielding mindset and a healthy body. As a woman in recovery from alcoholism, an eating disorder, codependency, and anxiety, I leverage a proven methodology to address root wounds, transforming pain into purpose through somatic healing and subconscious rewiring.
The Power of the Pause podcast, click here.
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